When The Narcissist Leaves & NEVER Comes Back

Although we often talk about narcissists who are very jealous, possessive, and controlling, there are also narcissists who can erase you from their lives as if you never existed. This is an incredibly painful experience because it makes you feel as though you never meant anything to them. Suddenly, they deliberately become distant, and then they just forget about you. They forget all the past events that connected them to you, as though you were never a part of their life.

Narcissists lack empathy. They struggle to understand your feelings, problems, and life situations because they have difficulty understanding and regulating their own emotions. This inability to control their thoughts, feelings, or behaviours often makes them come across as insensitive or uncaring. They struggle to govern themselves by voluntarily creating and following their own rules and guidelines. Instead, they may even break laws or organisational rules simply because they cannot hold their emotions in check. It’s as though they need to be physically restrained to be kept under control.

This lack of control often manifests in excessive criticism, impatience, minimal forgiveness, poor listening skills, self-centredness, and victim-blaming. It’s like they are physically present but not really there. Their personality disorder inhibits their ability to connect and communicate. As a result, they may lack awareness because they didn’t have strong role models in childhood for empathetic behaviour. Instead, they may have been surrounded by unempathetic individuals, which has shaped their inability to care about anyone other than themselves.

Narcissists often reject you and treat you as unworthy of serious consideration. They are superficial, uncommitted, and half-hearted. They may act inappropriately, dishonestly, disrespectfully, or sarcastically because they are not concerned about you. They banish you and set you aside, often deriving pleasure from doing so because they are sadistic. Witnessing how they can pretend not to know you, as though you never existed, can be deeply unsettling. However, this behaviour stems from their view of people as tools to nurture their own lives.

A relationship with a narcissist will only ever be transactional. Even then, it won’t be an equal exchange—it will always be one-sided, focused on what you can do for them. They lack empathy, which means they cannot even seek you out or regulate their own emotions. They are trapped inside their own heads, making false assumptions and harbouring uncertainties because they believe their own lies.

Narcissists are empty vessels, responding only to external stimuli. They mirror successful people but don’t take the steps to create anything genuine on their own. They use people to improve their own lives, viewing them as extensions of themselves. They crave validation and admiration but lack genuine empathy, which makes it easy for them to discard you.

Narcissists often have a dysfunctional ego. They feel unimportant, which causes their superego to take over, driving them to aim for perfection. Outwardly, they may appear confident and supported by friends, family, and enablers, but this is often a façade. They construct a fantasy world to deceive others because they need validation and attention. They don’t care about your feelings; as long as they feel good, that’s all that matters.

In their minds, a relationship should revolve around them. They lack the mental capacity to consider your needs and emotions, which is why it’s so easy for them to discard you and move on. They will only ever do something for you if they anticipate getting something in return. The act of giving or sharing doesn’t fulfil them. Instead, they focus on what you can provide to validate their false image and keep them in control.

If you can’t fulfil their needs, they will move on. They lack the emotional depth to form genuine connections and cannot explore the deeper meaning of people or things. If you disappoint them or fail to meet their expectations, they can easily discard you. The only way to sustain a relationship with a narcissist is by abandoning yourself—becoming a shell of a person they can mould to their liking. However, even then, they may abandon you first, as soon as you no longer serve their needs.

Being discarded by a narcissist can be deeply upsetting. You may feel invisible, as though you were never significant to them. This can affect your self-belief, self-worth, and self-confidence. However, it’s important to remember that their inability to connect is not your fault. You have the ability to connect with others, which means you can reconnect with yourself.

Rebuilding your self-esteem is crucial for healing from the abuse. Have compassion for yourself, set healthy boundaries, and validate your own feelings. Engage in activities that bring you joy and surround yourself with people who appreciate and care for you. These steps will help you rebuild your self-confidence and self-trust.

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