Narcissists Are Possessive And Controlling. They are depressed and miserable. Yet they realise that you do not deal with these difficult, negative emotions. Simply by being in your proximity or witnessing your happiness and fulfilment only becomes a reminder to them of how worthless and depressed they really feel. In their minds you are their possession, like an object or an extension of them. They own your body, mind and soul. They have the right to dictate your thoughts, emotions, behaviours and interests. Any time where that you display your control over your own thoughts, emotions, behaviours or interests will cause a narcissistic injury within them.
They are depressed and miserable people. You are not and that's why they become envious and resentful towards you. They see you as an object and expect you to comply with the program they have created for you. Where they may dictate your thoughts and control your emotions as they please. Anything that conflicts with their programming of you will cause a narcissistic injury within them. You are showing them everything they are not, everything they wish they could be. And to them, that is an insult. It's like you are putting your hands around their necks and strangling them. So they will lash out with their abusive and manipulative tactics.
They cannot discard their programming and simply try to operate on your frequency. They cannot partake in your happiness and fulfilment. They cannot live up to your expectations of them. So they will not even bother trying. They will observe you from a distance and do everything they can to emotionally disregulate you. Because their happiness isn't like that. They want to feel good, but they don't. So now they become envious and resentful of you. It becomes an endless competition to tear you down. You are like a bird flying high in the sky. The narcissist has no wings, so instead of appreciating your ability of being able to fly, they will tear off your wings. Because your ability to fly causes them to reflect and experience a sense of loss.
They literally see you as being above them, so they will develop these abusive and manipulative tactics in an attempt to regulate your thoughts and emotions. They don't want to watch you flying high in the sky, experiencing happiness and fulfilment, while they are on the ground feeling miserable and depressed. To them it feels like an insult, like you are attacking them. So in their minds they are simply getting you back by emotionally or even physically abusing you.
They will even try to engage in activities that give the illusion that they are happy and fulfilled. But the narcissist can never experience genuine happiness or fulfilment, they do not have the emotional capabilities to experience that. It is simply a never-ending game where they are trying to prove their self worth to you. They are trying to prove their self worth because they see your value as being greater than theirs. If this was not true, they would have no motive for constantly trying to prove their self worth.
They will devalue you, act as though you are worthless and they hate you. But deep down they are secretly admiring you and worshipping your every breath. They admire and adore you so greatly, that it soon becomes hate when they realise that they cannot possess the same qualities. They cannot partake in your greatness. They become hateful, angry and envious towards you. They cannot be like you, so now they want to destroy you. They will abuse, manipulate and devalue you out of the intense frustration they feel from being incapable of possessing your good qualities or partaking in your greatness.
All of these abusive and manipulative acts come from a deep-rooted feeling of insecurity and an inferiority complex. The narcissist never self-reflects, so they do not feel guilty for abusing and manipulating you. Although they do feel more and more shame every time they do it, which only causes them to feel more and more insecure. Their insecurities and inferiority complex cause them to abuse and manipulate you even more. And this becomes an endless social validation loop which they can never remove themselves from.
It develops an obsession and an addiction within the narcissist. They appear to revolve around you and no one else. They want to possess and take control of you. They want to control your thoughts, your emotions, the people you associate with and the places you go. In extreme cases, they will even attempt to control your environment outside of the home. In these situations, they will gather flying monkeys and create smear campaigns, where they can then get everyone to see you the same way. Please see my video on "The Flying Monkeys & The Smear Campaign" for more information on this topic.
So as the narcissist develops their obsession and addiction to you. It will appear as though you are the only significance in their lives. You are the center of their world. It has nothing to do with love. They have simply become extremely possessive and controlling over you because they are obsessed and addicted to you. They may become hypervigilant and paranoid of anyone you might be talking to, anything you might be doing that might fulfil you in any way. Any fulfilment or progression in your life which is caused by an external source, outside of their control, triggers them to become even more hateful, angry and envious of you.
They appear offended that you would even require or desire an external source outside of their control. And this doesn't have to be a physical person in your life. It could be a television character, a celebrity, singer or actor, or even an inanimate object. The narcissist wants to be your only source of happiness, fulfilment and progression. Because you are an object which they possess. You are their pet, their slave. It is your duty to provide them with the attention and validation they crave and desire, whenever it is needed. No amount of attention or validation can ever fulfil the narcissist.
Which is why they will become hyperviligant and paranoid that you might be investing your time and energy into something other than them. This then leads them to become more possessive and controlling over you. They will do whatever they can to prevent you from giving your attention and validation to any external source outside of their control. It makes them feel as though they are not a part of it. They feel unable to partake in your activities or interactions and this makes them feel insignificant, undesired and insufficient.
