The Most DISTURBING Thing About Narcissists

There are many shocking things that narcissists do, but this has to be the most disturbing. It is something that is likely to leave you feeling unsettled and render you unstable. When the narcissist first targets you, they tune into who you are. They have nothing in common with you; they don't share any interests, experiences, or other characteristics with you. Instead, they reflect back to you your own virtues and ideals, making it seem like you're perfect for each other, as though you're supposed to be together.

Because you may have experienced a lot of invalidation in childhood, when the narcissist shows up and acts like they're the same as you, you fall for it, even though you have nothing in common with them. They have a hidden agenda to exploit and steal your qualities and virtues. It's effective because they're very good at pretending. They're good at playing games and deceiving people. They know how to behave in a particular way to make you believe something that is not true because that's what they've been doing their entire lives. It's what they had to do to get by. They had to make people believe that they're something even when they're not.

They do it to get you to attach to them so that they can steal your qualities and virtues. When they provoke you to react, it's like they take a piece of you. It relieves their tension and anxiety, and then they inhabit your calm and composed demeanour. Before, they were very erratic and unpredictable. It may seem as though they suddenly changed when, in fact, they just stole your identity. They stole a part of you and left you feeling less like yourself, as though a part of you was missing because it was. They had literally robbed you of your qualities and virtues, of what made you who you were.

By the end of it, you're left feeling inadequate while the narcissist runs off with another person, feeling confident and optimistic because they're still pretending to be you. They take that state of mind and demeanour with them wherever they go. This is why you will feel like the narcissist suddenly changed and they were never the person they portrayed themselves to be. There was never an equal exchange because you were just doing and giving everything to them while they were just mirroring you. Then they rode off into the sunset to share these qualities and virtues with someone else, to manipulate them into being their source of supply while simultaneously using the situation to hurt you.

You think that you want and need them when, in fact, you just want that part of you back. You want your qualities and virtues, your interests, experiences, and characteristics, but you mistook it as though you wanted to be with them, as though they're this person that you're meant to spend the rest of your life with. You just fell for their fake identity because they were just reflecting back to you this idealized version of yourself. When you saw their mask come off, you felt disappointed. You felt like something was missing, especially when they began to devalue and discard you.

You can't even have a normal conversation with them. You have no difficulty talking to other people, but the narcissist just doesn't seem to understand you, which leaves you very confused. When they were love-bombing you, they understood you perfectly well, which is how you should know that they are intentionally invalidating you. They're doing it deliberately because that's how they tear you down and take pieces of you away from you. When they first targeted you, you were having good conversations and everything seemed to be going well. But then, when things were meant to progress past that point, it started to get really bad because that is when they started to gaslight you and make you think that you have difficulty communicating and as though everyone else thinks that way of you as well.

If you're emotionally strong, you will be able to validate yourself and remind yourself of your proficiency. But even if you do that, they will shift the blame onto you. They will say that everyone thinks you're crazy. They will make you feel like you're the problem. They will manipulate your thoughts and emotions so that they can gain control because they gain control by making you think that something is wrong with you and as though they're doing you a favour by being with you.

They often surround themselves with very attractive or successful people while they're nowhere near as attractive or successful because they're playing that person down. They're invalidating them, making them feel less than who they actually are. This is what narcissists do. They will find something that hurts you and then continuously poke at it to contain you. They will pretend that whatever you are is not what is ideal to them. They will make you think you're not good at having conversations and will chip away at your self-esteem to make you feel less than who you actually are until you lose yourself as a result of their actions and behaviours.

Everything that you were and everything that you believed you were is taken from you by the narcissist until you start to question who you even are, if you were ever a person, or if you became a person when you met the narcissist. But you did have an identity before you met them. When they targeted you, they created this mental snapshot of you in their mind and then distorted it. They took bits and pieces of who you are until they eventually found someone else and then discarded you.

When dealing with a narcissist, you need to validate yourself more than usual, more than you normally would. Otherwise, you're going to lose yourself to the void that endlessly consumes you. You need to remind yourself of who you are. You need to recognize the separation between you and them. Recognize the difference of interests. Recognize that you are not the same and be aware that they have an agenda that they're using to control you, to contain what they're envious of and what they're trying to strip away.

Don't think that you can just give them a little bit and then they're going to feel satisfied. The more they take from you, the more they will end up hating you because it's never enough. It just makes them realize that they're dependent on you like a child that is dependent on a parent. They will hate and resent you, and the more they age, the more bitter they will become because they can't regulate themselves. They use people as external emotional regulators, so they have to manipulate people in order to get their needs met. They have to take pieces of your identity, which is why they will eventually end up despising you.

