Triangulation is the act of bringing another person into the dynamic of a relationship or interaction. This can happen during the relationship or following the discard. This is designed to make you feel as though you are worthless or beneath the narcissist's consideration. It is designed to make you compete for the narcissist's attention. Narcissists will create a real or imagined relationship triangle to create the idea that they have more value. They want to make you believe that they are in high demand. It will affect you emotionally and cause you and the other person to compete for their attention and become jealous or envious because
of them. This is exactly what the narcissist wants. And they know the effect that this is having on you. They know that you put in all of your time and effort to make them happy. And they know the effect that it will have on you when they pretend like it's nothing and they can just move on and have a good time with someone else. They want to make you feel insecure or as though you were not good enough for them. As though you can't do anything right. Even though you were probably more than enough and they know that. But if they can get you to believe it, it gives them supply. They will try to get you believe that this new person is doing everything for them, things that you would never do or were not capable of doing. It creates this false competition where you feel like you're not enough and you need be doing better. When in reality, this new person isn't doing anything. But if they can get you to believe it, they know that it will affect you. They know that you will continue on this narrative that they have fed to you, believing that it's the truth. Then you might discover months or even years down the line, that none of this even happened.
It was just used at the time by the narcissist to emotionally affect you. They live in this fantasy world, where they will pick and choose whatever they believe can give them the upper hand or make them look good, even if it's not the case in reality. They will usually post pictures on social media, as they will be expecting you to be watching. They know that you're still trying to figure out what's going on or what happened to them, why did they change so suddenly. As long as they think you're watching, they will continue to post pictures of them with this new person. It's usually someone they found very recently, as a desperate choice to hurt you. But they will make it look like they're having a great time. They know how to orchestrate the elements of a situation to produce the desired effect or desired reaction from you. It's going to look like the narcissist is completely in love with this person, worshipping them. But if you remember at the beginning of your relationship with the narcissist, they saw you in the exact same way. They idealize you in the beginning, they love to bomb you. But that soon turns into devaluation and then the discard, it's the same thing every time. This new person is just another object, used to carry out a task or function or provide a service. Most often, the narcissist is just looking for some attention and admiration, or they are just using them to hurt you and make you jealous. They act as though you are worthless or beneath their consideration, but they clearly care a lot about your opinion if they are
taking the time to post these pictures. Everything they post on social media is intended for you, it is designed to affect you.
Narcissists prefer to communicate indirectly. They can't get around your logic or reasoning by communicating with you directly. They have to bring in all of these fantasy scenarios and illusions. And have the ability to create their own show through pictures or videos to affect you emotionally. Direct communication doesn't give the same effect, because your logic or reasoning steps in and tells you that this person is full of shit. Triangulation is one of their favourite tactics because it makes you react emotionally, rather than with logic or reasoning. They desire attention and admiration and they are able to control, dominate, and manipulate them. It boosts their self-worth and self-esteem, makes them feel as though they are something of value or significance. Because of this, they will do whatever they can to prolong and protect the situation for as long as possible. Once the narcissist has experienced the feeling of being greatly desired or envied, they will try to create the same situation again
and again. As a way of prolonging and protecting the situation, they will prevent any communication between you and the 3rd person. Instead of talking to you about their problems, they will be talking to you in the 3rd person.
They will paint a negative picture of you to this 3rd person, most often they like to call the victim crazy or they will act as though you are harassing them. They are only thinking about themselves, they are self-absorbed, so they will use this to gain sympathy. If you remember at the beginning of the relationship, the narcissist probably used this tactic to gain sympathy from you. They probably talked about a previous relationship, or their parents or friends. Remember this for the future. When a person is triangulating you with someone at the beginning of the relationship, this often suggests what it will be like at the end of your relationship with them. Soon they will be talking about you in that way.
