The Narcissist Doesn't Want You To Understand This One Thing

The narcissist deliberately pulls away because, by leaving you feeling rejected, it makes them feel desired and wanted. However, this move heavily depends on your response to it. It relies on you feeling as though you are missing something, as though you cannot live without them. This is how they manage to feel in control, even when they are the ones pulling away. They only pull away to leave you wanting them. If you couldn’t care less about their absence, it affects them deeply, leaving them feeling unwanted.

Narcissists tire easily. It doesn’t take much for them to give up on something, which is why they are often referred to as energy vampires. They leave you feeling mentally and emotionally depleted. They are attached to your energy, which they drain to uplift themselves, creating a false sense of elevation. They can sense when your energy dissipates.

You invest a lot of energy into your situation with a narcissist. They demand your time and patience, putting you through delays, problems, and suffering. Exercising tolerance and self-restraint takes a toll on your energy, as you constantly control your emotions and actions while interacting with them. The more time you spend around them, the more familiar they become, creating the illusion of a close relationship. This familiarity becomes a potent source of energy for the narcissist. They feed off it until it feels normal and routine, but in reality, you are expending a great deal of energy, which serves as their narcissistic supply. This supply is extremely powerful and has a significant influence over them.

You may not realise it, but even slight changes in your behaviour and responses make them uncomfortable. Despite arguments or disagreements, they won’t immediately separate from you. Even when you control many of their behaviours, they still find enjoyment in the connection. They thrive on your anger, upset, or disappointment because it means you are still giving them your energy and fuel, maintaining the connection.

The problem for them begins when you become indifferent. When you are no longer as stimulated as you once were, you stop engaging in prolonged arguments, defending yourself, or proving your point. Your indifference means they can no longer extract the same type of fuel from you. They may attempt to restore the dynamic by behaving in certain ways for a time. If that fails, they may resort to insulting remarks or exploiting your vulnerabilities to gauge whether they still have control over you.

Narcissists want to see if they can provoke the same reactions from you as before. They aim to break you, to extinguish your spark and beauty, to disrupt the natural order, and to cause irreversible damage. Their goal is to destroy your sense of self and individuality, convincing you of your worthlessness. They aim to inflict so much psychological stress that you lose the ability to make rational decisions, leaving you feeling undeserving of joy or happiness. They want to break you down to a state of depression, potentially leading to suicidal thoughts.

Narcissists push you to the edge, causing you to behave in ways that seem irrational. They oppose healing and growth, rejecting accountability and blaming you for everything. They perceive your indifference as punishment, and if you lose your determination and courage, they may retaliate. At this point, the only viable option is to leave. Compromising or accepting lower standards will never satisfy a narcissist. Their all-or-nothing thinking leads them to believe you were playing a game, deceiving them, and they will punish you for it.

Narcissists lack the ability to understand others’ situations, problems, or feelings. They cannot see beyond their own ego and negative emotions. They lack the strength to overcome their internal obstacles, preventing them from considering your circumstances. Instead, they interpret your actions as deceit or punishment, even if you were completely serious and fed up.

This is where the cycle of nit-picking, fault-finding, and mind games intensifies. Eventually, you reach your limit and decide to leave, realising the situation will never improve. Even then, they don’t take your departure seriously. They assume you cannot detach from them, believing you will return after some time. To cope, they entertain other sources of supply, assuming you will forget their actions and come back.

However, if you don’t return and instead focus on something that brings you happiness, they can sense it. They know when you are happy without them. They can detect when your energy shifts, when you are no longer longing for them, or when someone else has captured your interest. This is when they reappear, seemingly coincidentally, but it’s not. They aim to disrupt whatever is distracting you from them, rather than offering anything meaningful.

Narcissists can sense when you are moving on. Your mood changes, your interactions with them shift, and your energy is no longer tied to them. They notice when you detach, and it unsettles them. They thrive on your energy and efforts, but when that energy diminishes, they feel it instantly. They know when you are healing and moving on. It’s only when you are hurt and still giving them your energy that they feel in control, as that is the frequency they operate on.

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