Don't take anything that they say or do as something that is significant or valuable. Don't consider them as someone who is important. Don't consider them as someone who is worthy and deserving of your attention or respect. They are not worthy or deserving of your attention or respect. Why should you take notice of them or regard them as someone who is interesting or important? They never did anything to earn that status from you. They never did anything to be worthy or deserving of your care and attention. Most of what you saw from them at the beginning of the relationship was fake, it wasn't real. They mirrored you and appealed to your own ideals. They tried to make you believe that was what they were about, but that was not what they were about. They were not interested in giving anything to you, they were not interested in benefiting you in any way. They had nothing to give to you, they were only around to take something from you. So they never did anything to earn your attention or care. And they are certainly not worthy or deserving of your respect. From the devaluation phase onwards they treated you with contempt, as though you are worthless or beneath their consideration. They were envious and jealous.
Always trying to take something from you, even if it was just your happiness and contentment. Always anxious and fearful that someone or something might take you away from them, even if it was just a hobby or interest, or taking some time out for yourself. They disrespected you in every possible way they could think of. They abused you, emotionally manipulated you, lied to you, probably had someone else on the side that you didn't know about. They clearly never took you seriously. They clearly never had any care or respect for you. So why should you respect them? Why should you take them seriously? When they were devaluing and degrading you, it had nothing to do with you as a person. It had more to do with them. Whatever they were devaluing and degrading, it had a personal meaning to them. It was something of significance or importance because it resonated with them. They were trying to find the representation or expression of something intangible or visible form, which they could then use as a hook to hang projections on. They may have even induced you to become the embodiment of their projections. They may have pushed and provoked you to become whatever it is that they wanted to see or whatever they wanted you to be. They projected their negative characteristics or traits onto you. But this really had nothing to do with you as a person. They never saw you as a person, they saw you as an object or as an extension of them. When they were projecting their negative traits on to you, it was to regulate their self-esteem and their emotions. So it really had nothing to do with you as a person. This is why you shouldn't take them seriously. When they are seemingly devaluing and degrading you, they are actually talking to a mirror. They are using you as a tool, to express their own self-hatred. They never cared about how this made you feel because they are self-absorbed and lack empathy.
They had no compassion or concern for your sufferings or misfortunes, so why should you have any for them? Why should you have any care or concern for how they feel? Why should you be concerned about what they are saying to you? Why should you take anything they say seriously? They never took you seriously. It was always a game to them, they were never genuine. They're not even capable of being real with you, because then they would be exposing themselves. So why should you be real with them? Why should you take them seriously? They are pathological liars and most of what they say isn't even based on any facts or logic. It's all based on their out of control emotions. And when they are expressing these emotions, it's just their way of regulating them. They are expressing their own self-hatred, frustration, and resentment. It has nothing to do with you as a person, so don't take any of it seriously. Don't let it affect your self-worth and your self-esteem. Remind yourself of who you are, remind yourself of everything it took to be who you are today. All of the suffering and misfortune. The trials and tribulations. Don't let anyone take your sense of self away from you. And don't allow yourself to get into the habit of focusing on all of the negative things as they do. They could be looking out at a beautiful view, yet all they see and comment on is the specks on the window. Being around them can train you to see the world in this way, as though nothing is ever good enough and you can never be satisfied. And then you will just be miserable like them. So don't let them don't take your sense of self away. Focus on your positive characteristics and traits, remind yourself of all of the positive things that people have said about you. Remind yourself of your accomplishments and everything you overcame from the past. They feel negative and miserable about themselves, so they can only feel negative and miserable about you. Unless they are wearing a mask and playing their false selves. But even then that's only to extract something from you. Don't take these narcissists seriously. They are not a credible source of knowledge or information. They will try to persuade or convince you into believing that something about yourself is true, but that's just a projection. It says nothing about you and everything about them. However they are trying to make you feel, that's how they feel inside.
Stop believing in them and it will allow you to emotionally detach from them. Then you will be free to define yourself. You will be able to rebuild your self-worth and your self-esteem. You will start feeling more confident. And you won't want to be around them anymore. No self-respecting, emotionally healthy person wants to be around these people. They have to trick you into believing that something is wrong with you to keep you around. Then it leaves you chasing after some form of validation from them. You will never get validation from them. They can't even validate themselves, they have to project their emotional baggage on to you. They are the ones that are seeking validation from you. So don't try seeking validation from them. And stop taking them seriously, they are not a credible source of knowledge or information. Their arrogance can often come across as very suggestible or convincing. But just remember, they are not confident in what they believe in, they are arrogant. Which means they have an exaggerated sense of their own abilities and importance. They like to think that they know everything and they can't do anything wrong, but that's just to feed their ego and dodge their shame. They don't know everything, they actually know very little, because they never accept responsibility or accountability for their faults or mistakes. Without responsibility and accountability, there is no growth or change. There is no development. So they never learn or grow, they never really acquire new knowledge and information. Any knowledge or information you get from them will be biased, it will be used to benefit or favor them in some way. Don't take these narcissists seriously. Don't trust them as a credible source of knowledge or information. Stop believing in them and you will soon begin to emotionally detach from them.