The narcissist has to control every aspect of your life. This can make you feel as though you are playing the role of a child and the narcissist is the parent. The narcissist likes to be in control of the finances. They might take your money and then feed it back to you in small amounts, as though you are a child. They will also make the decisions on what the money is spent on. They will not give you any responsibility over financial decisions because that would give them less control over you and the relationship. The narcissist might control your work life. You may want to get a job and be independent, but the narcissist wants you to be financially dependent on them. If the narcissist does let you get a job, they will have an influence on where you work or what you do. The narcissist will control who you talk to or any potential friendships or relationships. They will not let you develop your own social circle, as this could affect how much control they have over you. Instead the narcissist will introduce you to their flying monkeys, which then gives the illusion that the narcissist does want you to spend time with other people. Though you may not know that the flying monkeys are working with the narcissist to control every aspect of your life.
If the narcissist is your parent, they will sabotage or prevent any potential relationships. If you try to meet someone, they will make you feel as though you are doing something wrong or you are betraying them. The narcissist may not directly tell you that they do not want you to have any relationships. But they do have many tactics to indirectly communicate this to you. They will devalue or criticise you to your relationship partner or they will devalue or criticise your relationship partner to you. As the narcissistic parent will likely have control over your finances, they will withhold money to make it difficult for you to spend time with them. If you take your relationship partner to the home, they will be met with passive aggression, subtle comments and backhanded compliments. If you meet your relationship partner outside of the home and the narcissistic parent finds out, you can expect serious consequences when you get home. You will receive passive aggression or even actual physical abuse. If you want to start a new hobby or interest, the narcissist will have control over this too. They will determine whether you are good enough to start this hobby or interest or not. Even if they don't know anything about it, they consider themselves to be more of an expert at anything than you are. So the narcissist will have control over every aspect of your life. Your money, career, friendships, relationships, hobbies and interests. Everywhere you go, everyone you talk to, anything you even think of doing... the narcissist will have some level of control over it. Naturally this will make you feel like a child, even though you may not physically look like a child. Your environment is reflecting back to you that you are a child, so naturally you are going to feel this way. You feel like you cannot go anywhere without the narcissist trying to get involved in some way. You feel like you cannot talk to anyone or do anything without the narcissist's permission. The narcissist tries to make you dependent on them, as though they are the source of all of your needs. Just like the parent is the source for all of the child's needs. The parent knows what is best for the child. So the child does not need anyone or anything else, other than what the parent says is right or good. This is the same thing that you are experiencing with the narcissist. But there are also differences. The parent has to be in control of the child, where they go, what they do, who they see and who they talk to. The reason for this is to prevent the child from getting in trouble, doing something wrong or being harmed. But when you are with a narcissist, it's the other way around.
The narcissist's need to obsessively control you isn't in your best interest. Remember narcissists are self-absorbed and lack empathy. They do not care about what is best for you. All they care about is controlling you and narcissistic supply. The narcissist does not want you to go anywhere, do anything or see and talk to anyone. The reason for this is because any fulfilment you might find is going to trigger the narcissist to reflect on themselves and how miserable they are. If the narcissist is your parent it will trigger them to reflect on the time when they were your age. They didn't go those places, they didn't do what you did. They didn't have a good career, much money, a social circle, relationships, hobbies or interests when they were your age. So any time that you do try to develop those things, it triggers the narcissist to reflect on that time. It triggers them to reflect on how they didn't achieve or obtain. They were not satisfied or fulfilled with their lives. So the narcissist has this obsessive need to control every aspect of your life to secure you as a source of narcissistic supply, and also to prevent any narcissistic injuries you might cause. Because any satisfaction or fulfilment you receive from living your life is going to trigger the narcissist to reflect on how dissatisfied and unfulfilled they are with their lives. This is why the narcissist has to control and manage everything you are doing. Which then makes you feel like you are playing the role of a child. The narcissist will do their best to control you. They will take control of your finances by telling you that it is an investment and they will give you back more in return. They will tell you that you do not need your own money, as they will give you all of the money you need whenever you ask them. If you try to start a new career, they will tell you that you do not need to work, as they can give you money. If you still persist to start this new career, they will tell you that you are not good enough. If you try to develop a social circle or any relationships, you will be devalued and criticised and told that you are no good or something is wrong with you. If you try to start a new hobby or interest, they will tell you that you are not good enough to do it. All of these tactics are designed to control you and to prevent you from ever starting or developing any of this. If you still continue to persist with this, the narcissist will realise that they are having difficulty controlling your perception of yourself. This is when they will try to control your perception of other places or people. They will devalue and criticise the place where you are choosing to work. They will devalue and criticise any potential friends or relationship partners you may have. They will tell you that they are no good or they are using you for something. They will devalue and criticise your new hobby or interest. This is all to prevent you from doing any of those things and instead keeping you in the box that they have created for you.
