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Narcissists And Boundaries

Narcissists and Boundaries. Boundaries are your personal rules around what is ok and what is not ok for you. What you want and what you don't want. Boundaries determine limitations on how other people behave towards you, and also how you behave towards yourself. Boundaries are designed to protect us and ensure our safety. Boundaries are shaped by your thoughts, feelings, wants, needs, desires, opinions and beliefs. It is your right to assert your boundaries, and it is necessary to regulate your self-esteem.

When you respectfully communicate your needs and limitations to other people, it reinforces it to yourself and other people that you understand your value, and you will not compromise on it. Boundaries separate yourself from other people and other people from you. Boundaries help you to identify what you are personally responsible and accountable for and what has nothing to do with you and belongs to someone else. Personal boundaries are essential to healthy relationships.

If you do not have healthy boundaries, you will often feel as though you are being taken advantage of, or you may feel as though you are not good enough. You may even believe that you are responsible for other people's behaviors. Boundaries are meant to be formed early in life by our experiences of family relationships. If you do not have healthy boundaries as an adult, it is because you were not taught how to develop healthy boundaries as a child. The most critical of your boundaries that order your sense of self and how you relate to other people are formed by your experiences with your parents.

Children who were brought up without boundaries will have a dysfunctional family background. Dysfunctional family backgrounds might include cluster B personality disorders, substance abuse, as well as mental, emotional, physical and psychological abuse. These are the same family backgrounds where narcissists, psychopaths, sociopaths, rapists, child molesters and even murderers are raised. Dysfunctional family backgrounds also promote incest. This is why boundaries are so important as part of our development.

It is about asserting what is ok and what is not ok for us and other people. What we want and what we don't want, and what other people want or don't want. In these dysfunctional family backgrounds, the parent is either too involved in the child's life or they are not involved enough, and they are too neglectful. Usually it is a combination of both. The parent will be involved in the parts of the child's life where the child should be left to experience, learn and grow on their own.

But when it comes to parts of the child's life where the parent should be responsible, they are nowhere to be seen. The parent is not present enough to give adequate attention to meet the needs of the child. The focus of the parent is elsewhere. If the parent is a narcissist, they will be more focused on satisfying their ego. The parent's pathological drive to meet their own needs will override meeting those of the child. The child will be starved of the care required to guide them successfully through the essential development stages.

The parent will believe that it is the child's responsibility to satisfy the needs of the parent. This is where you have been programmed to meet the needs of other people, even to the extent that your own are not met. You have been programmed to believe that placing any focus on your own needs is selfish or wrong. Narcissists are attracted to people with poor boundaries. Not because they want to give anything to them, but because they know it is going to be less effort for them to get what they want.

Narcissists have a sense of entitlement, they believe that they are worthy or deserving of whatever they want, whenever they want it, even at someone else's expense. They are self-absorbed and lack empathy, they only care about their own needs. They are controlling and manipulative. Furthermore, they will say and do whatever they have to, to get what they want from you. They act as though they are superior to you, but this is actually just to compensate for how they really feel.

Narcissists are very insecure and they hate themselves. Being around these types of people and their behaviors and beliefs will feel like mental, emotional and psychological rape. And it will eradicate all of your boundaries. Your needs and limitations will be dismissed as unimportant or insignificant. You will feel as though you do not matter, as though you don't even exist. These are the consequences of being mentally, emotionally and psychologically raped by the narcissist and having your boundaries eradicated.

Having personal boundaries is a basic human right and not something that should ever be seen as unimportant or indifferent. Some people believe that narcissists have no knowledge or understanding of boundaries, but this is simply not true. If you remember the love bombing phase with the narcissist, they knew exactly how to treat you. They knew how to attend to your needs. They knew what you wanted and what you didn't want. Not only that, but they knew what was right and what was wrong.

Which proves that they do understand your boundaries. Without this knowledge, they would have been unable to secure you as a source of supply. It is this knowledge of your boundaries which they use to create your worst nightmare. Where they devalue you and treat you in the opposite way of how you should be treated. They use the knowledge of your needs, what is ok and what is not ok for you to target and activate your vulnerabilities.

Using your boundaries for both positive and negative results is essential for their manipulation. They know how to act right. They know what is ok and what is not ok. Which is why the abuse is more overt behind the scenes, where no one is watching. They know that crossing your boundaries is wrong. They continue to do it because of their sense of entitlement and how they place their needs above your own, even at your expense. Furthermore, they believe that they are the exception to any rules or morals.

Once the narcissist has eradicated your boundaries, you become the ultimate supply. You feel as if you don't matter, or you don't exist. You accept that your needs are unimportant or insignificant. This is when the narcissist's grooming and obsessive boundary breaking finally pays off. It is when you have given your power away to the dark side, and they know that they can get away with anything, and you will remain in the box that they have placed you in.

This is the ultimate form of supply for the narcissist, as I have discussed in the previous videos. It is when they can keep you in a box, believing that you are not worthy or deserving of anything more. Believing that your needs are unimportant or insignificant. Believing that you do not possess anything of value or significance. And revolving your life around the narcissist, catering to their every need. This is the ultimate goal of the narcissist's manipulations. To have their drug of choice, which is narcissistic supply, available for them whenever they want it. With boundaryless access, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

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This article reminds me of some horrific times wt my sadistic narc... Im so thankful that i got outta there when i did...Thank ya NS...💌💃

Christie O'Neal
Christie O'Neal
Nov 09, 2021
Replying to

Good for you!!!! Stay strong !!!

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