What Happens When A Narcissist Knows You've Figured Them Out?

When you’ve reached an understanding of their actions, motives, and personality—when you truly know who they are—you can never unsee it. Once you’ve woken up, you see things differently, and you recognise that this is how things truly are. Their behaviours constantly validate your ideas, concepts, and experiences. Only if you observed different behaviours would your perception of them change.

Now that you’ve woken up, your perception of the narcissist is based on reality. You’re seeing them as they truly are, rather than how they wanted you to view them. Once you’ve seen them for who they really are, you can’t see them in any other way—unless their behaviours change in a positive manner. You now recognise when they are manipulating you, gaslighting you, or displaying dysfunctional behaviours.

There was a time before you woke up, when you accepted their behaviours or didn’t understand what was happening. But once you do wake up, you realise just how toxic they are. You understand that they are a narcissist, and this realisation may make you wish you could go back to how things were. You might feel foolish, taken advantage of, or even blame yourself. However, it’s not your fault—you didn’t know, and you weren’t aware of this information. Now that you do know, you have the ability to make informed decisions, recognising that they don’t have your best interests at heart.

Once they’ve done all these things to you, it wakes you up, and there’s no going back. You will never see them the same way again. This realisation gives you the ability to recognise and deal with their gaslighting. When you see them for who they truly are, they will sense it immediately. Their usual tactics will no longer work on you, so they will try a different approach. They don’t want you to figure them out; they don’t want you to see them for who they really are.

When a narcissist knows you’ve figured them out, they won’t come clean or confess their wrongdoings. Instead, they will manipulate you in different ways. They might change their personality, behaviours, or treatment of you to mislead and confuse you. If that doesn’t work, they may lose control and become dangerous. They might assume you know all the dishonourable, immoral things they’ve done. However, just because you know about their actions doesn’t mean they will stop. They will continue their behaviours because that’s how their disorder functions.

Narcissists won’t consistently change who they are or work on themselves. It doesn’t benefit them for you to know who they truly are. They will try to lead you down the wrong path or make you doubt your understanding by changing trivial things about themselves. This is designed to catch you off guard and hinder your ability to predict their next move.

Once they know you’re onto them, things can change dramatically in a short space of time. They may start treating you differently or even become dangerous. The last thing they want is for you to be grounded and in a stable state of mind, where you can see things as they truly are. They want you to be out of touch with reality, as the truth and reality are against them. They will do everything in their power to keep you off balance because a mentally and emotionally stable person is a serious threat to them. Such a person has the power to disarm and expose them, which is the last thing they want.

Narcissists want to hide from the truth and the things they’ve done. They will deceive and gaslight you to avoid being caught. When you start to catch on, they will deny it and create a false narrative about you, ensuring others believe it. They don’t want to engage with the truth because of what it reveals about them. While we may avoid the truth because of the pain it causes, accepting it allows us to move forward with our lives.

When dealing with a narcissist, there is always some sort of game being played. They manipulate situations unfairly and compete with you. When you start to identify their game, they often become angry. They want to continue hiding their actions, so they will try to make you surrender instead of holding them accountable. They may yell or scream at you, hoping you’ll back down and forget about it. They use anger to shift the blame onto you, absolving themselves of accountability.

Even if you have all the evidence in the world, they will always find a reason to be angry with you. In their minds, this excuses their actions and allows them to do whatever they want without consequences. Narcissists will always find a way to run from their own shame and embarrassment by attacking and projecting onto you. This stops you from holding them accountable and allows them to avoid feeling bad about themselves.

The narcissist’s false image is everything to them. If you threaten it or if they know you understand narcissism, they could become dangerous. You may think you’ve figured it all out and are ready to confront them, but things could escalate quickly. They may even become violent. Their false image is all they have, and if they feel it’s being threatened, they will act as though it’s a life-or-death situation. They will do things you never imagined them capable of, as narcissists have no limits. They will do anything to subdue you and protect their false image.

Sometimes, they may act as though they don’t care, minimising what they’ve done. This is something to be wary of, as it means they have no limits to what they might do. Things can worsen quickly, leaving you confused and gaslit. They want to make you look crazy, especially in front of others, while they act indifferent. As long as you stay and put up with it, they feel they’ve won.

Narcissists will deny their actions, act dismissive, and make you doubt what you know to be true. Even if you’ve seen enough evidence, they will pretend it never happened or wasn’t intended to be harmful. Their goal is to keep you stuck by minimising their actions. If you threaten to expose them, they can become vengeful and violent. Be especially cautious if you accuse them of being a narcissist, as they will often spin it around and accuse you instead.

Dealing with a narcissist is challenging and often dangerous. They will go to great lengths to protect their false image and avoid accountability. Recognising their tactics and understanding their behaviours is the first step towards protecting yourself. However, confronting them can escalate the situation, so it’s essential to proceed with caution. Seek support, focus on your own healing, and remember that their actions are not your fault.

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