Narcissists are obsessed with power and control, without it they feel very uncomfortable. Imagine a basketball game where you are about the shoot the winning shot for the team. They would happily sabotage their own team's winning shot, if it meant that you would then steal the attention and validation from them. They hold on to their control and need for the limelight with a tight grip that can never be shared with anyone else. The thought of someone taking "their" attention and validation is very painful for them. The narcissist will make you believe that want you to help them. They will tell you or imply that they need your help, but they will never let you help them. They just want you to try, while they abuse and manipulate you.
It makes them feel powerful and in control. In their minds they're thinking "wow, I can get this victim to do whatever I want to help me. I am powerful. And I'm not even letting them help me, which puts me in control". If they do allow you to help them, they will then lose their grip on the control. Their personality disorder allows them to maintain their delusional sense of power and control in any situation. Everything the narcissist says or does has a purpose and is designed to abuse or manipulate you in some way. They are never in the moment, everything has an agenda with them.
Their agenda is to obtain narcissistic supply and this is often done by possessing you like a toy, pet or slave, controlling your every thought or emotion, abusing and manipulating you. This then gives them their narcissistic supply. It gives them attention, validation and a sense of power and control of you and the situation. Why do they have this obsessive need for control at all times? The reason is because they always feel powerless and out of control. They have no self-control. They cannot control their thoughts, emotions or actions, so they try to control you.
It gives them the illusion that they are powerful and in control, but really they are not. All of these tactics give them a false sense of power and control over you. They are abusive and manipulative tactics to make them feel above you and in control. In reality, they are not in control at all and they have nowhere near the amount of power they think they have and deep down they know this. If they were really in control, they wouldn't have to do all of that. They are over-compensating for the lack of power and control in their lives. And they are demonstrating this with no guilt or embarrassment for their actions. This just proves how little control they really have over themselves.
They cannot operate at your level of happiness and fulfilment. So now their purpose is to tear you down. Fortunately narcissists are cowards. They will put you down and devalue you. They will emotionally abuse and manipulate you. Their agenda behind all of this is to bring you down to their level of self worth and self esteem. Which is clearly much lower than yours, which is why they become so possessive and controlling over you. They are trying to tame you. They are trying to tone down your level of happiness and fulfilment, so that it makes them feel more comfortable. They are trying to train you to be miserable and feel worthless, just as they do. The narcissist can never have a genuine, deep, emotional connection to you.
They can never empathise or have consideration for you. It's like every time you have this sense of happiness and fulfilment and you are walking on the clouds, they are trying to pull you back down to Earth. Your happiness and fulfilment triggers them to reflect on their misery and depression. This causes them to become possessive and controlling over you. They have to be around you all the time, just in case you get too happy or fulfilled about something. Especially if it is an external source outside of their control. They don't want to you see you happy and enjoying your life. Because it triggers them to reflect on how they feel. So it creates this obsession, this addiction.
It's like they are constantly poking you, telling you to tone it down. "Stop enjoying your life, stop being happy, stop doing anything that makes you feel fulfilled in your life." Because any time you smile or enjoy a fulfilling experience, it's killing them inside. In the narcissist's mind they're thinking "Yes I can see that you are happy and fulfilled. I can see that you having a good time and making the most out of your life. But it's hurting me, please stop hurting me" But they continue to come back and witness everything you are doing. But their goal is not to partake on this journey with you. Their goal is to sabotage any potential happiness and fulfilment in your life.
This is why they become so possessive and controlling over you. They don't want you to be happy. They don't want you to have a life outside of them. They don't want you to have connections or external sources outside of their control. Because they are extremely envious and nothing they have will ever satisfy them. So no matter how much they have and how little you have, any small amount you have will always seem like you have more. This is why they become so possessive and controlling. This is why they become hyperviligant and paranoid. Because any small amount of happiness and fulfilment in you triggers them to reflect on their own misery and depression. Because they can never be satisfied with what they have.
You can never win with the narcissist. You can be the perfect supply for them, even then it is an impossible situation. You can agree with them on everything, let them do what they want, say yes to everything they desire from you. Yes, let them go first. Let them control your every move, emotion and thought. Give them a gold star like a small child. They will still abuse and manipulate you. They need special treatment. They need constant attention, approval and validation. They need constant acknowledgement. They need to be connected to you 24/7 or they will feel lost like they don't even exist. It's like you are constantly having to hold the narcissist's hand. You always have to be there for them. Like a small child needs it's parent's constant attention and reassurance. They depend on your attention, approval and validation of them.