Narcissists Study You Like A PhD. Like a child molester, the narcissist targeted and chose you as their victim. They chose you because you may have a very small circle of friends or you may not associate yourself with many people. You may not have much support from family or friends. You may be an empathic, understanding and forgiving person. You have the tendency to overlook red flags and give people chance after chance.
From the moment they became aware of you, they studied everything you do, everything you say, everyone you talk to and anything you are planning for the future. They study everything that is significant in your life. They want to learn anything and everything about you and your life, so they can later use it against you. Social media is one of the narcissist's favourite tools for doing this. New studies have shown that people who are more narcissistic are more likely to be compulsive Facebook users.
They will go on to your profile and study all of your friends, likes, hobbies and interests. They will find out where you are working. They will study your photographs to see what kind of places you go to. They will even look through your older photos and scroll down to the bottom of your timeline, to study your past. I remember my ex narcissist was very eager to know about my childhood, growing up into being a teenager.
They will take note of everything they see on your profile and they will take note of everything you say to them. As time goes by it will appear as though they know more about your past than you do. This then gives them the ability to re-write the past and make you question whether or not something actually happened. They are always plotting against you. They will either be causing drama and chaos in the present, bringing up events from the past or plotting and scheming for the future.
But even when they are causing drama and chaos in the present, it's always based on something that happened in the past or whatever it is they are fearing that might develop in the future. The narcissistic abuser has all kinds of sick twisted methods they use to train or exercise your brain muscle in a way where you end up clinically insane or suicidal. I think it's important that victims are aware of this. These people are extremely sick and twisted. The methods they used are very similar to that of a serial killer or child molester.
Overt narcissists tend to be more impulsive. But almost everything the covert narcissist does is calculated and premeditated. They will groom you, which is also known as conditioning, programming or training. They will love-bomb you as a reward for your good behaviour. This trains you to comply with whatever it is they want you to do, or however it is that they want you to behave. Then they will de-value you when you when you don't do what they want.
If they cannot get you to comply they will simply discard you. But even then, they will continue to stalk and harass you even years down the line. For more information on this, watch my series of videos on "The Narcissist Harassing And Stalking You". All of their intense studying of your past, present and potential future isn't done just by one person. They will often recruit groups of other narcissistic people, known as flying monkeys, apaths or enablers.
Some of the flying monkeys get stuck in this social validation loop of trying to please the narcissist and each other. It becomes an addiction and an obsession. I believe that they use their abusive and manipulative nature to regulate their own self worth and self esteem. It releases dopamine within their brains, which gives them a sense of reward and this soon becomes their drug of choice. Some flying monkeys will go along with the abuse because they don't want to be the target themselves.
For more information on these personalities, please watch my video on "The Flying Monkeys & The Smear Campaign". You might find it cute at first that they are studying and stalking you. I've heard some people say that they have found it flattering. But this is actually a very serious and dangerous situation which often ends with somebody dying. All serial killers and child molesters are narcissists and at a point in their lives were probably no different than your abuser.
The only difference is that they have killed someone and not much has to change for that to happen. During the devaluation phase they abuse you more and more, to the point where it no longer satisfies them. At the discard phase they could potentially kill their victims or nudge them to suicide. This is more common than people think. Their addiction to abuse and manipulate you is so strong that they do not know when to stop. It becomes normalised over time and what was considered extreme and uncivilised at the beginning soon becomes second nature by the end.
They do not feel responsible for your feelings, actions, choices, wants, needs, well-being, ultimate destiny, even though they do everything they can to have a negative impact on these parts of your life. Narcissists believe that your life is theirs and they should be in control of it. They see you as an object or an extension of them so your body, mind and soul is theirs. They want to control your thoughts, where you go, what you do, your self worth, self esteem and self belief. They want to induce endless stress, anxiety and paranoia within you.
They will take control of your body, mind and soul because they believe it is theirs. But they will not control your life to improve it, they will take control only to destroy every aspect of your body, mind, soul and your life. They are envious of your empathic qualities, your positive vibe, your self worth and self esteem from the devaluation phase onwards. Their intense feelings of envy will cause them to take everything from you. They will dig a hole and put you in it.
Once they see you trying to climb out of that hole, suddenly every little thing you do is criticised and put down. You cannot think, speak or do anything in your life without provoking their narcissistic rage and a narcissistic injury. Suddenly any little thing you do for yourself triggers them to attack. This is what the narcissist will do to you, your body, mind, soul and your life.
