The Narcissist Is Watching EVERYTHING That You Do

You know the narcissist is watching you because you’ve seen them stalking you on social media, or perhaps you caught them driving past your house or workplace. It doesn’t align with the stories they’ve been telling you or what they’ve been flaunting on their social media. They portray themselves as though they’ve moved on, as though they’re with someone else and finally happy, doing better without you. You may have assumed that what they’re portraying is true because it looks like they’re happy and moving on with their life. But then you discover that they’re still watching you, even though you may not have been in contact for a very long time.

There is a reason for this. People who watch, stalk, and obsess are mentally unwell. They often have a personality disorder, which means they experience relational issues. According to *The Meadows*, the negative effects of relational issues include difficulty connecting with others, flashes of anger, a short temper, a pattern of surface-level relationships, maladaptive coping behaviours, instability in mood, behaviour, and functioning, negative self-talk, judgemental language, frequent manipulation of others, impulsive actions, and unstable relationships. Narcissists are known to exhibit these traits.

They watch everything you do because they don’t detach from you. This is why you may have noticed that they keep coming back. They might continue reaching out and communicating with you, even after everything they’ve done. However, you won’t get closure from a narcissist. Closure requires self-reflection, feelings, and communication—things narcissists are neither good at nor interested in. Closure may even be used as a form of punishment. They will never tell you why they treated you the way they did or why the relationship ended. Instead, there will be a confusing and dramatic ending, followed by silence. They might disappear like a thief in the night, and sometimes you may not even realise they’ve gone. But after some time, they will return, leaving you doubting yourself.

The reason this happens is that they don’t take accountability. They don’t hold themselves responsible for anything they do, which is why they never give you an explanation for their behaviour. This allows them to come back and re-idealise you because they view you as their possession—something that belongs to them. They believe they can do whatever they want. This sense of entitlement stems from their objectification of you. They think they own you, which is why they don’t connect to you or fully attach to you. However, it’s also why they don’t detach from you. They will still watch you because they want to keep an eye on you and don’t want to lose you.

They especially fear that someone else may take you away from them—someone more powerful or more desirable. This is one of their greatest fears and often the reason they keep such a close eye on you. They don’t want you to find someone else or move on. Being in a relationship with a narcissist will always present problems and difficulties because their behaviour is very strange. They can’t attach to you properly, which means they can never be real or authentic. All they can do is mirror you, lie to you, and gaslight you. This will never make sense because they’re not even connected to themselves, so they’ll never be able to connect to you. They have no identity of their own, which is why they take yours.

When they’re watching you, they’re constantly comparing themselves to you. They observe how well you’re doing in your life and compare it to their own lives to see if they’re doing better. They always have to know how you’re doing, but it’s not because they care about you or want to rekindle the relationship. They’re watching you because they want to steal your energy. This is why you may always feel like you’re walking on eggshells. They need you to feel a certain way so they can continue extracting energy from you.

Even if they’re no longer communicating with you, they’re still watching you repeatedly, to the point where you may feel like you’re under surveillance. You may not want to go anywhere or do anything, but you shouldn’t let it get to you. Instead, understand that their behaviour is very childish and immature. They’re constantly watching you and trying to make you feel a certain way. They want you to feel intimidated because they’re trying to interrupt your peace and disrupt your healthy functioning. They aim to distract, interfere, bother, trouble, and inconvenience you. They want to distress, concern, worry, and upset you because they want you to act out of character and react emotionally. The more you react, the more it drains you because they’re siphoning your energy.

This is why they still want to be involved in your life—they want to take your energy. Knowing they still affect you is very important to them, which is why they invest so much time in watching you. They’re not looking for anything positive; they’re primarily concerned with negative things about you. They nit-pick and find faults because they’re envious and jealous. This is why you need to protect yourself, set strong boundaries, and establish or maintain a support network. The abuse could escalate, and they may become threatening and intimidating because they’re not being punished or disapproved of for their possessive and controlling behaviour.

Regardless of how they see it, you are a separate person with your own feelings, wants, and needs. This is a reality they don’t want to accept, which is why they keep trying to affect you. They want to prove to themselves that there’s no difference or separation between you and them so they can feel whole and complete. Their inability to find peace and harmony within themselves is not your fault. You must develop and strengthen healthy coping strategies to build resilience. Narcissists derive pleasure from inflicting harm on you and doing things you don’t want them to do because it makes them feel powerful. However, they have no power when you’re autonomous and authentic.

By being your authentic self, you unknowingly harm and expose their false self. This is why they keep coming back and observing you. To them, it becomes a competition, even though you’re not competing with them. Narcissists believe everything revolves around them and that everything you do is intended to affect them. They think you’re trying to do better than them, so they feel compelled to do better than you. They want to show everyone they’re amazing, but that’s not who they are. They have an inferiority complex and a sense of one-upmanship, which compels them to gain a feeling of superiority over you.

This endless competition is why you need to set strong boundaries. Be aware that they may try to break your boundaries down because they see you as an extension of themselves. For you, elevation requires separation. By being an extension of them, you’re weighed down by their sense of superiority and grandiosity. You need to say no, even though it may cause a narcissistic injury. They may reverse the situation and project their negative traits onto you because they don’t want to be seen as a stalker or someone obsessed.

Even when they’re stalking you, they may switch it around and act like you’re the one obsessed with them. They could be lurking outside your house or hiding in the bushes, and if you caught them spying, they might accuse you of spying on them. They may even make a big scene and call the police, even though you’re in your own home. This is how disconnected and delusional they are. They’re so outwardly focused that they can’t see they’re the problem. They only look at your reactions to their abuse for signs of agreement or conformity to their projections of their own negative traits. This allows them to relieve themselves of the shame they’re desperately trying to avoid.

This fixation is why they’re watching your every move. They want your energy and don’t want to feel like bad people. Even though they’ve done all these things to you, they’ll switch it up and see it as a source of power and superiority whenever they need to. They have no stable sense of self and don’t even know who they are. This is why there will never be a positive outcome with a narcissist. All they want to do is take and destroy. They don’t care about you; they just want what you have—your innocent, wonderful, childlike energy. They want to corrupt and contaminate it so everything becomes distorted and confusing.

This is why they targeted you in the first place. They see your value and energy and want it for themselves. They try to isolate you to keep you trapped. Even if you leave and move forward, doing better in your life, they’ll still try to take that from you. They objectify you and see you as an extension of themselves, giving them a sense of entitlement towards you. They seek to extract your value because they want to be you and take something from you.

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