Normally in a romantic relationship, the other person will treat you as being more important than anyone or anything else. They will put you first. They will decide that you are more important. They will take into account your needs and feelings. They will treat you as the primary priority. Because they're in a committed long-term relationship with you.
So there should be closeness and emotionality. Because they should have a feeling of love for you and strong attraction towards you. But this doesn't happen with narcissists. Because they treat the closest people to them the worst. It's like they're punishing you for loving them and being close to them. As though you're doing something wrong.
But it's because of their personality disorder. You are seeing the real version of them. You're seeing who they really are. While everyone else is receiving the fake version. And it hurts you. Because you don't know what you did wrong. And yet they're treating you like you're worth less than everyone else.
You're not getting the same treatment as other people. And they will often reveal this to you. Because when they're involved with other people, they will wear a mask. They will act normally and appropriately. And it will confuse you. It will make you wonder why they can't treat you like that. Because they will take the mask off and act a fool with you. They will take things out on you.
But that's just how it is when you're dealing with a narcissist. You will get punished for loving them. Because they feel most comfortable around you. So you get the real version of them. You get treated the worst. Because they've also got to keep you under their control. They've got to keep you at arm's length.
Because you have the ability to expose them. You could reveal to everyone what they're really like. And being exposed is one of their greatest fears. So of course they can't let you know too much or see too much. Because they're very distrustful. They fear that you might expose them for who they really are.
When you are in an intimate relationship with a narcissist, you will get treated the worst. And it will frustrate you. Because you know they have the potential to treat someone good. And you remember how they treated you in the beginning. You remember they treated you better than everyone else. They put you first. They made you their main priority.
They went all out for you. They put all of their energy and enthusiasm into you. Because they were lovebombing you. They were idealizing you. So in that moment, you were the center of their world. Which is why they were always trying to be there for you. But it was short-lived. It only lasted for a short period of time.
Because they felt like they had you trapped. They knew you weren't going anywhere. So then you lost value in their eyes. Because they think in their minds, that if you're so great, then what are you doing with them? Because they know they're full of shit. They know they're not about anything. So if you're so valuable and special, then why are you involved with them? That's how they see it.
So you begin to lose value in their eyes. Especially if you have children together. Or if you've made plans in the future. They know you're not going anywhere. So now they feel more comfortable around you. They no longer value you. So they feel like they can treat you however they choose to. Because now they believe that they have power over you. They believe you're under their control.
So they don't feel like they have to do anything to keep you around. While they put everyone else on a pedestal. They respect and admire other people. Especially people who are not a part of their lives. They will behave as though those people are more important than you are. Because they know that they've already got you. They know you're not going anywhere. So there's no incentive for them to treat you any better. Which will frustrate you.
Because you know that they have the potential to treat you good. But this is just how they operate. It's how their personality disorder functions. The narcissist will abuse you behind closed doors. They will abuse you in private. So that they can still maintain their deceptive outward appearance. Because to everyone else, they seem kind and polite. So by doing this, it makes it look like you're the problem.
Because you're the only one who is complaining about them. But no one else sees what they're doing wrong. So it makes it easier for them to obtain new supply. They can still get attention and admiration from other people who are under their spell. Which means that they won't interact with you as much. Especially since you already know what they're really like. So it wouldn't do much for them.
Because you're not under their spell. You know who they really are underneath the mask. And they're also talking about you behind your back. They're running a smear campaign to make you look bad. Which makes you look crazy if you try to tell anyone about it. Because everyone else sees the false image. They see the good side of the narcissist. Which keeps everything under their control. They have you under their control by keeping the abuse hidden.
And they also have everyone else under their control by maintaining their false image. And they feel powerful and special. And they feel powerful and special when they tear you down. When they treat you like dirt. It boosts their ego. It makes them feel superior. It makes them feel important. It makes them feel better about themselves.
When you are dealing with a narcissist, you will go from being gold to garbage overnight. Because you're human. Because you question things. Because you realize that something isn't right. Because they need constant entertainment. And they get bored very easily. So they're always looking for the next shiny new toy. Because they think the grass is greener on the other side. So they put you on the shelf. They forget about you.
You will find that you're arguing more and more often. And they will be looking for excuses to take a break. Or to give you the silent treatment. Because they're busy working on their new target. Or they're already involved with someone else. So that is when you will see even more hot and cold behavior. Because now they don't need you. They've already got someone else lined up.
So by this point, communication will get less than ever before. If you are still communicating with them, you will just be fighting. Because they're already preparing their new supply. And they're about to advance them to the primary position. But at some point, they will get bored of them, just like they got bored of you. And then they will be looking for someone else.
So that is when they may try to come back to you. But even if they do, you're still going to be getting the same treatment as you did before. Because there's just no incentive for them to act right. They don't need to. They can still treat you like dirt, while receiving positive attention from other people. Because they only show the real version of themselves to you.