The Narcissist Thinks Of You LONG AFTER You're Gone

It ended badly for you with the narcissist. Maybe they discarded you, or you got fed up and decided to leave them. Then there was this period of no contact because it ended in a really bad way, and there was no closure or validation. They didn't want to talk about it. They didn't tell you why they did what they did. They didn't apologize.

Now, they're moving on to a better situation with better people—or at least that's what they want you to think. That's what you will see on their Facebook or Instagram. You will see these forced smiles, and they're telling everyone they're happy while showcasing their new partner as though they are a trophy, a prize awarded to them for their victory or success. They will tell people they found the love of their life, their soulmate. So, you will assume that they've moved on. You will assume that they've forgotten about you. When the reality is that they haven't. They're still thinking about you.

It may seem like they're just these mindless robots with no feelings because they're self-absorbed and lack empathy. But that does not mean they don't suffer. It means that while they don't care about you, they still care about themselves and their own suffering. Because they're narcissists, they believe the whole world revolves around them, so all they care about is everything that has to do with them. They're not concerned about anything outside of that.

They have a personality disorder, which means that they can't have relationships with people. A relationship is a way in which two or more people or things are connected. While you may have felt connected to them, you also felt like they were never connected to you. They can't connect to people in the way that you can. They can't experience love. They can't form or maintain healthy relationships with people, which is tragic and devastating. For us, relationships are the most important things in our lives, especially the relationship that we have with ourselves.

If you felt like the narcissist wasn't connected to you, it means that they're not connected to themselves, which means that they don't even know who they are. This is why they can't form or maintain healthy relationships with people. They have nothing to give, nothing of value, so they can't relate to you. They can't feel sympathy or identify with you because they have this tendency to act in their own self-interest. They're driven by this need to prove themselves better than other people, so they can't be vulnerable. You will never experience a deep emotional connection with them.

They believe that they're bad. They believe that they're unlovable, as though they're incapable of inspiring love or admiration, as though they don't have any attractive or appealing qualities. But they overcompensate for that with their ego, this high opinion of themselves as though they're better than you, but with no justified reason—just because they think it in their minds. They expect you to see it the same way. If you don't, they will cut you off. They will drop you like a hot potato because they have to avoid humiliation. They have to keep their reputation and avoid other people losing respect for them. All they care about is their false image. They only care about how they appear to other people.

This is why they're so quick to blame you and start smear campaigns, telling you that it's all your fault. Then they go out and flaunt their new relationship because they have an inability to connect and understand people. All they can do is defend their ego. But they also struggle with detachment, with a state of not maintaining or having control over something anymore. They don't know how to regulate their own emotions, so they will deny it. They will lie, project their flaws, gaslight, and may even become delusional.

But that doesn't mean that energy and those emotions aren't still there. It doesn't go away just because they've denied the existence of it. In fact, the resistance makes it even stronger. Acceptance is what makes it go away. But in an attempt to push away the pain and the shame, they will disconnect from their own thoughts, feelings, memories, and sense of identity to where they become emotionally numb. They can't even feel anything positive anymore. Instead, all they will feel is pain and aggression, where they may even lash out at you by making false accusations or starting smear campaigns against you. Sometimes, you may not see a response because they went and abused someone else.

It's all because they didn't want to process their emotions. They didn't want to process those feelings of loss, which is why it will constantly play on their minds, and they will constantly revisit the people that they lost, even if it is just in their minds. But not with the intention of considering a situation or problem again from a different perspective or with the intention of improving or changing it. If they did that, they would be processing the emotions and healing themselves from the trauma. Instead, they will re-idealize you and represent you as better than you are because you got away. You dodged a bullet. You managed to avoid the difficult or unwelcome situation. You got out unscathed.

Then they will compare every new person they're with to you. You will become the measuring stick. You will set the bar, which means that they haven't healed. They haven't processed anything. They just moved on without even thinking about it or reflecting on it. They denied it. They lied to themselves that it was bad, which means that the shame will continue to grow within them, and they will only get worse with time. They will become even more bitter and resentful the older that they get, to where it's impossible for people to even be around them because there's so much hate and envy brewing beneath the surface.

Yet many of you still care about their opinions. When a person who is filled with so much hate and envy has no valid opinion because it's just coming from their own destructive emotions, it's not coming from a logical standpoint. People who have so much hate and envy inside of them should not have the power to influence anyone because they're only going to further traumatize you. By default, that's all that they can do. They're not going to uplift you. They're not going to make you feel better about yourself because they're not even on the same level as you. They're beneath you, and they're trying to pull you down, which is why you need to recognize that their opinions are not credible.

You should not let them determine your value. You shouldn't even care if they hoover you or not. You shouldn't be worried about what they're doing or who they're with, or if they're happy with the other person because you should already know that they're just a shell of themselves. Many of you are empaths, some of the most down-to-earth and most understanding people in the world, and yet they couldn't even connect to you. So what chance have they got with anyone else? They're destined to fail. They're destined to never move on because they denied what went on between them and you. They acted like nothing happened to avoid humiliation and to protect their fragile ego, which means that the shame, hatred, and envy will continue to brew and boil inside of them because what you resist persists. What they refuse to let go of will continue to affect them, and it will affect every relationship they get into because they don't process their emotions. They pass it off to you and expect you to deal with it for them.

This is something that only gives them a two-second high. It doesn't produce long-lasting change because they can't generate it from within. They're disconnected from their emotions, which is why you will never have a connection or a bond with them. Even myself, with a lifetime of experience and eight years of research, would struggle to have a conversation with them. I would struggle to connect to them and understand them because they have so much shame. Everything has to be about their negative emotions. It's never going to be a mutual exchange of love and positive energy because, in their minds, it's you or it's someone else. Someone did something to them. Someone hurt them, and there's nothing they can do about it. They can't take it upon themselves to go within and process the trauma to regulate their own emotions because they're very weak and fragile people. It's too painful for them to deal with, which is why all they can do is try to bring you down with them and make you just like them because that's the only way that they can feel comfortable.

This is what they're deeply envious and jealous of. It's why they hate you because you're different. You're empathic. You have so much love and compassion to give, and when you give back to yourself, it's very powerful. It has the power to heal trauma, not only yours but other people's traumas as well, by practicing acceptance. Accepting things as they actually are rather than how you think they are or how you want them to be, which is something that narcissists can't do. This is why they gaslight you. This is why they start smear campaigns because they have to create this false reality where that is not the case.

It's all because of their ego. They just can't accept that maybe they're not as great as they thought they would be or should be, and this all stems from their trauma, which is why they constantly project it onto you. At the end of the day, you're left feeling like you're undeserving or as though you're not good enough when the reality is that it's them. They just don't want to accept it because it's too painful for them, and they wouldn't know where to start. So instead, they live a lie, never knowing the truth, never experiencing real love or connection, by shutting it out and even by trying to prevent their sources of supply and sometimes even their own children from experiencing it because it's just too difficult for them to accept that they won't ever get to experience that.

The crazy part about it is if they just accepted that and let go of the resistance, they would finally be experiencing real love and intimacy for the first time.

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