Narcissists like to play the victim so they can obtain sympathy from people. This is something they have learned from their childhood. Maybe they would argue with their parent or do something they didn't like and then they went to the other parent to obtain sympathy. Then when they did something to make that parent angry, they went back to their other parent to obtain sympathy. This is where they learned to go back and forth, obtain sympathy without facing any consequences. You will notice that they repeat the same behaviours even as adults. If they do something to hurt or anger you, rather than owning up to what they have done or taken responsibility, they will play the victim and triangulate you with someone else. This gives them the ability to obtain sympathy without facing any consequences. It also causes you to compete for their attention and become jealous or envious because they have just triangulated you with someone else. Really they should be trying to earn your attention after what they have done to hurt or anger you. But narcissists don't want to take responsibility for what they have done. They are shame-based individuals doing everything they can to avoid reflecting on their shame. And because they are so childish and immature, they don't want to acknowledge what they have done wrong. They don't want you to confront them, they don't want to deal with serious issues. It's hard work for them, it hurts their brains and makes them feel like they are not good enough. They don't want to deal with that. It's much easier for them to live in their fantasy world and act as though they're perfect and something is wrong with you. Then they can find someone else who doesn't know what they're really about and use them to obtain sympathy as well as attention and
Another reason why they will triangulate is that they know they can't win by dealing with you directly. They want to bring in a 3rd person to share the task of defeating you because they don't believe they are strong enough to do it on their own. This 3rd person could be someone you don't know, or it could be a family member or friend. In this case of it being a family member or friend, it will be an attempt to gain control over your relationship with this person. They might tell them lies or paint a negative picture of you, to make this person see you in a different way. When the narcissist is triangulating you with people you already know, this can be designed to isolate you or to make you feel as though you have no one on your side. It makes them feel powerful and in control and if you are dealing with a really bitter, jealous person, the triangulation could turn into a smear campaign. For more information on smear campaigns, check out my playlist of videos on The Flying Monkeys and The Smear Campaign. If the 3rd person who is a family member or friend takes the narcissist's side without talking to you or hearing your side of the story, this 3rd person is likely to be narcissistic. They are easily persuaded and jump to conclusions. They lack empathy so they are not going to take the time to understand your side of the story.
Narcissists seem to bond together with other like-minded people who always assume the worst about people, without ever hearing your side of the story. Sometimes you will be triangulated with a person who doesn't give any response. These types of people are enablers, they enable the abuse to take place. They don't care about what is said or done, they are not going to defend anyone. If someone gets hurt, they just see it as though it's not their problem. Enablers do not have the strength of character to solve a problem or to even figure out what went wrong. Triangulation is one of the narcissist's favourite tactics. It is designed to make you feel as though you are worthless or beneath the narcissist's consideration. It is designed to make you think they are in high demand and you have to compete for their attention. It is designed to emotionally affect you and make you jealous or envious. During this time it is natural to experience cognitive dissonance, where you have two conflicting beliefs. You may believe that what you are seeing is true, but then you will also believe that this is not the person you met. The person you met would never do something like that. This is because of the perception management they did on you at the beginning of the relationship. They made you believe they were one thing when they were something completely different. They tricked your senses which caused you to enter this alternate reality where they just tell you what you want to hear or show you
what you want to see. Then when you finally see their true character and personality, you are removed from that reality. But you don't want to believe it. You don't want to believe that this is who they really are. You want to go back to the fantasy. The problem is, the fantasy never existed.
That person you met at the beginning of the relationship never existed, they just told you what you wanted to hear or showed you what you wanted to see. And as long as you entertain the conflicting belief that maybe this person could come back, you are giving them the ability to control you and affect you emotionally. That person never existed, it was a false image and an orchestration. They do have the ability to bring it back and return to the love-bombing phase. But this is only if they need something from you. Narcissists are self-absorbed and lack empathy, they only care about themselves, they only care about their needs. So if they believe that you have something to offer them, of course, they are going to come back and give you more of the fantasy. But it's not real, it never was. And just as you saw before, the abuse and manipulation will return. They make you believe that they have something valuable or significant to give to you, but the reality is they are only looking to use