If you are watching my videos, it's likely you had a narcissistic parent. And that parent may have been your father. The narcissistic father enforces strict obedience to his authority at the expense of your personal freedom. Which may leave you feeling trapped in an undesirable situation. Because they also lack warmth. They're very unfriendly. They're invalidating. They're extremely offensive and insulting. They don't give you the proper care or attention. Which affects your self worth and your self-esteem. It makes you feel like you're not good enough. Which sets you up to meet a narcissistic partner at least once in your life. You may feel this need to win over the narcissistic father. You may wish to persuade them to accept and support you. When this is something that shouldn't need to be earned. But it sets you up to develop this mentality of feeling that you need to do a complicated and difficult series of things. In order to make them happy. Which leaves you feeling like you're never good enough. When your father is supposed to be your role model. Your father is supposed to be an example to be imitated.
You are meant to emulate their behaviour, example and success. But most of the time, the narcissistic father doesn't even notice you. Their regard for you is dependent on whether you do what they tell you to do. If you do exactly what they want you to do, they will be there for you. But if you choose to be your own person, they can be very invalidating. They're also very uncomfortable with the emotions of their children. They will shame you for having emotions. Which can also cause their children to become narcissists. Because narcissism is characterised by shame. Narcissists are shame-based people. But if you are watching my videos, it's likely that you are not a narcissist. You may feel uncomfortable with your reactions, feelings, sensations and memories. You may have difficulty with relationships. You may find yourself always seeking other people's approval. And you may take excessive measures in attempting to correct or make amends for an error, weakness or problem. You may try to make lots of money, so that you can prove the narcissistic father wrong. If you have a narcissistic father, you may constantly find that you are experiencing shame. Because you understand that things in your family were not ok. And you may often blame yourself. You may feel like you don't want anyone to know about your family. But there's no reason for you to feel humiliated or distressed for it, because you were not the creator of your family system. Instead, you need to practice radical acceptance. Stop fighting reality. Let go of any bitterness that may be keeping you trapped in a cycle of suffering. And just recognise that you know who they are.
A narcissistic father can have very significant effects on the child's life. They can cause significant psychological harm to you. Which may leave feeling like you don't have any respect for him. Because narcissistic fathers have difficulty controlling their tempers. They cannot admit their own flaws. And that lack of accountability is then what destroys everything in their lives. Which then alienates you. It isolates you and leaves you feeling estranged. Healthy fathers want their children to be better than them. They want you to be more successful than them in everything. It is a natural desire. But for a narcissistic father, that is the last thing they want to see. When they feel like you are becoming better than them, they get very envious. They get very bitter and resentful. And then they just want to shut you down. When a healthy father would be proud of that. They would encourage it. Because a healthy father would be happy for their child. Which would then cause that child to always respect their father. The greatest quality that a healthy father could possess, is the ability to set aside their emotions. And then use their logic, reason, knowledge and experience to dictate their actions. Instead of letting their emotions dictate their actions. A narcissistic father's actions will always be dictated by their emotions. They have difficulty controlling their anger, envy and resentment. They will only control it when there are other people around. Because their image is very important to them. But when you're at home, they can be very indecent. Because they're very dishonest. They hide who they really are.
Narcissistic fathers do not act like men. And that is why you may not respect your father. Because they didn't give their best. They allowed their impulses to run their life. Which is why you may even hate your father. But this is something you need to overcome. You may not love what they do. But that doesn't mean that you should hate them. The opposite of love is not hate. The opposite of love is indifference. It is to have a lack of interest, concern and sympathy for them. Which is why hate should eventually become indifference. Because although they may have disappointed you. Although they didn't live up to your expectations. Although they didn't use the qualities they had to be someone you admired and respected. If you hate them, it will only hurt you in the end. Especially if you are the scapegoat child. Because the narcissistic father doesn't care if their scapegoat child hates them. They may even want you to hate them. So instead of hating the narcissistic father, be indifferent. The reason why people hate, is because deep down they secretly love and admire something about that person. There is actually a very fine line between love and hate. Which is why the opposite of love is indifference. The opposite of love is to let go of everything you expected them to be.