You can do it on your own. You don't need external validation. You can validate yourself, which is why they often end up mocking you and being condescending, as though they're more important and more intelligent than you are. They may take you for granted, but they will treat you in a way that is apparently kind or helpful but betrays a feeling of superiority. You may notice this when they compliment you or give you recognition for something. They're coming at it in a way as though you're the subordinate and you need something from them when, in fact, it's the other way around. They're just projecting their feelings of emotional dependency on you, but they twist it in their minds as you needing validation from them when, in fact, you were fine on your own long before you met them.

It's just another reason why they hate you because it's just another thing they can't do. They can't regulate themselves, so they begin to despise your freedom and independence because that never worked out well for them. They crave enmeshment. They need boundaries to be unclear, to where there's no distinction between you and them. They're emotionally reactive to you, so they need you to be emotionally reactive to them. They need to make it difficult for you to escape. They need to hold on to you because they view you as an extension of them, as an extended part of them.

This is how they're able to do what they do. If they viewed you as a separate person with your own identity, they wouldn't be able to do it. An abuser must first objectify their target and view them as their property, as something that belongs to them or is an extended quality or characteristic of them. Abusers typically do this because they have low self-esteem. They feel powerless and ineffective in the world, so they have to latch onto you and abuse you so that they can absorb these parts of you. They lack an identity and a sense of self while you're already confident and self-assured, which is why they have to chip away at your self-esteem and anything that makes you you.

Even while they're tearing you down, they will still blame you. Once you become deeply involved with a narcissist, it may seem like an inconvenient coincidence or just bad timing, but your frequency and flow are conflicting with their rigidness and inflexibility. Your identity is incompatible with their lack of an identity, which is why you're unable to exist together. You cannot be fully immersed in a feeling of energized focus or full involvement and enjoyment when you are around them because they lack a sense of self. They have to take that from you, which is why you will never feel comfortable around them. You will never feel like you can just be yourself because you were never meant to be in the same space at the same time. You were never meant to cross paths.

It was unnatural. It was contrary to the ordinary course of nature because it wasn't real. It was a staged event, an orchestration. They manipulated you. They used you to their advantage so that they could exploit you for their own personal gain, so that they could derive benefit from you as their resource, as their supply, and extract these useful and valuable qualities and virtues that you have. It's why anything you tried to establish with them inevitably failed, and yet they put the blame onto you. They were the ones who targeted you. They planted themselves in an unnatural situation while they posed as a person who was real or genuine, which makes no logical sense. It's a Catch-22. A real, authentic person could not survive emotionally in an artificial environment, an environment that is made or produced by human beings rather than occurring naturally because it wouldn't be in accordance with normal human feelings and behaviour.

If you're an empath and you live in the city, you feel completely drained by the end of the day, or you spend most of your time alone. You naturally move away from networking and more towards an isolated space. Some of you may even live in rural areas because it's just a different type of energy. It's more compatible with empathic people, although narcissists can be found in rural areas as well. Either way, when you're involved with narcissists, it's always an artificial environment. At times, it may look real, but it's just made to copy something natural, to give the outward appearance of authenticity. If you spend enough time in that environment, you will find yourself giving more and more of your time and energy, and you're getting little or nothing back in return because it isn't real. It's not self-sustaining. The artificial environment or illusion is propped up by the empath's energy. If you're not present in the environment, it operates with a very low level of performance and effectiveness.

Empaths are very rare. Only 1 to 2% of the world's population are empaths, while NPD affects up to 15% of the population. There are many more personality disorders and mental illnesses. Dr. Ramani has said in one of her videos that she believes that narcissism affects over 50% of the population. The illusion is being propped up by other narcissistic people or normal people rather than those who are empathic or highly sensitive. Even though the illusion is still there, it's a very weak, low-energy performance in comparison to what they had with you. This is why they will typically hoover you or stalk you because finding that same type of energy again is highly unlikely. Narcissism is widespread, and that is why even when it seems like the narcissist has moved on, they always find a way to pop up again, even if it's just to triangulate you with their new supply. They can't find any fulfilment in that, and they have to experience it vicariously through you by trying to make you envious or jealous because they have no identity of their own.

This means that they can't experience the higher spectrums of vibrations and emotions like we can because they're constantly cycling through states of pride, desire, fear, guilt, and shame. They have no time to experience peace, love, happiness, or joy because they're constantly looking for the next dose of supply to pull them out of their misery and despair. They never accept the situation or environment that they're in. They're always trying to change it or put themselves in a situation where they don't belong, which instantly makes it unnatural. Anyone who remains in these situations for any amount of time will become inorganic as well, vibrating at a very low level, which means they're barely even conscious or alive. They're barely even aware of or responding to their surroundings, so they're only going to be responsive to slight changes, signals, or influences that are vibrating on a lower scale rather than those of a higher vibration. Even if it exists, they won't even be able to perceive it while they are in that environment.

