Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation. It is designed to make you doubt yourself. Making you question your own perception, memory, and sanity. Narcissists deny the truth. You can try being logical with the narcissist. It will only weaken you and leave you even more confused. Gaslighting is probably the narcissist's favourite manipulation tactic, as it hides what they are doing and allows them to keep you as a source of supply. If you stay around them, they see it as a cue to see how deep they can go into controlling your mind. And then they will start to do it more and more often. They feel compelled to take control of your mind. It gratifies them in some sick, twisted way. They are always indifferent or going against whatever you are saying or doing. While hiding their true emotions, preventing the truth from being known. Because they do not want you to know the truth. They hate the truth because the truth is against them. You can never be on the same page with them. You can never have a mutual understanding. But if you could observe what they are saying and doing when they are not around you, you would see that they are acting and behaving
in a completely different way.
They are acting and behaving in a way that is more like you. They are stealing your character and personality. Your qualities, talents, and traits and using them when they associate with other people. When they are around you they act as though you're both so different and you can never have a common understanding. And you try to be as logical or reasoning as you can, only to end up feeling more confused. But when they associate with other people and they get into a disagreement, they are using that same logic and reasoning on them. They constantly devalue and degrade you. Put you down and give you backhanded compliments as though you could never be good enough. Deep down, they actually admire a lot of your qualities, talents, and traits. But they will never tell you that they admire anything about you. Because then in their minds, that would take away from them. They already feel as though they are not good enough for you. The game is to make you believe that you are not good enough for them. This is why they become so competitive, where they are constantly trying to prove themselves to you. They don't want to validate you or have you to see yourself the way that they really see you. They have probably made you believe that you are worthless or insignificant. But that's not really how they see you. That's how they want you to think they see you. They only do this to people who they perceive to be above them or better than them in some way. Otherwise, there would be no motive for them to do that. When you present yourself to them, it triggers them to reflect on how worthless and insignificant they feel.
They feel inferior to you and this is why it becomes a competition or a game. Think about it, all you have to do is be around them and suddenly they see it as a competition or a game. They feel compelled to prove themselves to you or display some illusion of superiority over you. They see you as someone to compete with because they secretly believe that you are above them. But they will never tell you this, they will never validate you, because if you really knew the truth, if you really knew the contrast between you and them and how much of a better person you are, how much more valuable and capable you are than them, there is no way you would stick around. You wouldn't want anything to do with them and they know this. They always knew this. This is what drew them to you in the beginning. This is what made them target you, rather than anyone else. But as they realized that those qualities, talents, and traits could never be theirs, they reflected on their feeling of lack.
They reflected on their own self-hatred, which then led to them being envious of you. The game is to make you believe that you're not good enough for them when secretly they know and have always known that they are not good enough for you. But if they can keep pointing out what's not good about you, it keeps you looking at yourself, so you don't realize all of the things that's wrong with them. Just like if they can display to you what's good about them, it keeps you looking at them as though they are the model person of how you should be. Rather than looking at yourself and realizing that you are better than they will ever be and that's the only reason why they are competing with you. If you believe that you are equal to someone else, whether in capabilities, qualities, talents, and traits. Whatever it is if you
believe that you are equal, there is no competition.
Remember, the game is to make you believe as though you are worthless or insignificant, so it keeps you looking at yourself in this way and then believing that you deserve this kind of treatment. When really they are the ones that feel worthless and insignificant, they feel as though they could never be good enough for you. It all comes from their self-hatred and feeling of lack, which then leads to envy. This is why you will never feel as though you are on the same page. You will never feel comfortable around them. Because they're constantly trying to confuse you and compete with you. They have to confuse you because they don't want you to see the reality or truth of the situation. Because that goes against them, it makes them look bad. This is why they have to feed you this false narrative, they have to get you to doubt your own perception, memory, and sanity. But if you pay attention to it, it's very contradictory. Why would they have so much desire and motivation to confuse you and compete with you, if you're really what they're saying you are. It doesn't make any sense. If you're really this worthless, insignificant person, what's the point trying to confuse you? What's the point of competing with you? And that's how you know that they're lying to you. They are trying to make you believe that you're not good enough for them, while secretly believing that they're not good enough for you. The game is to make you believe it and if you believe, it makes it that much more believable for them.
