What Narcissists HATE Most About YOU

It should be no surprise to you to learn that narcissists hate you. They engage in hostile behaviour; they're unfriendly, oppositional, and resistant. Yet, there is this continued presence—they keep coming after you and do not stop, which is the definition of an Internet troll or a hater.

They do things deliberately to bait you. They provoke arguments and emotional reactions, often saying things they don't even believe just to cause drama or manipulate your perception. They may also encourage mob mentality, urging other people to join in the attack. It's because they're envious of you, which is why they're often so competitive. They feel insecure just by being in your presence, so they have to manipulate you or try to bring you down to feel comfortable around you. This is really pathetic, but it's what they have to do because they have such low self-esteem. They feel like they're not good enough for you.

Deep down, even though they will never tell you this, they actually admire and respect a lot of what you're doing. This is why they keep coming around you; it's why they're drawn to you. You have something special, but it's making them feel insecure. So now they want to stamp it out, destroy it, or get you to focus your attention on something else so they don't have to feel so bad when they're around you. If it was a level playing field and you knew exactly who you were when interacting with them, they would feel very insecure. This is why the first thing they have to do is get you to doubt your own qualities and abilities so they can feel more comfortable around you.

Although they do hate you, there is actually a thin line between love and hatred. The emotions of love and hatred can be closely linked because you can't really hate someone unless you really love them. Both love and hatred are passionate emotions reserved for people who truly matter to you because these emotions require a lot of time, energy, and thought.

The narcissist may hate you a lot, and you will know if they hate you because it will include a desire to harm, devalue, or exclude you from something, which is very different from simply disliking someone. When we dislike someone, it may just be a personal preference or a difference of opinion, but hatred is so much more. What they hate most about you is how you make them feel about themselves. They don't really hate you; they hate themselves and their own feelings. They feel like they're not good enough for you.

As strange as this may sound, they actually desire nothing more than to be loved by you. They're seeking a sense of belonging, a feeling of security and support, where there is a sense of acceptance, inclusion, and identity. You may be thinking that you already tried to provide that to them on so many occasions, but it didn't seem that way to them. Many of you were highly sensitive and experienced abuse in childhood, causing you to become distrustful of people. You developed a sense of aversion or antipathy, where you are naturally and habitually inclined to avoid or turn away. You may not have said anything to them, but narcissists are always scanning the environment for threats. They're studying your facial expressions, body language, and tone of voice. They can pick up on avoidance immediately. They know when you're pulling away and assume it has something to do with them. It triggers them and makes them feel insignificant, as though they're not good enough.

That is when the devaluation phase begins. It is always initiated by the target. Narcissists don't initiate anything; they're constantly in reaction mode, responding to however you're perceiving them. They end up hating you because they assume that you don't approve of them. In some situations, they may be right. Maybe you do disapprove of some of the things they said or did, even though it may not have been that big of a deal to you at the time. But narcissists have a black-and-white mentality, so once they sense any signs of disapproval, they overreact and are ready to jump ship.

They will hate you because of how you make them feel about themselves. They will hate your success because they're not as successful. So then they will hate you because you make them feel inadequate, like they're no good. It becomes a competition where they have to prove to you that they're better than you thought. This is typically done by discarding you and triangulating you with their new supply. Once you made them feel inferior, they've really got it in for you after that. There isn't much you can do; you can't win them over because from that point on, they're always going to view you as the enemy or opponent, as this person who is deliberately trying to make them feel like they're nothing, even though you may never have intended to make them feel that way.

They feel a lot of shame, and it's because of your success. You look better than they do; you're always happy and full of energy and enthusiasm. You're very lively and cheerful, and you talk a lot. You're fun, charismatic, and outgoing, but they're nothing like that. Although they secretly wish that they were, they envy you, so it brings them a lot of shame. It makes them feel humiliated and distressed, as though they're bad or foolish. Now they can't stand you because they're shame-based people who are doing everything they can to avoid reflecting on their shame. But every time they see you, you are triggering them to reflect on their shame. It's not only the shame they feel from feeling inferior to you; it's also built up from other past failures and mistakes, which then resurface in that moment.

You're not even doing anything wrong; you're just being your authentic self. You're not intending to hurt them. Maybe you have a good job or you just started a business, and you're just trying to make a life for yourself. But that triggers them to reflect on their shame, so now they hate you for that. But they won't let you go because now they need to use you as a vessel to hold all of their negative energy. This is why you're wasting your time showing your vulnerable side to them. Your human emotions will just make them hate you even more because it's just reminding them that something is wrong with them. There is no amount of love or compassion that will fix them because they are not like us. They will only continue to deceive you while denying their wrongdoing.

At this point in the relationship, they will develop a lot of sexual frustration because if there is one thing that narcissists do not like, it's intimacy and affection. They hate closeness and togetherness; it makes them feel sick. This is why they prefer to watch pornography or have one-night stands because they can't be close with anyone who really knows them. They adore anyone who gives them praise and attention, but if you know who they really are, they will reject, resent, and destroy you because you are a threat to their fantasy world. So they have to replace you with other people who are fake and just like themselves, although even those people are only temporary. They will say no to sex with you, but then they will go off and have sex with anyone else because you're no longer giving them supply, and it's a threat to the preservation of their false self. Just the idea of being intimate with someone who knows them really disgusts them. They want a fantasy; they hate intimacy and affection.

You're just a genuinely decent person while they have to fake everything, and that makes them hate you even more because they have to depend on their manipulation to secure their targets. That's really all that they have because they can't be vulnerable. There's nothing inside of them, and they already feel like you have rejected them, so they hate you for how you make them feel about themselves. This is why they don't celebrate your success. They just try to avoid talking about it or act as though it's not important. Whatever they treat as though it's beneath their consideration is usually what is bothering them the most. That is why they don't want to talk about it because it's irritating them and making them feel inadequate. This is why nothing you do is ever enough. If you start doing less, then they will start criticizing you for that. There is no winning with a narcissist, especially once you've made them feel like you disapprove of them or you've rejected them. There is no going back after that. They will hate and resent you for life. Even though you may be doing better than them, they will hate you for that too.

I'm not really religious, but I was born a Christian, and I do believe that we can find positive teachings in every religious book. So I would just like to finish with this: In the Bible, Mark 6:4, Jesus said, "Prophets are honoured by everyone except the people of their hometown and their relatives and their own family."