What is self-preservation? I'm going to begin with a definition of what this is. Self-preservation is the protection of oneself from harm or death, especially regarded as a basic instinct in human beings and animals. It is the instinct to act in your own best interest to protect yourself and ensure your survival. An example of self-preservation is running away when you see a giant bear.
What does this have to do with narcissism? I believe that when we are around narcissists, the act or natural instinct of self preservation is limited. The narcissist conditions us to not trust our instincts. The narcissist changes our core beliefs, values and principles. What you once believed or valued before meeting them can be completely different during or after the relationship. This includes what you believe about yourself, or the world and other people or things. The narcissist teaches us to not trust ourselves.To not trust our own instincts.
Our own beliefs, values and principles. This is done through a form of mind control or gaslighting. They will tell you that something you believe or something that you have said or done is wrong. And then they will display what they believe is correct to you. Over time this can result in a significant change of your beliefs, values and principles. It will also change your natural instinct of self preservation, as you will no longer trust your own thoughts and feelings.
So instead of trusting your own instincts, your own thoughts and feelings, your own beliefs, values and principles. Naturally we turn to the narcissist for what is right and what is wrong. We turn to them for an understanding, for validation. This is where the problem begins as narcissists are very good liars. They also like to use manipulative tactics such as denial, projection and blame-shifting. So the very person who we should not trust, becomes the person we are turning to for answers.
By the end of the relationship you become a shadow of who you used to be. The narcissist can change everything about you and the environment you live in. You may look back throughout your life and realise that you do not possess the qualities you once had. You may no longer believe in yourself as much as you did, you may no longer view yourself as an attractive, loving or caring person.
The narcissist may have changed your beliefs to view yourself in a negative way. They may changed the way you once valued love, intimacy and relationships. They may have changed the way you once valued honesty and trust. Now I'm going to go into the narcissist's fake world or alternate reality and how this affects your self preservation. The narcissist creates this fake world or alternate reality.
They create their own rules, their own beliefs and interpretations, most of which go against social norms. You are expected to comply with these rules, beliefs and interpretations. Over time this form of conditioning can change you at a core level. In this alternate reality, they will rewrite the past. They will make you believe that you haven't achieved anything. They will also prevent you from achieving or obtaining anything. They will make you believe that what you have isn't that great.
They will make you believe that you are not as attractive as you may think you are. They will completely reconstruct your character and personality to be whatever they want it to be. Which is never going to be anything good, of course. For this to take place, for them to be able to reconstruct your original character and personality. They are going to have to take away whatever it is that makes you who you think you are.
They will abuse and manipulate you to the point where you don't know who you are anymore. Then they are able to reengineer your mental composition. They are able to reconstruct your beliefs, values and principles about yourself, other people and the world you live in. This is an essential process, if they are going to bring you into this alternate reality or world. In this alternate reality or world you have to be isolated and taken away from the real world.
Anyone who is in your proximity must be programmed or conditioned in a way so that they develop false attitudes and beliefs. Isolation is essential to deconstructing your mental composition and altering your beliefs, values and principles. Thus limiting your natural instinct of self preservation. To be a healthy, functioning individual there are certain needs that you may require. The narcissist knows this and they are very good at targeting whatever it is that preserves who you truly are.
As a healthy, functioning individual you may desire human connection, hobbies and interests, finding your purpose in life. The narcissist will target these areas of your life to ensure that you are unable to practice self preservation. If you have everything you need to practice self preservation, this becomes a threat the narcissist's narrative of you. In order for them to maintain their narrative and make it believable to those around you, they must target whatever it is that helps to preserve your true self.
I've noticed in my personal experience, certain areas they would target that they believed made me who I am. Women and relationships were definitely something they knew they had to target. I have always been naturally attractive to women. They became aware that I would always have a woman in my life who I was intimate with. Be aware that the narcissist studies all of this very deeply, they know the science and the psychology behind it.
They understand the neurotransmitters that are released within the brain when you have an intimate partner. Chemicals such as oxytocin and the dopamine neurotransmitters. These neurotransmitters have a similar effect to drugs. When a person is removed from experiencing the intimacy that they have been used to for many years, it is going to cause a significant change within the person.
Over a longer period of time, it could even affect them at a core level. You may feel as though you are no longer like the person you used to be. The narcissist understands all of this and this is actually what their alternate reality or world is designed to do. It is designed to deprive you of whatever it is you naturally need to function as a human being. It is also designed to deprive you of any form of human interaction or connection. Once again, the narcissist understands that this will affect the release of dopamine within the brain and it will also affect your overall mood.
They may not know the specific names of the transmitters or the actual process behind all of this. But they do know the exact effects that this is having on your brain. It also makes it far easier for the narcissist to point the finger at you and call you crazy. A trick the narcissist likes to use is to have sex with you maybe for several days in a row and then not contact you for a few days. This is intentional and they do this because they know the effects it is going to have on you.
