This ONE THING Destroyed The Narcissist

There are only two ways that personality disorders or mental illnesses can develop: through a person's genes or their environment. Either way, it is still the result of the effect of that person's upbringing, the control, or the lack of control from their parents or caregivers. Usually, it's a mixture of both.

They experienced too much control in some areas, while in others, they were allowed to roam free and get away with certain things. This control, or lack thereof, shaped them because their parents or caregivers had the power to influence and direct their behavior. The parents were seen by the child as a standard of comparison, someone to look up to and emulate. They taught the child what was acceptable and what was not, restraining or exercising influence over them, which caused them to develop in a certain way.

If the child had been raised in a different environment with different parents or caregivers, they would have turned out very differently. Most researchers agree that a person's genes cause less than 23 percent of this personality type. The reality is that they didn't have the right upbringing and were traumatized from the beginning.

Many of them experienced a lack of freedom. They lacked the power to act, speak, and think as they might have wanted. They didn't get to experience private enjoyment in their lives, where they could act as they wished instead of being under the control of their parent or caregiver. This resulted in them developing low self-worth and low self-esteem. They believed that if they were worth anything, they wouldn't have had to go through that. They couldn't be free like everyone else.

They may not have blamed their parents or known that their behavior was wrong, but they felt the pain. They felt the guilt and shame for trying to engage in something they were taught was bad, even though it may not have harmed anyone. This damaged them, and after that, they were never the same. They felt like they weren't good enough or something was wrong with them because they still had these desires and ideas, but they were taught they were not allowed to engage in them.

So, they created a false self, a character who was everything their parents or caregivers wanted them to be. But it's fake; it's not who they really wanted to be. This character can only manipulate and deceive, which is what they learned from their parents. Their parents did this in the narcissist's childhood to control them. They may have experienced something different.

It was a bad childhood with a Code of Silence. They were taught to sweep things under the rug, so they learned that you're not supposed to talk about it. This is something they later began to use to their advantage, gaining power and control over their victims. If you tried to question or confront them, they would discard you and start a smear campaign to isolate you. They were trying to control your perception and the perception of the people around you.

But unknowingly to the narcissist, that isolation is what sustains you. It gives you the space you need to grow, become stronger, and rebuild your strength of character and identity. Once you've spent enough time away from them, you begin to develop your self-worth. You realize that you're so much more than what they led you to believe. You're able to achieve things that greatly surpass any expectations they previously had of you, which blows their false narrative of you out of the water.

If you were what they said you were, how are you able to move on and do better without them? This is why they hold on to the illusion so strongly and do everything in their power to try to control you. They don't want you to realize your power over them. They don't want you to realize that everything they led you to believe about yourself was actually nothing more than a figment of your imagination. It was a shared fantasy and emotional manipulation.

These emotions led you to act out this role in reality, where they could then point the finger at you and blame you for something they co-created with you. They were working with you the entire time. You were under their control, not allowed to make your own choices or decisions. They led you in a certain direction, which they later blamed you for.

Once you've had some time away from them and begin to rebuild, they no longer fight with you. You begin to sense a different atmosphere based on what they're communicating to you. You realize that they are the ones who are toxic and dysfunctional. You would have accepted that it was you and tried to change or fix it, but now you realize that it isn't you. You've done the work, while all they ever did was try to blame you and hold you accountable for the consequences of their actions.

You recognize that they're insecure and have no identity of their own. They are liable to groupthink and a hive mind. You recognize that all you ever got from them was a false character, an illusion of value and significance based on what they were getting from you. All they did was reflect back to you your own qualities, virtues, and beliefs. If that didn't work, they would devalue you and try to change you because they have nothing to give.

They were under unreasonable amounts of control in their childhood, preventing them from establishing their own virtues and identity. That is the person you see today, someone who just goes with the wind. They come across as fabulous or extravagant but then completely vanish and disappear. They never existed to begin with; it was a figment of your imagination, a shared fantasy.

If they were really this loving, compassionate person they led you to believe, they would still be there. They wouldn't have given up on you so easily. We also need to take accountability for where we find ourselves. The reality is that they've been doing this their entire lives, becoming like magicians or illusionists, master manipulators. They had to engage in manipulation, deception, and future faking, selling people a dream and making them believe in something that is not true or real.

When you've been hurt by someone like this and are aware of the pain, it has a lasting effect. It damages you, even if you're unsure. If you don't know if what they did was wrong, you're still holding on to that bitterness and regret. You still feel like it was unfair. It's only when you reframe it and forgive not only them but also yourself that you will begin to heal. It's only when you know and accept the truth and get it off your chest that you can experience real love, not only for yourself but for other people as well.

