top of page

Do Narcissists Use You For Money?

Narcissists are not good with money. They don't live within their means. Which is why they often don't have enough money to cover all expenses. Even while they're spending lavishly. Because they're very careless. They don't show enough care or attention to things that should be more important. They use spending as a way to regulate their emotions. It makes them feel better about themselves when they're experiencing stress or sadness. It's a coping mechanism to avoid addressing these difficult emotions. And it's why they will often end up neglecting their finances.

They will spend money carelessly, extravagantly, and to no purpose. Because in their minds it doesn't matter. They can spend it all. They don't need it. But it's just magical thinking. It's not their reality. Because they often end up in very bad financial situations. And they will end up using your money. Maybe there's a certain type of body wash you like. And they will use it recklessly and rapidly like it belongs to them. But they won't feel inclined to replace it or to fill it up again. You may have thought you could trust them with certain bills or expenses. You may have thought that they could be financially responsible. But at some point, you discovered that they never paid it.

Maybe you even gave them the money yourself. But they went and spent the money on something else. Because if you are the closest person to the narcissist. They will see you as their personal ATM. They will use you for money. They see you as someone who provides them with reassurance, support, and security. Especially if you have demonstrated to them a state of consistent behaviour and treatment. If they can rely on you for money and comfort. If you're very likely to do what they expect. They will see it as though they can mess up. They can mishandle the situation. They can cause you emotional and psychological problems. And you will somehow find a way to fix it, if they do something really bad. You will figure it out.

Narcissists are very reckless. They're heedless of danger and the consequences of their own actions. And they always expect you to rescue them from difficulty. But after a while, it will end up causing a lot of damage. It will end up causing a lot of problems. You will end up losing a lot of money from dealing with them. Because as soon as you think you've solved one issue or problem... There's going to be something else that is growing and causing difficulty. From something else that they've done. It's just never going to stop. There's always going to be something else that you have to deal with. And most of the time, you will be unprepared for it. Because they're not letting you know that they're doing it.

They're not letting you know that they're not paying certain bills. They're not letting you know that they're spending the money on other things. And because they're so reckless and careless, sometimes they may even forget. Which is why they have a problem with sustaining anything. They have a problem with security and stability. Because they cannot remain consistent in anything long enough to achieve a significant outcome or result. They spend carelessly and extravagantly. In a way that is not associated with a mature adult. Because they're emotionally stunted at the development of a child.

They're still living in a childlike state. And it ends up having an effect on their lives. But if you question or confront them on this, it will only cause more arguments. They may have just gotten paid from their job. Or they were given money from somewhere. And they've already spent it on things they don't even need. Things that have no meaning or purpose. But they know how to prevent further disagreement by giving you what you want. They know how to please you and make you less angry by giving or saying something desired. So they might buy you something. They might give you a little bit of money. But most of what they have is for them. It's never in correct proportions.

There's never an equal exchange. But just to reduce the amount of criticism that they're receiving, they will pretend to show some concern. But just think about it. If they're neglecting themselves financially, you should expect them to neglect you as well. Because they haven't got what they need for themselves. So by default, all they can do is use you. Because they have nothing to give back to you in return. But if you try to correct them, they're not going to hear it. They're not going to listen to you. Because they want to remain in this childlike state. So that they can remain unaccountable. Because in their minds, they don't have to be accountable if they're not acting like an adult.

They can always choose someone who is going to assist them. But they still want the rights and advantages of being an adult. Even while they're not functioning like an adult. And that is why there's always a disagreement with them. Because you're dealing with a child who wants adult privileges. A child who wants to be treated as an adult, but without the responsibility of an adult. Which is why there's always going to be a problem with money. And no matter how many times you tell them, they're not going to listen. They will pretend to understand, but they don't.

When you're out of sight, they will behave carelessly and recklessly. They will repeat the same actions that you disapproved of. They don't agree with you because they understand what you're saying. They just do it to relieve the pressure and stress. So if they're not good with money, they will make you think that they've figured it out. But they're just manipulating you. They're giving you a false impression. So that you won't continue to observe and examine their actions. As you would if you knew that they weren't good with money. If you knew that they couldn't handle money like an adult. So they will imitate your actions.

They will lie to you. They will play the role, as though they know what they're doing. As though they understand. But they're just hiding their harmful behaviors so that you don't judge them. So that you don't figure out who you're dealing with. So that you don't prevent it from continuing. But it's never going to change. They're always going to be bad with money. Especially if they're in a relationship. Because then in their minds, they think they can afford anything. Everything seems inexpensive. They feel like they can have whatever they want, without having to worry about the consequences of their excessive spending.

Money just feeds their narcissism. It makes them even more reckless and careless. It makes them even more self-absorbed. And you just become this person who supports their fantasy. You become their enabler. And all they have to do is play their role and keep you calm and satisfied. So that you still want to keep them around. So that you don't want to get rid of them. And they're very good at doing that. They're very good at operating in an undetected and secretive manner. Where their faults and failures to meet certain standards are unnoticed.

A lot of people will ignore it and they will not think of them as a narcissist. Because they're very good at massaging your ego. They know how to praise and compliment you. They know how to make you feel special and important. So a lot of people overlook these warnings of danger. They enable them to continue behaving in this way. Which will eventually bring them down as well. Which is why you should never trust a narcissist with money. You should never expect them to be responsible. It's a waste of time.

314 views3 comments

Recent Posts

See All


You have desribed my husband 100%. He is rubbish at managing money and literally chaotic when it comes to budgeting, paying bills and stuff. Sometimes i think he lives in an alternate reality. I wish I never met him!!!


I will have to disagree with this one - my ex narc husband of 34 was and is obessed by money - he used my money lost it and blamed me for it ... He made me believe I was bad with money and overspending but actually now he discarded me for good ..Guess what I paid my leftover debts in 3 months time all by myself and having both of our kids with me for past 7 years paying almost all by myself. He is cheap and obsessed with money ... Oh he has money BUT IT WAS MINE mostly ... He left us years ago but kept me on the side as a back-up, he did nothing to…


Oct 03, 2022

Just like everything else, a narcissist does not want to be told what to do. They often have secret addictions that are quite expensive. My ex narcissistic husband told me once that he would pick fights with me so that he would feel justified in spending money on his addiction. Unfortunately, his addiction turned out to be something that shocked me. He was leaving each morning to find a prostitute. I can't even imagine how many thousands of dollars he spent on that addiction. And, he was putting me at risk. He told me that he was a virgin when we married. From his lack of skill, I believe him. I didn't know any different because I was a virgin…

bottom of page