Once you have been excessively intimate with them, your brain becomes conditioned to expect this level of intimacy again. Now when the narcissist cuts contact with you, they know that you are going to craving intimacy with them. This is when they are able to pull your strings and make you do whatever they want. It gives them a huge amount of narcissistic supply and makes them feel desired and wanted by you. They also like to have control over you, they don't want you to choose when you are intimate with them.
One of the narcissist's favourite tactics is to withhold sex, after they have already got you hooked on being intimate with them. You become used to it, you become conditioned. And the narcissist understands that this is one of the most natural cravings that you are going to have, whether you like it or not. They have also likely asked about your past and your childhood experiences. They have studied your past.
They likely knew if you had been abused or neglected and the effects that this would have on you as an adult. Especially if you have been sexually abused. They know that you are going to be craving some form of attachment. They understand the effects of what they are trying to achieve. They specifically targeted you for this reason. They are very predatory. They probably studied your family, social circle and any potential support you may have.
Then they gradually removed these people so that you could experience the full effects of their programming. The narcissist wants to have complete control of your body, mind and soul... there is nothing more satisfying for them. Towards the end of the relationship, they will prepare a smear campaign and enforce flying monkeys. This is designed to condition anyone who is in your proximity and anyone who you could potentially meet after they are gone. The narcissist wants you to be in a condition where you are constantly deteriorating.
They know that if you have the ability to go on and develop new friendships or relationships, hobbies and interests, finding your true purpose in life. They are going to lose control over the situation, they are going to lose control over you. The smear campaign is designed to prevent any of this from naturally occuring. Even in the real world, the majority of people feel as though they are not being heard or seen.
When people interact, it is not to listen to other person, rather it is used as an opportunity for them to be heard. We live in a narcissistic world where people are becoming more and more self-absorbed. This is why we are starting to see so many people acting out these days. We have lost the ability to connect as human beings, we have forgotten the value of listening to the other person.
When people are having a conversation, they are not really listening to each other, they are in their own minds thinking about what they want to say. They are just waiting for the other person to finish what they are saying, so that they can express themselves and get something off their chest. So everyone wants to be heard, but no one wants to listen. And if you look at the world today, you can see the effects that this is having.
It is a problem and there have been many things that were supposed to be a solution. Such as social media, it was supposed to help us to connect, but it seems that it has only divided us even more. Real intimacy or genuine human connection is extremely rare in today's world. Another potential solution is ASMR. It has become very popular over the last few years, probably 100s of millions of views on YouTube. The problem we have is that there is no real intimacy or human connection.
ASMR was designed to treat this issue, but when you think about it, it's just masking the problem. And some of these videos are so intimate... when you have them looking deep into your eyes and whispering in your ear. How can someone in real life ever compete with that?
If someone did that to you in real life, it would likely feel very uncomfortable. But when you are watching it on YouTube with your earphones in, it's giving the same effect without feeling as invasive. Just my thoughts on that. Anyway back to the alternate reality or world which the narcissist creates. As I said, in the real world people do not feel like they are being seen or heard. So they are constantly doing whatever they can to be noticed.
You will see people splashing out on fancy cars, designer clothes, dressing half naked... doing whatever it takes to be seen. If they are not being heard, it creates a conflict. To resolve this conflict, everyone must be heard. But of course, as I said before, everyone wants to be heard but no one wants to listen. So how could this ever be resolved, until people realise the value of listening? And this is in the real world in the narcissist's alternate world it's even worse.
Once you have been smeared, no one will value anything you say. It doesn't matter if it's completely true, if it doesn't go along with their false narrative it is irrelevant. It has to validate them or gratify them in some way to hold any value. The smear campaign is designed to prevent any potential intimacy or human interaction. Because the narcissist knows the effects that this will have on your brain.
But you can still practice self preservation even without intimacy or human contact. This will be very challenging in the beginning, but over time you will feel strong. And remember it is better to have no intimacy or human contact, than to be connecting with toxic or narcissistic people. People that operate on such a low frequency like that will only bring you down.
And that's exactly what their alternate world or smear campaign is designed to do, it's designed to lower your emotional vibrational frequency to their level. It's designed to make you feel anger, desire, fear, grief, apathy, guilt and shame. And it is designed to prevent you from experiencing peace, joy, love, reason, acceptance, willingness or even neutrality. So you are going to have to learn how to experience these higher emotional vibrations on your own.
And I'm going to be honest with you, it is a very difficult thing to do. As human beings, we are designed to crave intimacy and human connection. There really is nothing you can do about that and the narcissist knows the power of their smear campaign or alternate reality. It is specifically designed to break you down. It is designed to change your beliefs, values and principles about yourself, the world, other people and things. You need to start focusing on yourself rather than the narcissist.
