This Is How Narcissists SPY ON YOU

Narcissists are known for their monitoring behaviours. They often need to keep a watchful eye on the people they once had control over — where you are, what you're doing, who you're with, and whether you've moved on. Even when the relationship is over, they may struggle to completely let go, particularly if they've smeared you or isolated you. But what happens when you've finally broken away? How can they still keep tabs on you from a distance? Let's break it down.

1. Low-level monitoring. Passive, but persistent. Even when they say it's over, they may continue watching your social media through fake profiles, checking your comments, likes and followers. They may Google your name or look for anything that gives them a glimpse into your life. In some cases, they may even set up alerts or monitor the digital footprint you leave behind.

2. Mutual contacts, the flying monkey network. Mutual friends, co-workers and even family members can become sources of information. Sometimes it's subtle: “Oh, hey, how are they doing?” Other times, people may be deliberately encouraged to gather information and report back. The disturbing part is that those people may not even realise they're being used. What looks like an innocent conversation can sometimes be an attempt to find out what's really happening in your life.

3. Baiting and fake reconnection attempts. This is one of the oldest tricks in the book. They may suddenly reach out, pretending they want closure, claiming they've changed, or suggesting that they want to reconcile. But behind the charm, the real goal may simply be information. They want to know whether you've moved on, whether you're happier without them, and whether you're seeing someone new. And if they discover that you are, they may become angry, intrusive or escalate their attempts to get a reaction.

4. Digital snooping and tech surveillance. This is where things can become much more serious. If someone previously had access to your devices, passwords, cloud accounts or shared email addresses, they may still have access without you realising it. Old tablets, shared accounts and connected devices can all create security risks. That's why changing passwords, enabling two-factor authentication and checking which devices have access to your accounts can be so important. The goal isn't to become paranoid — it's to make sure your digital life is actually private.

5. Location tracking. Some people may attempt to track where you are through shared accounts, location services or tracking devices. This could involve an AirTag or another tracker hidden in a car or bag, or access to accounts connected to taxis, food delivery services or reward programmes. Even financial information could potentially reveal clues about someone's movements if another person has unauthorised access. If you have concerns, check your belongings, review account access and remove any location-sharing permissions you no longer need.

6. Smart-home surveillance. If you lived together and shared smart-home technology, there may be devices that still have access to your space. Ring doorbells, security cameras, microphones and other connected gadgets can potentially be accessed remotely if accounts haven't been secured properly. In more disturbing cases, people have discovered devices they didn't know were capable of recording or monitoring them. These situations aren't something to dismiss, but it's also important not to assume you're being watched without evidence. Check your devices, passwords and account permissions if you have genuine concerns.

7. Vehicle surveillance and physical monitoring. Some people may move beyond digital methods and start appearing at places you regularly visit, driving past your home or following you from a distance. In some cases, they may use cameras or ask other people to watch for them. This can feel extremely invasive, particularly when you're simply trying to live your life. If you genuinely believe you're being followed or monitored, document what happens and prioritise your safety rather than confronting the person yourself.

8. Using a new relationship as a way back in. If they're with someone new, don't automatically assume that means they've completely moved on. Sometimes a new partner or another person can become a route back into your life — reaching out, provoking you online, or suddenly appearing in familiar places. They may try to find out how you're doing or whether you've moved on. What looks like a coincidence isn't always something you need to engage with. You don't owe anyone access to your life simply because they find a new way to approach you.

9. Private investigators. In the most extreme cases, they may hire a private investigator to legally gather information about you. This is rare, but it can happen when someone becomes obsessed with finding out where you are, what you're doing, or who you're spending time with. They may try to monitor your movements, habits or activities from a distance. The motivation can be about regaining information and a sense of control. But this is an extreme behaviour, not something that should be assumed simply because a relationship has ended.

10. Hidden cameras. This is one of the most disturbing possibilities. Some people have discovered hidden cameras or recording devices in their rooms, cars or other private spaces. If someone secretly records you where you have a reasonable expectation of privacy, that's a serious violation and may be criminal. If you genuinely suspect something like this, prioritise your safety and consider getting appropriate professional or legal help. The most disturbing part is that, while you were right in front of them, they may have acted cold, distant or superior. But once you've pulled away and started living freely, they may struggle with the fact that they no longer have the access or control they once had. Your peace is yours again. So stay aware, stay protected, and most of all, stay free.

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