At times, it's like the narcissists can't even perceive you. They don't understand it. They have to devalue and degrade you to pull you down to their level so that you're more on the same page. But as soon as they do that, you're contaminated, and it becomes an unnatural situation because it's unnatural for our vibrations to mix in such a dramatic shift downwards. It's more natural for our vibrations to go up, but narcissists force unnatural events in order to get what they want, which means that they're not really even alive because they're not experiencing the world in a natural way. At times, they often have nothing outside of the illusion to channel that energy to. Since empaths are very rare, you may often just want to be left alone.

This is why they're like loose cannons. They're unpredictable and uncontrolled because they have nothing else to ground their energy. It's only you. This is why they have to get you to filter everything through them so that you attach to them and then they can live vicariously through you because they need a vessel. All they have is a void. There's nothing inside of them. They're empty meat suits, so they have to fill themselves full of you. Whenever you get around them, you will feel like you're losing parts of yourself. You just can't be yourself around them. You're not built to exist in an unnatural environment. It will eventually destroy you unless you pull yourself out of it, while the narcissist seems to be fine because they thrive in unnatural environments. That's what they gravitate towards because that's what fulfils them.

For them to survive, they have to abandon their previous character, which they were using to violate their old source of supply. Then they have to build a new character based on your qualities and virtues in order to reflect it back to you, to attract you by making you think that you have something in common, in order for you to connect and attach to them so that they can extract narcissistic supply from you. This means that their base point or natural setting is to have no character at all. When you're around them, you will feel like you have the life sucked out of you because they're constantly feeding off other people's energy. They have very little energy of their own. They're like zombies. They're barely even existing. They're just constantly finding new ways to relate to people or to connect or find common ground when it's not even something that they care about or believe in.

They do this because they understand how the mind works. They're very good at reading people. They had to be to be able to survive emotionally. They understand that there needs to be something where you are in agreement, where you are sharing a view or opinion. They have to deliberately place themselves in an unnatural situation, which is naturally what they gravitate towards in order for them to survive as a narcissist. By doing that with every person they're with, they're not even existing. They also can't be alone. They're addicted to people, but they're living in a fictitious reality. They never experience reality directly. They experience it through a distorted lens because they get rid of any information that challenges their sense of grandiosity and their false narrative, which validates their self-centred and exploitative behaviours. They imprison themselves in a world of their own making, which is detached from the true reality.

The true reality is based on objective information or facts, while their reality is based on their feelings. This is why they have to gaslight their target into submission and deprive you of your qualities and virtues while assigning those same attributes to themselves. They're living in denial of the true reality. They're constantly running away from it because otherwise their disorder cannot function. It's essential to their survival that they avoid reality at all costs. When the narcissist steals your identity, it makes you blame yourself. You look at yourself thinking that you need to change or improve something. You try to become a better person. You try to become more attractive, and that may make them treat you a little better sometimes, but it will never be real. You will end up having to manipulate them or learn to tolerate what they're doing, or your only other choice will be to leave them.

When you're with a narcissist, you're going to be working hard for the rest of your life. They need constant praise and admiration, and you're never allowed to criticize them. You have to make them think that things were their idea, or else they won't do it. They're constantly engaged in their compulsive and obsessive reality as a result of their mental disorder. They're incapable of having a relationship with themselves or with anyone else. They have unrealistic and absurd expectations of other people. They scapegoat you. They blame you for the wrongdoing, mistakes, or faults of themselves or other people while using you as their emotional or sexual supply without any consideration of your feelings. You're completely under their control. You're unable to protect yourself from their manipulation because they want to distort your identity. They genuinely believe that whatever they think, see, or perceive about the world is the truth, and as though you're the one who is distorting reality.

Regardless of the facts or basic logical reason, it's just whatever they feel to be true because their disorder is maladaptive. They have an inability to adjust to the environment or situation, so anything outside of their understanding is weird or wrong. They don't like it, and they don't want you to like it. Narcissists have no identity of their own. They have no individual characteristics that would otherwise distinguish them from other people, which is why no matter what part of the world you're from, they all share the same behaviours and way of thinking. They have a fragile and inflexible ego. They can wear different masks, but who they actually are does not change. When they targeted you, they took on your identity. They stole pieces of you, and when they discard you, they may go off and use that to attract someone else, or they may take on their identity instead, whatever they think is more suitable to their current environment.

Underneath that, they're just very insecure. They doubt everything that they say. They doubt everything that they think or feel, which is what makes us good targets for them. As empaths, we feel everything. We react instantly to make other people feel better, to validate their perspectives so that they can feel secure in themselves. We are constantly validating the narcissist's false reality. We are making them feel better, and they are taking pieces of us away. They're using it to sustain their false identity, which is why once we're involved with them, we begin to feel insecure about our sense of identity. We experience uncertainty and confusion because we're trying to fix ourselves, to make ourselves better, when we were never like that before. We felt grounded in ourselves and in knowing who we are. But when you get involved with a narcissist, you feel broken.

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