While you are in this alternate reality or world it may be tempting to turn to addictions. Addictions such as drugs, alcohol, prostitutes, gambling or pornography. But this is exactly what the narcissist wants you to do. This is how their world is designed to affect you. They want to see you begin doing drugs and drinking alcohol, anything to relieve the pain right? They want to see you lower your standards and settle for prostitutes. They want you to substitute any real feeling of excitement for gambling.
They don't really want you to watch pornography, because that's very difficult for them to compete with, it makes them feel inferior. But in general, they want to see you develop addictions because of the alternate reality they have created. They want to see you substituting whatever it is you are used to. They want to change you at a core level. Any time that they even see you trying to go back to the person you used to be, it triggers their inferiority complex all over again.
They are thinking in their minds "You're not supposed to be doing that, that's not who you are. That's who you used to be, before we changed you." Anything that resonates with your original character or personality will trigger them to feel this way. Remember the real you made them experience emotions they don't want to experience again. Intense hatred, anger, envy and jealousy. They don't want to feel that way again, that's why they felt compelled to create this alternate reality. But enough about what they are trying to do to you.
I want to talk about how you can practice self preservation. You need to remember the person you once were before they created this world. Start doing the exact same things you doing back then. Start listening to the same songs, songs that will make you feel the same way you once felt. If the narcissist is stopping you or making it difficult for you to be yourself in your current environment, go somewhere else.
Don't tell them you are going somewhere, just leave and start being you. Instead of being their version of you, because that's not who you really are, that's just who they want you to be. They want you to be that person because it makes them feel more comfortable. They don't want to see you progressing or succeeding, achieving or obtaining, because it makes them reflect on themselves and how miserable they are.
So you just leave and start living the life that you want to life. If you don't have the money right now, take a short trip so you can get your mind in the right place. You can start remembering who you really are before they stuck their noses in your life and start changing everything. Being around these people, you are constantly reacting to them.
You are constantly being what they expect you to be, because any time that you aren't following their false narrative, they feel uncomfortable and try to change you to suit how they want you to be. So you need to get away from that environment. As long as you are around these people, you will never be able to be your true self. How can you be your true self when your environment is responding as though you are someone else? That doesn't make any sense.
So you need to get away somewhere where the environment will respond to who you really are. Then you can be free, you can be your true self, instead of being someone else's version of you. Your reality needs to be in line with who you are. If you want to cope with the situation until the time when you are able to leave. Start getting back into that person you used to be.
Ask yourself, what would the old you say about all of this? What would they tell you to do in this situation? How would they react to all of these narcissistic idiots? Listen to your true self, because that's who you really are. Start listening to the songs that you were listening to back then. If you were eating good, healthy foods start eating that again. Healthy eating will make it easier for you to raise your emotional vibrational frequency. If you are craving any real human intimacy or connection, watch videos on YouTube.
Especially videos from countries in the eastern world or South America, it seems to be less narcissistic over there in my opinion. Watch ASMR videos, remind yourself of how it feels to be intimate, how it feels to connect. This will help get you back to your true self. This will allow you to practice self preservation. As much as you can, try to do the same things that you were doing before you got involved with these people.
Go to the gym, start working out. If you used to enjoy swimming, but the narcissist told you you're no good, don't listen to them. Start swimming again. Everything they told you, you can't do or you're no good at, that's exactly what you should be doing. That's exactly what your body needs and that's exactly what will help you to practice self preservation. So pay attention when they tell you something you shouldn't do or you are not good at.
If you listen to your true self, the person you used to be... that's exactly what they would be doing. Everything the narcissist has tried to control or prevent you from experiencing is exactly what you need to practice self preservation. Practice mindfulness. Pay attention to your thoughts and feelings in your environment or when you are around certain people. Practice self-love, look in the mirror and start loving everything they told you was not good or not right.
They were only projecting their own insecurities on to you. You are most likely a beautiful person with an amazing personality, that's why they had to create this world to control you. They had to place limitations on your life because of the perceived limitations in their lives.
Forget about everything they said, forget about their criticisms and distorted perceptions, they were wrong. They just didn't want you to be you.
Because witnessing your beauty, witnessing your amazing personality made them feel envious and jealous of you. Don't let them control your life, it's your life. You were given free will by God. They have no right to take that away from you, that's demonic in itself. So you start meditating on the person you used to be, before you got involved with them. Remember that person and start living as them now.
Remind yourself of the beliefs, values and principles you once had about yourself, the world, other people and things. Start playing those old songs again so you can start feeling the way you used to feel. Go to the places you used to go, do the things you used to do. Just start learning to be you again.