People with personality disorders tend to avoid responsibilities, activities and household tasks that you would expect an adult to commit to. This is seen in narcissistic personality disorder and in people with narcissistic traits. The narcissist is emotionally immature. They cannot dedicate or devote themselves to anything long-term, they are very inconsistent and unpredictable.
The narcissist is like a child. They lack the capabilities and skills, they lack the sympathetic awareness and tolerance, the insight and good judgment, the consideration and the understanding of an informal or unspoken agreement or arrangement. They lack the qualities and traits of what makes someone an adult. They cannot carry out, accomplish or fulfill an action task or function a the same level as an adult. They cannot perform at the same level as what you might desire or expect from them.
This could be compared to driving a car and revving it to a high rpm, when the car is not built for that way of driving. If you have a car with a sports engine or something that is made for higher rpms; something that is made for performing, something that is made to work and function well to a specified standard, it is going to be an effortless task for that engine. It is going to require limited physical or mental exertion and it will be achieved wit admirable ease. But if you have a car that is not built for that way of driving; a car with an engine that is not made for higher rpms, the engine is going to struggle. It is going to have difficulty handling or coping with the level of performance that you are desiring or expecting from it. Because the engine was not built for high-performance, it was not made to work, function or do something well to a high standard.
If you are driving a car with an engine that was not made for high rpms and you are constantly revving the car and trying to get it to do something that it was not designed to do, you are going to be straining the engine. You will be unknowingly making a severe and excessive demand of the strength, resources and abilities of the engine. You are going to be forcing it to be making an unusually great effort which will then result in a state of tension or exhaustion, because the engine was not built to perform to that standard.
It's the same thing when you are dealing with the narcissist. When you are dealing with someone that has the mind of a child. Someone who did not fully develop, someone who is emotionally mature. They are the same as the weaker or less powerful engine. You are desiring or expecting them to respond as the more powerful engine. You are desiring or expecting to respond as an adult consistently, where they are unchanging in nature, standard and effect over time. But they will always be unsuccessful in fulfilling your expectations or they will neglect to do something, because what you are desiring or expecting from them is at a far greater capacity than where they are.
When you desire or expect them to perform at a higher capacity or as an adult, you are putting them under pressure or tension. You are putting them in a state of mental and emotional strain, resulting from your expectations of them. Because they do not have the power, skills or means to perform at that capacity. They do not have the proficiency or intelligence. Because they are not developed enough to provide you with the performance that you are desiring or expecting from them, the performance that you might expect to see from an adult.
The relationship is always going to be physically and mentally demanding for the narcissist. It is always going to be putting them under pressure or tension. It is always going to cause them mental and emotional strain. This is why they are always trying to escape or avoid you. They want to be recognised and appreciated as an adult, but they do not have the qualities, skills, abilities or the established set of attitudes to be recognised as an adult. This is why they have to manipulate you, this is why they have to control and influence you to their advantage. Because they want to be treated as an adult, so they give you a mistaken impression, they pretend to be whatever you want them to be. It gives them the opportunity to experience what it is like to be an adult, but it is beyond the extent of their ability. So
they cannot carry out certain responsibilities, activities and household tasks that you might expect from an adult. They are not capable of managing this consistently in the same way over time. It is overwhelming for them, it affects them very strongly and they don't know how to deal with it.
They like the love-bombing phase of the relationship, when it still feels fresh and exciting. They're still learning about you and you're having your first experiences together. But there doesn't have to be any responsibility, there is no duty to deal with something or state of being accountable or to blame for something. You don't have to consider much about the other person at that time. But the more involved you become with them and the more that is expected from them, the more that they are expected to perform as an adult, the more physically or mentally demanding it becomes. They cannot deal with adult situations, they are emotionally immature.
They might look like an adult on the outside, but inside they're a child. You see that they look like an adult on the outside and you're expecting them to carry out an action, task or function and to behave and respond as an adult. But they do not have the capacity to operate as an adult consistently. They might be able to do it for a short period of time at the beginning of the relationship, but they cannot do it in the same way over time, they cannot maintain it. They will try to perform adult tasks or functions in the beginning, but it will quickly exhaust their resources and leave them physically or mentally collapsed from overwork or stress. It's too much of a demand on their time and resources, so they will cease to support or look after you. They will discontinue the action, task or function. They cannot deal with the responsibilities that a mature, fully developed adult can deal with. They are deficient in their range of skills and abilities.
When you are with a narcissist, you should not expect anything more than the efforts of a child. They trick you into seeing them as an adult, but you should not see them in this way. Their inner properties are nothing like an adult, inside they are at the same level as a child. This is why you get disappointed, this is why you get sad or displeased, when they fail to fulfill your hopes and expectations. Because you are looking at them as an adult, when their inner constructs reflect that of a child. That is why they cannot carry out responsibilities, activities and household tasks that you would expect an adult to commit to. This is why th narcissist cannot fulfill your expectations.