The narcissist is a coercive manipulator, a sadistic emotional predator, an abuser, a stalker... everything no self-respecting person with self-worth would ever want in their lives. And that's why they spend so much time devaluing us, to make us believe that they are all that we deserve. I'm sure you are wondering, don't they feel stupid or embarrassed doing all of these weird things? They spend years of their life practising to be skilled actors and illusionists. It's like they think they are getting paid for it. It's not benefiting anyone in any way, not even them.
At best it gives them a few seconds of supply and then they go back to how they usually feel. A normal, emotionally healthy person would feel so dumb and ashamed for practising these types of behaviours. And that is how you know that they are not normal, emotionally healthy people. They desire for you to confide in them at all times so that they can learn more about you. They don't want to help you. You have triggered their inferiority complex and caused a narcissistic injury.
They literally want you to die right now. They don't want you to progress, be happy or succeed at anything in life. But in their worst case scenario, if you're going to progress or be happy, it should be with them. Of course with them, you're going to be progressing at the lowest rate imaginable and you will never be truly happy. They will control everything and it will never be about what you want. They are self-absorbed so it will just revolve around whatever they want. But the narcissist cannot stand for you to have happiness or progression with someone that doesn't include them.
They are very jealous. They feel as though someone or something is taking you away from them. You are property of the narcissist, you do not do anything with anyone else. You belong to them. This is how they see you, like an object. Or like a toy that only they or their flying monkeys can use. I have noticed that the narcissist will not only mimic you, but they will mimic everything that relates to you and everything that appeals to your own ideals. They want to be noticed, they want to be heard.
You are being noticed and heard, so they mimic you and everything that you are interested in. I've had narc exs that would change their whole look, clothing, make-up and personality... they would take on the role of a celebrity I liked or if I saw someone on TV I was attracted to. They think that they can change their looks, make-up and suddenly they're a different person. They hate their true selves so they try to appeal to your own ideals. They will do anything to be noticed by you, anything to relate to whatever it is that you are interested in.
They are desperate for attention, validation and approval. Their purpose in life is to obtain supply from you. So don't take anything they do personally. It is nothing more than an attempt to control you and obtain supply. There often appears to be no rhyme or reason with a narcissist. We expect what they are doing or saying to have something personal to do with us. But sometimes it has nothing to do with us. The narcissist is fighting an endless battle within their own minds.
They often take it out on the people closest to them, or good people who just take it and move on with their day. The narcissist also loves the vulnerable or disabled, mentally ill person as a victim. This type of person is easy to take advantage of. I remember when I was suffering mentally and attempted suicide, I attracted a lot of these sick, twisted people.
Normal people would never abuse or manipulate someone who is suffering mentally, especially if they are suicidal. We have empathy and consideration for these types of people.
The narcissist gets excited by the mentally ill or disabled and it makes them want to abuse this victim even more. Just to see how badly they can damage them, so that they feel better about themselves. The narcissist hates to see any form of progression in their victim, they hate any form of innocence. This is all an assault to the narcissist's ego and it triggers their abusive and manipulative nature. So just know that they will study your past, present and potential future.
It is their obsession, their new-found purpose in life. But also know that it isn't going to benefit them in any way. They are wasting their own time and their own lives. They are too busy dwelling in the past or feeling anxious about the future to ever focus on the present. You are who you are today because you put the work in. You overcame the struggles and setbacks of dangerous, envious narcissists. They do not want to see you progress or succeed in any way.
If the narcissist could see you now, they would be so mad. You don't even have to do anything and they are mad. But now that you are healing and progressing in your life, it is killing them inside. And the fact that you feel compassion and have no desire to take revenge on the narcissist, who did everything they could to destroy you. That just winds them up even more. That just makes them even more mad. Because it shows how much of a better person you are than them.
They basically feel like shit right now because they tried everything, they studied your entire past, present and potential future. They recruited all of their flying monkeys and created a smear campaign, for what? What have they accomplished from doing all of that? Nothing. Because you are still healing and recovering. And that just proves how useless and pathetic these people really are. Because the one thing they spend all their days practicing and crafting, they can't even get that right.
But that's their problem, not yours, you should feel no responsibility for how they feel. If they cannot appreciate your success and be happy for you, there is clearly something wrong with them. You are a reminder of where they have failed in their lives and I'm not just talking about material things. Success begins with a mindset, a mindset they can never have because all they do is hate and envy, instead of appreciating.