So to alter your perception of reality, first, they have to confuse you, they have created uncertainty in your mind. Then it makes you more open to their suggestions, you are more likely to be influenced by their opinions or implications. You are more likely to reach the conclusion which they want you to believe, whether it's something which is openly discussed or not explicitly stated. Once they have planted this way of thinking, this way of perceiving reality in your mind, they are then able to pull it up at another time in the future. They have already planted their suggestions in your mind, but if this was something that was never openly discussed, then you are more likely to take responsibility for this way of thinking or this way of perceiving reality. And while this may not be an issue around the narcissist, this is how they want you to be around them. When you start interacting with normal, healthy people it's not going to make any sense to them.
Normal people are logical and understanding. So when you start expressing these suggestions or this way of thinking to a normal person, it's going to create confusion and
uncertainty in their minds, and then they're going to think there's something wrong with you. The narcissist wants you to think, feel, act, and behave in a way that benefits them. Their suggestions and conclusions are just another way for them to obtain supply, another way for them to feel as though they are in control of you. They want to plant their distorted way of thinking in your mind so that you struggle to assess reality. You struggle to assess what is really going on and what is really happening to you. The narcissist uses this to their advantage, to make it seem as though you are crazy or something is wrong with you. When the root cause of all of this is the narcissist. That way of thinking, that way of feeling, acting, and behaving does not belong to you. It was planted into your mind by the narcissist. The game is to make you believe that it's your natural way of being and it's something that you created on your own. Just another way for them to make you think as though you are losing your mind. Even though, many times they are thinking exactly the same way as you. And they already know how you got to that conclusion, as they were the ones that created that confusion or uncertainty in your mind, leaving you more open to their suggestions. Of course, they will never accept responsibility for anything that they do to you. So any way you think, feel, act, or behave is your responsibility, even though they have gone out of their way to do all of this work on you. When gaslighting is done over a long period of time, it will break down your will to use any logic or reasoning. You will just accept whatever they are telling you. However they want you to think, whatever they want you to believe, you will just accept it without asking any questions, without doubting them, without having your own thoughts or beliefs about the situation. This is where the narcissist can have complete control over you and do whatever they want to do.
When gaslighting is done over a long period of time, you become an empty shell of who you used to be, you lose your identity. You are erased at a core level. It completely changes your character and personality. Your beliefs, values, and principles. Your way of thinking, feeling, acting, and behaving. At this point they can tell you whatever they want, they can get you to do whatever they want. Even things that are not true and that they know are not true. But they will fight to the end until you finally give in and accept their version of the truth. Their lies and false perceptions become superior to reality, to the real world. And when you're in a false reality which they have created, you have to accept their lies and their perceptions as truth. If you don't, then you're stupid or something is wrong with you. But then when you leave their false reality, you look like the crazy one. Because you have been forced to accept all of these lies and false perceptions as being truth. This can affect your trust of anyone even outside of the false reality. You don't trust your own judgment. They turn you into them, where even you have a fear of intimacy. Now you don't want to get involved with anyone, you don't want to be close to anyone, because you think they're just going to do the same thing again. And this is exactly what the narcissist wants. They don't want you to get involved with anyone else, they don't want you to be close to anyone.
Narcissists are pathologically envious and jealous. They have a fear of intimacy, they can't be vulnerable or be close to anyone. So they don't want you to be either, they want you to be just like them. Fearful of trusting anyone, fearful of being intimate. Now you don't even have the desire or motivation to talk to anyone new. You'd rather just be alone, by yourself. And this is exactly what the narcissist wants. They want you to be at home every night, by yourself, with nowhere to go, no one to see. No desire or motivation to go out and do anything, like you used to. And they get off on this. They get off on turning in a happy, joyful, outgoing person into a recluse. The narcissist wants you to live a solitary life, avoiding trust, avoiding intimacy, and favouring being alone.