When you go no contact with the narcissist, they sense that something is wrong. They know that you're on to them. They know that you've figured them out. They know that you know. Because up until that point you may have been under their spell. They managed to pull the wool over your eyes. They had to do that to control you. Because they're very insecure. They're shame based people who are doing everything they can to avoid reflecting on their shame. But they don't want you to know that. Which is why the last thing they want is for you to leave them. They have a fear of abandonment. Even though they may have mistreated you the entire time. You may have thought that they wanted you to leave them. Because it may have seemed like they hated you. But when you do leave, they try to make you feel bad.
As though you're doing something wrong. As though you have no right to leave. But when you do leave, they know their scheme and deception has been revealed. They know that you've discovered their dishonest activity. And they may feel disappointed. But they're not going to tell you that. Instead, they're going to turn against you. Because their shame is eating away at them. It's destroying them. But instead of acknowledging it and trying to deal with it, they become defensive. They try to protect themselves against what they perceive to be an attack on their interests. They experience a narcissistic injury. Because it causes their childhood trauma to resurface. They get very angry. And they try to beat you to the punch.
They try to get you before you get them. To make you look like you're bad, wrong or crazy. They can't look that way. Because image is everything to a narcissist. So they have to take you down. Which is why they will talk about you to other people. They will start a smear campaign. They will make false accusations about you. And they may even try to drag you through the courts. Because if you've gone no contact, they're now unable to use you to regulate their own emotions. Which is why they will come back to threaten you. They will enforce their flying monkeys. They will spread rumours about you. Especially if they're a malignant narcissist or a psychopath. They will show a strong and unreasoning desire for revenge. Because they really hate you. But it's not really about you.
It's a projection of their own self-hatred and shame. Which they don't want to deal with. Which is why you need to be two steps ahead of them. You need to anticipate what they're going to do. You need to focus on your health. You need to focus on defending yourself against their attack. You need to believe in yourself. Because you are capable of overcoming this. As long as you make the right preparation for it. Because they're going to come at you with all sorts of mad and erratic behaviour. And you need to remain unmoved and unbothered. Because they will get supply from that. And then you've just got to keep moving. Just keep doing what you do. Don't let it affect your life. Show them that you're still able to do what you need to do. You're still able to take care of yourself. Don't let it get to you. Because that gives them supply.
They love that. And they're always looking for your reaction to the abuse. It lets them know that they're safe and secure. Because they're actually more afraid of you than you are of them. Which is why they have their temper tantrums. Because it's meant to intimidate you. It's meant to manipulate you into doing what they want. Just remember you're better than that. You do the right thing, even if they're acting childish. Even if it's not advantageous to yourself. Because you understand that it's not all about you. But they just can't get over themselves. They can't stop thinking that they are so important. They can't stop complaining. They can't stop moaning and groaning. Because they hold too high an opinion of themselves. They focus solely on their own situation and how it's affecting them. Instead of the bigger picture. And that is why they always lose in the end.