People always wonder if narcissists know what they're doing. They try to rationalise the narcissist's behaviour. They think that there must be a reason for why they're doing what they're doing. Because if the narcissist doesn't know, then it's not so bad. Maybe they're not really intending to be mean. Which is why people often try to explain or justify the narcissist's behaviour with logical reasons. But the reality is that narcissists do know they're behaviour is wrong. They know their behaviour is unacceptable. They know their behaviour is not ok.
They wear a mask. They change their identity at will. They become charming and charismatic, whenever they need to be. When they want to get validation. But when their mask comes off, that's when you see who they really are. The charismatic character that they created disappears. And then all you see is someone who is very angry, invalidating or dismissive. Someone who is very manipulative. Someone who is very mean. But when they're around other people, they're fine. They're charming and charismatic. They're courteous, kind and pleasant. And when people see them operating in this way, they assume that you must be very lucky to be with them. But when you get back home, their good mood fades away.
They give you criticisms and putdowns. They invalidate you. Even if you haven't done anything wrong. They always find a reason to pull you down. And it leaves you very confused. To where you may then try to explain or justify yourself. But it never solves anything. It just makes the situation even worse. It makes you think that maybe you did do something wrong. Even though it was nothing to do with you. But they managed to look good infront of other people. They portrayed this false image to the world. They were very understanding and supportive of other people. But then when you get home, they shout at you. Which is really all of the evidence you need. It should tell you that they do know what they're doing. Because they can turn it on and off whenever they choose. Which means that it is a conscious choice. It should reveal to you that you are not important to the narcissist. You are intended to be thrown away, when they no longer have any use for you. Because they have no regard for you. They will wait until no one else is around, before they begin abusing you. Before they begin shouting at you and criticising you. Because they know that what they're doing is not ok. They know that it would make them look bad. Many people wonder if narcissists really know what they're doing. They try to justify the narcissist's behaviour. But the reality is that they do know what they're doing. Which is why they wear a mask. Because they're trying to hide who they really are. But because you're around them a lot of the time, they reveal their true selves to you.
You're nothing more than their emotional punching bag. Because all they really care about is getting supply. They use other people to make themselves feel better. So they will change themselves temporarily in any way that they need to, in order to get supply. But they get very tired of doing this for long periods of time. So if you are always around them, you will only be their punching bag. They use charm to get supply from people who are powerful or important, or to attract new people. But they will abuse the people who are closest to them, to regulate their emotions. They will get very angry at the people they take for granted or the people who activate their shame. Narcissists know what behaviour is wrong or unacceptable. But sometimes they get so wrapped up in certain situations, that they will shout and abuse you. Until someone finally criticises them. Because they fear the risk of them looking bad. Which is why they will normally do it when no one else is around.