THIS IS WHY The Narcissist NEEDS Your REACTION

The narcissist needs you to feel or think something in response to their actions or words. They crave your feedback and validation because it gives them a sense of control over themselves. They often feel a lack of control over their own feelings and behavior. When they provoke a reaction from you, they feel a sense of control over you, which in turn makes them feel in control of themselves. However, this is a delusion. You have the freedom to think and feel whatever you want, especially when you're not around them.

Narcissists are always trying to predict your reactions to maintain their sense of control. This creates a difficult situation because they are always the common denominator. They only get a reflection of themselves or what they deem to be true, never an authentic version of you. This is why they eventually devalue and hate you—they actually hate themselves. They seek distractions outside of themselves, not by connecting to your authentic self, but by turning you into whatever they need you to be at that moment.

They live in a delusion, detached from reality, and blame you for their own thoughts, feelings, and behavior. They lack discipline, self-control, and a sense of self-worth. If they had an identity and even a tiny amount of self-worth, they wouldn't need anything from you. They would validate themselves. But they can't because they are very insecure, not confident, and anxious about themselves. This is why you feel the same way after interacting with them—they project their emotional state onto you.

Narcissists are suffocating and overbearing, giving you no space to be your authentic self. The only thing you can do is protect yourself by becoming defensive. As an authentic person, all you have is yourself. You reflect back to them whatever they think or feel in that moment. Because they are insecure and lack emotional intelligence, they detach these traits from themselves and assign them to you, holding you responsible.

Some narcissists may know it's them and not you, but they are too emotionally unstable to care. They need to control you because they lack self-control. A person with discipline and self-control feels no need to control anyone unless there is a serious threat. But to a narcissist, anything can be a threat because they are very insecure. They read too much into things, believing that actions, remarks, or situations have particular importance or meaning when they don't.

Narcissists thrive in chaos and dysfunction. They enjoy it because it gives them an opportunity to let off steam. They gravitate towards you because you perfectly complement their emotional needs. They want to know everything that makes you happy and sad. If they know what makes you happy, they can be your savior. If they know what makes you sad, they can punish you. Their power is in your reactions, especially negative ones. It gives them a power trip and makes them feel alive.

The only thing you can do is take back your power by not reacting. This will be very difficult because they will say or do anything to get a rise out of you. They may even do something extreme, like harming a pet, just to get a reaction. They are looking for you to feel or think something as a direct result of their actions because it makes them happy. The more malignant they are, the more pleasure they derive from your pain and discomfort.

Narcissists are conscious and deliberate in their actions because it benefits them. They have no incentive to change because their behavior has gotten them success in the past. All you can do is gray rock, leave the room, or leave the relationship if it is safe to do so. They won't change because they won't give up something that gives them power. The more you react, the more it fuels their fire. They will use your reactions to further manipulate, abuse, and control you.

When you react, you are the one who gets in trouble. They will record you to use it against you later, keeping you submissive and compliant. They will expose you first if they suspect you might expose them. They can't live without control because they feel powerless and inadequate. They grew up feeling neglected or unsupported, developing an inflated sense of self-importance to feel better. They chase the rush of dopamine and adrenaline from getting a reaction out of you.

The best you will ever get from a narcissist is an illusion. They live in a make-believe world inside their own heads.

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