The truth is that they did the best they could from the emotional vibrational frequency they were vibrating at. If they were vibrating at higher levels of peace, love, joy, or even just acceptance, there would have been a very different result. Of course, that does not justify their behavior. It doesn't mean they're not responsible for their actions or not guilty of wrongdoing. It means that you got from them what they had to give based on the level of emotional frequency they were vibrating at. If it was at the lower levels of fear, guilt, or shame, they will continue to experience more of that until they finally decide to make the necessary changes.

Unfortunately, most of them will never develop that level of consciousness and awareness. When something goes wrong, they will always blame you as they're trying to deflect their shame. You will end up blaming yourself and carrying that emotional baggage, preventing you from healing the damage they caused. Until you begin to practice the art of acceptance and embrace it, your vibration will shift, and you will no longer decide to be around them. Your frequencies will no longer match, and you're not on a level they can reach, so there's nothing they can do to get you to attach to them, although they may still try.

That is when you need to set a boundary and distance yourself. If you're around them long enough, they will bring you down. Shame destroys anything it comes into contact with. It's very thick and dense, like a black hole. Nothing has enough energy to escape it. The only thing you can do is get away. You can practice love and compassion from afar. When you do that, you will feel healthy and free. When you set strong boundaries and separate yourself from their dirt and grime, you will feel better.

That doesn't mean they will just leave you alone. They will still try to come back because they're drawn to your light. As long as you reframe it and practice acceptance, you will be untouchable. They won't want to be around you for long periods because your vibration is too high. It will only cause their shame to resurface. They will only come back to sabotage what you've developed since they were gone. They're not going to come back to build. Many of them can't even establish anything with their own lives, so they haven't got much chance with you.

By knowing this, you won't even decide to be around them. They still have this mental snapshot, these thoughts and ideas of your old identity, the person you used to be. Just being around them will trigger you and may even cause your insecurities to resurface. Many people think that feeling triggered is a bad thing. They may believe they're not supposed to feel that way. In actuality, that is a sign that you are healing. You're supposed to feel something in your gut when you're around these types of people. It's not meant to be a pleasant experience.

The problem is when you stay too long and start feeling tempted and enticed to engage in reckless activities. You start becoming more like them. That is a sign that you've gone a step too far and need to find your way back. They're not going to do that. They're only going to pull you in even deeper. There are no limits or boundaries with narcissists. They will drag you into their mud, and one day you will wonder how it even got this far. But that's just what narcissists do. They drag you into their muck. They're not there to lift you up. They couldn't do that even if they tried. All they can do is bring you down to their level.

They lack self-awareness. They don't know the truth, or they don't want to know the truth. So they hide from it and run. They fail to understand the reasoning behind why they do certain things, which is why they can only do these things to you. They can only subject you to the very things they are running from. This is why they will never see or understand that the truth is within you. You've already accepted it as your reality. You've outgrown them because they don't accept what they did to you.

It may look like they're okay with it or as though it doesn't bother them, but they deny it. They deflect it. They gaslight. Deep down, they are aware that what they're doing is wrong, and with that comes a lot of shame that they're unable to resolve. They can only project that onto you because they can't get it off their chest. They can't come out and confess, so it stays within them and continues to grow.

We choose to accept our flaws and mistakes because we accept what was done to us. We leave no stone unturned. We do everything possible to solve the problem and achieve a good result while being mindful of others. We understand that what we do to others, we do to ourselves. The attitudes and behaviors we choose to adopt create consequences that imprint on us physically and mentally. When you embark on a certain course of action, it makes you more conscious and aware of certain things. It makes you more sensitive because you're choosing to accept it as part of your reality. This means it will have a larger effect on you, incorporating certain emotions, choices, decisions, actions, and behaviors that affect your future.

There is no separation. Everything is comprised or contained. What you do to another person is what you do to yourself, and you will experience the effects of that, if not now, then at some point in the future. It's important to let go of any desire or need to take revenge in retribution for what they did to you. Know that they will get what is coming to them if they're not already. This doesn't mean you should give up on just behavior or treatment or fair-mindedness, whether for yourself or another person. It should help you realize and understand that we are all connected.

If narcissists can't deal with their shame and regret and you're around them, you will find that you're having to take on part of their burden. They may have been abusing and deceiving you for years, even after you confided in them about everything that happened with your exes or parents. They know there's no escaping from that. They know they're preordained, so they can't accept it or let it go. All they can do is hold on to it, which will result in them blaming you and hating you. This puts them back to where they've been their entire lives, still locked into control, unable to express themselves freely because they fear being judged. They have no freedom to develop their own identity and beliefs. To do that, they would have to expose themselves, and of course, that's not something they're going to do. They fear that no one would accept them.