If you still stay true to your own perceptions, the narcissist will have no choice but to create a smear campaign and enforce flying monkeys. This is designed to get everyone to see you in a different way. It is designed to make everyone see you in the same way as the narcissist sees you. Now it isn't just the narcissist who is controlling you. Now it isn't just the narcissist who is making you feel like a child.
The narcissist has full control over your life and maybe even your environment, so naturally you are going to feel like you are a child. If you try to take back your power over yourself and your life, or if you try to leave, the narcissist will create a smear campaign and enforce flying monkeys. They cannot take the risk of you leaving them, moving on with your life and finding the happiness, satisfaction and fulfilment that they will never have. That would cause a huge narcissistic injury. The narcissist believes that they are doomed to experience nothing but misery and suffering in their lives. That's why they have given up on being righteous, they have given up on trying to make things work. If you know that you are predestined to experience nothing but misery and suffering, why would you bother trying? And this is how the narcissist sees it. They have given up on their lives and they have chosen to focus on your life, because they realise that you could move on and find the happiness, satisfaction and fulfilment that they will never have. They are fully aware that you have the potential to do this. That's why they have this obsessive control over the situation. Think about it... if they really believed that you were not a threat to them reflecting on how miserable they feel, they would have no need to control the situation. The problem is that they are fully aware that you could move on and achieve and obtain where they didn't. This is why they have to do everything they can to keep you in this box. It's like you are a child. You have no power of your own and you have no control over your own life. You do not make decisions of your own without interference from the narcissist. The narcissist has influences every aspect of your life and that is why you feel like a child.
Even when you leave the narcissist and try to move on with your life, you are going to find that other adults don't even resonate with you. You are going to find that you might have more in common with a child, than you do with an adult. This is because you have been constantly controlled the entire time that you were with the narcissist. You don't know what it's like to be free and you do not know what it's like to make decisions of your own. Just like a child. You are not going to be able to put yourself in the shoes of another adult. Because the entire time that you were with the narcissist, you have been programmed to operate and play the role of a child. If you play this role of being a child, the narcissist is comfortable, there is no threat to their control over you. But you decide that you want to be the adult and you want to be mature and make your own decisions... Then you are a serious threat to the narcissist's control over you.
The narcissist trains you to be a child. This is why you will find that many victims who leave a relationship with a narcissist, often end up with someone who is several decades younger than them. They have more in common with someone who is much younger than them. And this is through no fault of their own. The narcissist trained them to be a child and they may even have been coerced to operate in this way. The narcissist had to control every aspect of their lives and any time that the victim tried to be responsible or make their own decisions, it was met with narcissistic rage. The victim knew that if they tried to leave the relationship, there would be consequences. They knew it would be met with smear campaigns, flying monkeys. They knew the narcissist would establish further control over the situation, preventing the victim from ever being able to mature or grow. The narcissist makes you feel like a child, because as long as you are around the narcissist, that is the role that you are forced to play. And it is only when you leave, that you will ever really be able to mature and grow. When you finally leave and escape outside of the smear campaigns and the flying monkeys, then you can learn what it means to be independent. You can learn how to provide for yourself and develop your own social circle and relationships. You can make your own money and spend it however you like. You can engage in all of the hobbies and interests you could never do while you were with the narcissist. And it will be challenging to learn all of this, especially if you had a narcissistic parent who never taught you anything. But life will be so much easier than it was while you were with the narcissist. They made you believe that life was so difficult. They made you believe that life was full of misery and suffering. No... their lives were full of misery and suffering, so they wanted your life to be the same. Life is meant to be enjoyed, not endured. And when you leave the narcissist and finally get to live your life, you will realise that and wonder why you stayed with them for so long.