Don't waste your time arguing with the narcissist. Don't waste your time trying to get them to see your point of view. You will never beat them at that game. Because they've had a lot of practice. They've been doing it for years. They know exactly what they need to do to provoke you. To confuse you and make you doubt yourself. They will deny, project, blame-shift and gaslight you. They will go all out to avoid accountability and evade the consequences of their actions. So there is no point arguing with them. It's not going to change anything. You're not going to win. They want you to fight them. They want you to push back. Because it gives them supply. It makes them feel powerful and in control. It feeds their ego. So if you want to outsmart the narcissist, you need to stop arguing with them. You need to stop giving them attention. Because you're giving them exactly what they want. You're making them feel important. Which is why you need to be indifferent.
You need to show disinterest. Instead of resisting their attack. Because when you resist, it gives them fuel. It motivates them. But when you act indifferent, they're not getting anything out of it. So then there's no incentive for them to continue on their course of action. They may just give up and leave you alone. To outsmart the narcissist, you need to understand that they are very insecure. They're shame-based people who are doing everything they can to avoid reflecting on their shame. By understanding that, you now know what motivates them. They're trying to avoid reflecting on their feelings of fear and shame. On losing their sense of the false reality that they have created inside their minds. Which is why they always have to be right. They always have to be in control. They always have to maintain their authority over you. Because they need you to support their false reality. Without your support it falls apart. And then they're forced to reflect on the truth that they're trying to reject and deny. But you should never reveal this information to them. You should never tell the narcissist what you know about them. You should never tell them that you believe they're a narcissist. Because by doing that, you're putting all of your cards on the table. You're giving them the advantage. You're giving them the opportunity to be ten steps ahead of you. To sabotage whatever you're trying to accomplish. Which is why you should use stealth and secrecy. Because it gives you an advantage when you catch them by surprise. It puts you in a position of control. And the narcissist does not want you to feel in control. They want to trigger you. They want to get under your skin. They want you to react. Because then they've got you wrapped around their thumb. They've got you under their spell. Which gives them supply. It makes them feel in control. And as long as they're able to leech off you, they're never going to leave you alone. Because you're feeding them. You're keeping them alive. Narcissists are cowards. They lack the courage to endure dangerous and unpleasant things. They act tough and fearless. But if you stand up to them, they will begin to back down. They're driven by their own fear, shame and insecurities.
So you need to act in support of yourself. Because that's the only way that they're going to respect you. It's the only way that you're going to get your power back. They will seek to harm, intimidate and coerce you. They will try to frighten you into doing what they want. But if you stand firm and refuse to surrender your advantage. They will begin to back down.
Don't argue with a narcissist. Do this instead to outsmart them. Develop certainty in your abilities and correctness. Be self-confident. Don't give them the reaction they're looking for. Show them you're not afraid. And then they will back down. Because they're actually more afraid of you than you are of them. Which is why they're trying to intimidate you. Because they see you as a threat. And they're hoping that you will submit under pressure.
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