Deep down, they already know that what they're doing is wrong. They may blame you for things, but they don't really believe that what you've done is wrong. At some level, they recognize and understand that a lot of the things you did were the results and effects of what they did to you. If they were in the same boat, they'd probably do the same thing, if not worse. They know there's no justification for what they did. They know their actions are not necessary or appropriate for the circumstances. That's why they hide it and instead blame you, instead of taking accountability for their part. That's the whole point of the manipulation and deception.

At some point, you begin to recognize that not only do you not want to be around them, but they don't even want to be around themselves. They can't even sit in a space on their own. They need to engage in constant activity to distract themselves. They need to be surrounded by flying monkeys and enablers at all times because the truth is they can't even stand themselves. They can't stand what they've become. A lot of times, you become that distraction, where they're constantly badgering you, constantly on your case. If they're so high and mighty, you would think the first thing they would do is look at themselves and make the necessary changes. The reality is that they don't even want to know themselves.

They can't sit with those feelings. They have to project it onto you because the truth is they actually have no interest in themselves. It's all about manipulating you and deceiving you, making you believe that there's something real or something better or that you're missing out. If they can't get you to align with that type of thinking, then they're forced to look at themselves and the mess they've become. They've spent so much time observing and controlling other people that eventually they begin to lose touch with themselves. It's like they don't even know who they are anymore.

That is what will happen to you if you spend enough time around them. You will lose touch with yourself. As within, so without. You're connected and engaged with someone who has no identity or belief system of their own, which will have a large effect on you if you're around them long enough. If you're around someone with a strong identity, it will have the opposite effect. It will move you in the right direction as long as they stand up for something good, something more positive and productive. Then you will find that you're heading in that direction as well.

As long as you're around someone, they will have some type of influence over you, whether you recognize it or not. It will begin to affect the way you think, feel, and behave, especially if it's a powerful person or if they have a lot of followers. This is typically how it goes with narcissists because they're often surrounded by their flying monkeys and enablers, people who encourage their disorder, people who encourage their behavior to continue. It's also a choice they're making because they're quite comfortable with that. They like how their disorder functions and how it gets them the results they want. There's no incentive for them to change because it protects them from ever seeing themselves as they actually are. They can just dump it onto you or get one of the flying monkeys or enablers to deal with it.

This is why they targeted you. You were nothing but a distraction from themselves and their reality, the fact that they failed to develop an identity and uphold their own beliefs. Then they devalue and discard you, but it's only because they'd otherwise be forced to accept that they manipulated and deceived you. They'd be forced to look at themselves and see that their false character isn't real and that their entire life was a lie. They were controlled from the very beginning. They had no sense of freedom to develop themselves, so they're just a reflection of whatever they think other people want to see.

They're too afraid to live outside their comfort zone, where they might experience risks, especially when it comes to doing something right. They fear rejection and abandonment. They fear exposure. They fear loss and despair. Instead, they experience the chained elephant syndrome. They stay stuck just as they were when they were children because they gave up on themselves a long time ago. They have no fight left in them unless it pertains to manipulating and controlling you. It's never a fight for themselves because sometimes they actually feel as though you are them and they are you. You become an extension of them, where there is no separation, no distinct line between what is right or not right. It's just anything is anything. It's whatever you or they want it to be because they gave up trying a long time ago. They accepted that their reality was not strong enough to contain themselves and that their identity was not good enough.

So they discarded it. They got rid of it. If they got rid of that, you can be sure they're going to get rid of you. You can be sure they're not going to treat you well because just look at how they treat themselves. They have no respect for themselves. They're willing to engage in anything without drawing a line for what they're not willing to tolerate. If you're around them long enough, you will get caught up in that as well. You may find yourself drinking alcohol excessively or doing drugs because this is what they have to do to cope with the shame. They're not doing it to have fun. You may observe a lot of the things they do and wonder why they even bother doing it if it's not even making them feel good. It's because they feel like they have to. It was what was taught to them as a child, which is why it's all they have to give to you.

While you may be trying to grow or elevate, they're not going to be able to go there with you. They experienced a lot of control in their childhood, so they grow up learning to control the people around them. If they had experienced freedom, maybe they might have decided that same freedom for you, the freedom for you to decide and choose. But they never had that experience in their childhood, so in their mindset, it's fair game. They can do whatever they want with themselves, and they can do whatever they want with you because they were controlled from the very beginning. They experienced trauma, which caused them a lot of pain, and their emotions were not validated. So they created this menacing character to protect themselves because they didn't want to go through it again. By doing that, they had to accept that something was wrong with them, that they weren't good enough as they were. With that came a lot of shame, which is all they have to give: guilt.

They already know that if they were not the problem, then why would they have to be the ones who create this character and the illusion? Why couldn't they just be themselves? They created it because they were taught that they are unlovable, that something is wrong with them.

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