Narcissists Are Delusional. Due to their dysfunctional thinking, they hold thoughts which are often not in line with reality. In the situations where their thoughts are in line with reality, the outcome will be the same, because they have a nature to go against the grain, against social norms. It gives them the power to control people, it makes them feel as though they have some level of worth or significance. Because of their need to control, their mode of behavior will be different to what is considered to be socially accepted or expected.
They will hold ideas, feelings or opinions about you, often formed without conscious thoughts or with little or no evidence. This develops into beliefs, actions and behaviors that are contradicted by reality or a rational argument. They have difficulty making assessments of reality. They cannot rationally evaluate or estimate the nature, abilities or qualities of certain people or things. As I previously said, this is often because their thoughts are not in line with reality. Their thinking is based off an internal program, an inner dialogue or inner critic. This affects how they perceive and then evaluate or estimate certain nature, abilities, or qualities.
They will even project their own nature, abilities or qualities on to you, which could be positive or negative, depending on whether you are a positive or negative source of supply to the narcissist. If you are a negative source of supply, expect to be devalued and degraded, humiliated and exploited. Because the narcissist has assigned their negative nature, abilities or qualities on to you. It doesn't mean that you actually possess that nature, abilities or qualities, due to their dysfunctional thoughts, narcissists are often not in line with reality. They hate themselves, but they are not going to self reflect and really acknowledge that, it's too painful for them.
They want a quick distraction, some form of relief from their painful feelings. So they assign their negative nature, abilities or qualities on to you and devalue and degrade you for that. Of course your nature, abilities or qualities could be very different from how they perceive them. Especially after they have assigned you to be a negative extension of them, at that point, who you really are cannot exist in the reality that they have created. But this is nothing personal against you. So don't take their put downs or back handed compliments personally.
It has almost nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. Depending on whether you are a positive or negative source of supply. You will either be seen as perfect or all bad. This has nothing to do with you personally. It's all about what you can do for the narcissist, how you make them feel. Do you put up with their BS? Do you make them feel powerful or in control? Can you give them opportunities to obtain more attention, validation, approval or admiration from other sources, other than yourself? Do you have an expensive car? Do you have connections to high status people who can make them look good?
These are the kinds of things that narcissists take into consideration when they choose to assign you as either a positive or negative source of supply. It has almost nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. This is how they see the world, they are self-absorbed and lack empathy. They cannot efficiently assess reality. They take risks off of their ideas, feelings or opinions of you, which have been formed without conscious thoughts or with little or no evidence. This puts them in a very risky and dangerous situation. Because their ideals, feelings or opinions of you are often completely out of sync with reality.
They assume that however they think is how it will work out for them. They have the expectation of a certain result. Not only that, but they are not aware of, or concerned about, the potentially dangerous or harmful factors which could result from their actions or behaviors. They don't take these factors into consideration, because they believe that they can assess what will happen or how it will happen. Which is not only potentially dangerous or harmful for them, but also everyone around them.
It's dangerous because they don't consider that it may not work out in the way that they have planned. They don't consider any external factors or consequences, because they believe that their ideas, feelings or opinions are superior or more efficient at assessing the situation than any statistics or experiences. Narcissists do not want to deal with reality. They don't want to accept any truth. Which leaves them to be very unrelatable in any situation. They choose to accept their own ideas, feelings or opinions over any truth, any statistics or experiences.
This is why it always seems like you're never getting anywhere with them. Why no amount of explanation could ever get them to see sense. They are not grounded in reality, they are not accepting of any truth. Their own ideas, feelings or opinions become the truth in this reality which they have created. Which leaves them to be completely unrelatable. Their planning skills are very inefficient, along with their sense of judgement, which is why in many situations you will find that they seem to repeat the same failures again and again.
They might increase the time or effort that they put into developing some level of progress or productivity, yet months or years can go by, and they have yielded any results. This then results in further frustration and resentment towards you. Due to their sense of entitlement or arrogance. They expect a certain level of results due to their exaggerated sense of value or importance. When in reality, they don't even have the qualities, talents or traits to back that up.
So it leaves them in this alternate reality where they feel entitled to whatever they want from you, without any consideration of you. You don't even have to be participating in it. Like an emotionally immature child, they simply demand the results, without ever putting the work in. Or if they are putting in some level of work to achieve the results which they desire, it never materializes because they are not properly assessing the situation. They are not adapting their actions or behaviors to what is currently required at that moment to achieve the results that they are looking for. So nothing ever materializes.
The only things that grow are their frustration and resentment, often towards you. As they do not self reflect or accept that they are not grounded in the true reality. They are going off of their own ideas, feelings or opinions, rather than any truth. So they remain in this endless cycle, not going anywhere. Nothing ever improves, nothing ever changes. And if you remain around them, the same thing will happen to you.
You will adopt the same mindset, being mad at the world, developing frustration or resentment to someone else. Because you failed to accept the truth or deal with the reality of the situation. It leaves them stuck in a place where there is no acceptance. And without acceptance, there is no growth or change. You cannot correct a fault or mistake, until you acknowledge that the fault or mistake exists.
They fail more often than they succeed, but they do not acknowledge their failures. And this is why they never grow, this is why they never mature. This is why they do the same thing again and again, expecting a different result. They have to control the environment, so they can predict what is going to happen. Then over time, their predictions can become more accurate, which further allows them to control the situation. The problem is, their control also restricts any growth or change that they might otherwise make. It restricts any growth or change because it limits the possibilities that they would otherwise have.
The growth or change can only take place in the way that they have allowed it to in their controlled environment. So while they may increase the time or effort that they put into it, it may not manifest in a way that would otherwise be far more beneficial for them, had it not been for the control. Their need to control leaves them detached from truth or the reality of a situation. Which leads their mode of behavior to be different to what is considered to be socially accepted or expected from them.
YES they are
Oh man! Can i relate to that! Most definitely!! Ty NS....💃💃💃