Updated: Nov 18, 2020
The narcissist abused and manipulated you. They devalued and humiliated you. They destroyed your inner qualities and even took away some of the external influences, which made you who you are.
They disrespected you. They distorted your reality. They compulsively lied and maybe even cheated on you. Why did they do this to you? What did you do that was so bad, that they had to do all of this? The truth is, it had nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. The narcissists are full of hate, anger, envy and jealousy.
They are very insecure. They have an inferiority complex and a reptilian brain. They are self-absorbed and require narcissistic supply to sustain themselves. But they have no real awareness of their emotions. They have an inability to self-reflect and look within themselves. So they project these feelings on to you. They want you to feel hate, anger, envy and jealousy. They want you to feel insecure. They want you to feel as though you are inferior and not good enough for anyone or anything. They don't realize that we are not as hypersensitive to these negative emotions as they are. The fact that they have to consistently emotionally abuse and manipulate you should reinforce your belief that you are superior to them. And more often than not, when they try to imply that you are not good enough for someone or something, it usually means that you are good enough. They feel that they are not good enough, so they are trying to project their feelings on to you. They don't want to acknowledge their feelings, it's too painful for them. But it's like they are trying to hold a ball under water, they can only do it for so long. At some point it has to come up and that's when they project it on to you. They can only bottle up their true negative emotions for a certain amount of time. They are shame-based individuals living in hell daily. They have countless insecurities, an inferiority complex and a reptilian brain.
This causes them to be very impulsive, they don't even think through half of the things they do, they don't consider the consequences. They become very competitive with you and it's as though any amount of progress, success or productivity you make becomes a major threat to them. It triggers their inferiority complex which makes them feel hate, anger, envy and jealousy.
These emotions are like their fuel which drives them to react in the way that they do. There is no such thing as a relationship with a narcissist. They are self-absorbed and only care about themselves. Their impulsive nature overrides any morality or relationship contract. They may have said in the beginning that they are honesty, loyal and trustworthy. But that was their false self. They appealed to your own ideals. They mirrored you, showed you what you wanted to see and told you what you wanted to hear. It is impossible for a narcissist to be honest, loyal or trustworthy. If someone cheats on you once, they will cheat on you again and again. If someone cheated on their partner to be with you, they will also cheat on you. They are compulsive cheaters and liars. It may appear as though they are going against their own beliefs, values and principles. But remember, the person they showed you at the beginning of the relationship was their false self. Those beliefs, values and principles were never theirs'. They were yours and they mirrored them. They will tell you that they are loyal and completely against lying and cheating. Then they appear to break their own rules. If they cannot honor their own morals, how could they ever honor yours?
Because of their impulsive nature, they can't even trust themselves. So if they can't even trust themselves, how could you ever trust them? How could they ever trust you? This is where the hypervigilance and paranoia comes in. They are expecting you to be cheating or lying to them, because they have done it. If they haven't done it yet, it's only a matter of time until they do and they know that. The truth is there is no such thing as a relationship with a narcissist. It's a transaction and this transaction will only be long term if you are willing to put up with their compulsive cheating and lying; psychological, emotional and even physical abuse and manipulation. This transaction with the narcissist will have to be the opposite of everything you would expect a relationship to be. The narcissist will use mind control to make you believe that you are the problem, despite all of this. They cannot accept any responsibility or accountability for anything that they do to you. They never self-reflect and acknowledge their faults. Because of this, they can never learn from their faults, which means they can never grow. It leaves them unable to develop their emotional maturity. And they remain as emotionally immature as a toddler. Just look at how they abuse and manipulate you. Look at their narcissistic rage and narcissistic injury. This is all clear evidence of their poor emotional development. A long-term transaction with a narcissist could result in you losing your mind, losing your self-esteem, self-value and self-respect. Many narcissists won't stop until they've nudged you to suicide and even if you survive this suicide attempt, they will continue to push you again and again. Some narcissists have even killed their victims themselves. This is why we need to avoid these types of people. They are very dangerous and unpredictable. You don't know what your getting yourself into, when you deal with them. You find yourself getting caught up in a lot of their problems. With the narcissist, you are destined to lose and become miserable just like them. But if you break away from them, you can be the person that you were destined to be. Everything you could never be when you were with them. Everything they always prevented you from achieving in your life. Remember that person, remember the person you used to be, before the narcissist came in and started controlling your life. That's who you really are, that's the real you. And that person didn't go anywhere, they are still there inside you. Remember how happy, loving and fulfilled you were. Before the narcissist came in and trained you to be miserable and dissatisfied with life. Life is meant to be enjoyed, not endured. And you have all of the capabilities to enjoy your life, within yourself. The only obstacle that prevented you from doing that was the narcissist. They could never be happy or fulfilled with their lives, so they tried to shut yours down. Well, no more... It's time to remember who you are. It's time to stand up and be your true self, your best self. Everything the narcissist tried to prevent. That is the person you were meant to be.