The Narcissist Is HAUNTED By What They Did To You

The narcissist gave you a false character. They mirrored your virtue and ideals, reflecting it back to you. They lied and manipulated you, selling you a dream. You believed that you were connecting with them, but in reality, you were getting to know a false character, detached from their true self. This detachment is why they didn't feel bad when they were devaluing you. They saw themselves as separate and disconnected from you while also seeing you as an extension of themselves, projecting all their negative characteristics and traits onto you.

Narcissists are shame-based people who do everything they can to avoid reflecting on their shame. When you started to catch on to their behaviour and confronted them, it became difficult for them to deflect their shame onto you. Unless they could continue to deny, project, blame shift, or gaslight you, their only other options were to ghost or discard you or start a smear campaign against you. This way, the external world continues to reflect their internal reality, used as a coping and defence mechanism against the true reality.

Narcissists operate on a black-and-white mentality, never abandoning this from childhood. People are either all good or all bad, right or wrong. This automatic process, developed in their heads, is something we all experience in childhood but are meant to grow out of. Narcissists hold onto it to deflect their shame, allowing their disorder to function and enabling them to abuse their targets. They must have a false self, objectify others, and deflect their shame to continue their behaviour.

As long as these components are present, narcissists can continue their actions. However, this also means they can never acknowledge others as separate people. Everything they perceive is filtered through the lens of their shame. For their disorder to function, there can be no introspection or self-reflection. They can't look at themselves or reflect on their actions towards you. They can't perceive you as a separate person because acknowledging this would force them to reflect on their shame, which would destroy them.

Instead, they suppress their shame, trying to prevent its development by resisting it. By doing this, they validate it, making it a part of them. It takes more energy to resist than to accept, meaning that even if they don't acknowledge their shame, it will linger in their subconscious, affecting their life experience until they finally choose to address it. However, this is not something they do. They hold onto it, and it shows in their actions and behaviours because their shame perpetuates the cycle of abuse.

If they had no shame, it would not be possible for them to mistreat you. Narcissists are abusive and manipulative because they carry a lot of shame. They are constantly haunted by their past mistakes, fearing not being enough, criticism, rejection, and abandonment far more than the average person. This is why they constantly try to suppress or deflect their shame. Shame is so damaging to a person's psyche that it can even cause narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) to develop later in life.

Narcissists may find it easier to wear a grandiose, arrogant mask than to face their internal issues. By looking down on others, they avoid accepting that anything is wrong with themselves. This is why they always need new supply or are surrounded by enablers and flying monkeys. Having others around helps them suppress their shame as long as these people validate and accept their false character as real. This is why they can't be alone. If left alone to reflect on the damage they've done, they would probably go insane, commit suicide, or end up in a mental institution.

Narcissists need constant chaos and dysfunction to support their narrative that nothing is wrong with them. Seeing others go through turmoil tells them they are not responsible for anything that went wrong. They deflect their shame by projecting their negative emotions onto you, making you doubt reality and even your own identity, and convincing others that you're crazy. This acts as a coping and defence mechanism for how they really feel about themselves. Deep down, they hate themselves, which is why they will always hate you. You are a reflection of what they are not—kind and innocent—while they are wicked, immoral, and corrupt.

To maintain their illusion, they twist things by messing with your mind, detaching you from yourself. One of the biggest threats to their illusion is you seeing yourself as you actually are, which would completely destroy their false narrative and distorted view of themselves. As long as they can make you emotional, they can control you. They need to control you because they can't control themselves, filled with shame from their actions towards you or others before you. They are also haunted by your happiness and success, fearing you moving on and no longer caring about them. They thrive on attention and believe the world revolves around them. The last thing they want is for you to build a life without them because they need to be the centre of your universe.

A narcissist's shame encourages their desire to control you. They have low self-esteem and are very insecure, haunted by their actions. This perpetuates the cycle of abuse. If they were to admit their shame, they would let go of control and face their fears head-on, but this is something narcissists are unable to do. They struggle to maintain friendships and experience true intimacy because of their low self-esteem. They fear and despise their shame so much that they project it onto you, blaming and criticizing you to distance themselves from their own shame and feel better about themselves. They view you as flawed and put on a show of superiority, but in reality, they feel very insecure and have low self-esteem.

Narcissists protect themselves against their shame by using techniques like blame-shifting, rage, or the silent treatment. However, this only causes their shame to grow because they are not addressing the root cause of their issues, which led them to mistreat you in the first place. Instead, they deflect it onto you, meaning it never gets resolved. This is why they are always miserable, never happy, and never satisfied with anything they have. They lack the capacity to give significant, authentic love and empathy because they are buried in their shame and haunted by their actions.

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