Updated: Mar 18
The narcissist experiences great disappointment in their lives. Everything is difficult for you. Achieving even a fraction of what you have achieved, in any aspect of your life, it is very challenging for them. It takes a lot of their time and effort, while it comes very easily for you. At this point, the narcissist recognizes that they are inferior to you. This could be due to your progression in any aspect of your life.
You may have come from a wealthy family or inherited a lot of money. You may wear expensive, designer clothes. You may have a nice car or a nice house. You or someone you know may have connections and so good careers may come to you very easily. You may have connections with people of high status, money or power. Relationships with the opposite sex, comes very easily to you. Basically in most aspects of your life, everything comes to you with minimal time and effort. You may be naturally good looking and have a naturally attractive physique. You may be naturally confident or charismatic. So everything comes to you with minimal time and effort.
While the narcissist gives all of their time and effort, yet struggles to achieve even a fraction of what you have achieved. This triggers some very intense emotions within the narcissist. They become hateful, angry, envious and jealous towards you. Because everything you have obtained with minimal time and effort, is a reflection of how little they have obtained.
The narcissist looks at you and your life, everything you have obtained and feels a great sense of loss. They feel as though you have taken that which they were more deserving of, because they put in far more time and effort than you ever did. But they didn't see the struggles you went through to obtain all of that, they just see the finished product.
So now the narcissist feels resentful towards you and they may hold a grudge for years. Now they are going to do whatever they can to take away everything that ever made you who you are. Everything that ever triggered them to reflect on themselves. This is when they decide to create an alternate reality.
In this alternate reality, they will rewrite the past. They will make you believe that you haven't achieved anything. They will also prevent you from achieving or obtaining anything. They will make you believe that what you have isn't that great. They will make you believe that you are not as attractive as you may think you are. They will completely reconstruct your character and personality to be whatever they want it to be, which is never going to be anything good, of course. For this to take place, for them to be able to reconstruct your original character and personality... they are going to have to take away whatever it is that makes you who you think you are. They are also going to have to prevent you from ever achieving or obtaining this again. They will abuse and manipulate you to the point where you don't know who you are anymore, then they are able to reengineer your mental composition. Then they are able to reconstruct your beliefs, values and principles about yourself, other people and the world you live in. This is an essential process, if they are going to bring you into this alternate reality or world.
They have to force you, against your will. No emotionally healthy, sane person would ever want to enter their alternate reality voluntarily. They force you to enter this crazy world by using denial, projection, gaslighting and blame-shifting. In this alternate reality, they have their own rules and regulations which are separate from the real world. They have their own interpretations of literally everything. Anything that interests you or is significant to you, has to be manipulated back into their realm, back into their distorted mental office, so that it can be reinterpreted. Once their distorted interpretation is completed, they will then throw it back at you along with manipulative tactics such as denial, projection, gaslighting and blame-shifting. This is to ensure that you will accept their distorted interpretation as the new truth in their alternate reality.
In their alternate reality, you basically become the opposite of everything you thought you were. So if you came from a wealthy family. Suddenly your family doesn't have as much money as you thought they did. Suddenly everything that they achieved, isn't as great as you thought it was. You may have worn expensive designer clothes and thought you dressed good. Suddenly everyone else is wearing the same clothes, so what you are wearing is no longer special. Or they will find a way to criticise your clothing as not being as great as you think it is. Same thing if you have a nice house or a car, they will always find a way to criticise or devalue anything great you have. Any good connections you had will disappear, they will no longer be able to help you or remove you from the situation.
They will also be discredited along with anything good they ever did for you. Any relationship partners you had in the past will be devalued. They weren't as attractive as you thought they were, or they were only with you for something, or they will just pretend as though you never met anyone. Because they have to define you as this unattractive person who no one could ever be interested in. They have to do this, because the truth is, they actually think of you as the exact opposite. They know just how great you are, they know that you are attractive. They know that you could achieve or obtain anything you want, if they didn't intervene. This is why they have to do everything they can, to make you believe that the opposite is true. That's why they have to create this alternate reality or world, where you are not who you think you are or who you think you were.
You are redefined as the person they want you to be.
Anything that went a long with your true character or personality has to be taken away from you and then kept away, in order for them to maintain this false reality. Of course, if they were allowed you to achieve or obtain anything which resonates with your original character or personality, it would completely destroy the false narrative that they have created. It would completely destroy the false reality, false character and personality which they have constructed for you. In this alternate reality, they also have to create false rules and regulations. They have to make you believe that you cannot do certain things. Their false rules and regulations usually adapt to whatever it is you originally achieved or obtained, which hurt them and caused them to feel the very emotions, which compelled them to create this false reality.
Due to the intense hatred, anger, envy and jealousy they felt towards you and because of everything you achieved and obtained with minimal time and effort... They felt compelled to create this false character and personality for you, which would live in the alternate reality or world they have created.
Usually they create your false character first and then they adapt the world around you to match this false character, so that the way that they want you to be seen can be adapted to by everyone around you. They create this psychological trap, from which you cannot escape. You cannot find anyone or anything that resonates with your original character. Everyone responds to the false character which they have created for you and they expect you to see yourself the same way. Your true character cannot exist in this false reality. If that were to happen, the false reality would fall apart. That's why they are going to do whatever they can to prevent you, from ever achieving or obtaining anything which does resonate with
the person you originally were, the person you used to be. Your original character where everything came easily to you with minimal time and effort.
Of course this does pose a problem for the narcissist. For them to sustain this false reality, they have to do everything they can to maintain it. They have to feed the same narrative of your character and personality to everyone around you. They have to ensure that everyone is aware of the false reality that they have created for you. They have to prevent you from ever achieving or obtaining anything that resonates with your true, original character. To sustain this false reality, everyone you come into contact with must develop understand the false beliefs about you. They must develop a false attitude towards you. They cannot ever be real or genuine with you and this can also lock them into the very world that they have created for you. They end up losing control over their own creation, as the false reality can become very unpredictable. They have to know what you are doing, where you are going and who you are seeing, all day everyday. This is so that they can prevent you, from ever achieving or obtaining anything that ever resonated with your original character and
personality. From operating in this world for long periods of time, it becomes normalised to them, it becomes comfortable. It's used as a coping mechanism and a defence mechanism to your true character. It helps them to cope with the intense hatred, anger, envy and jealousy they originally felt from witnessing your true character.
The problem is... It is a false reality, it is a false world. It's not how real life is supposed to be. The false reality can only exist for as long as they are around to sustain it and really it is inevitable that at some point it is going to fall apart. A false reality can never be sustainable for long periods of time. Over time, it becomes more difficult for them to sustain this false reality and that's when you will start to see them become more and more desperate, more and more obsessed with controlling you. Because with the amount of people coming in and out of this false reality, it becomes very difficult for them to
sustain it. They literally have to control everything who ever comes into your proximity, at all times. That's a very difficult thing to do, especially for long periods of time.
So what would happen if the narcissists ever realised that what they are doing is wrong... What would happen if they decided to shut down this false reality they have created for you?
I believe that they would probably go insane, they would probably all become unsociable.
If they dared to shut down this false reality, that would allow you to achieve and reobtain everything they ever took from you, everything they worked so hard to prevent you from achieving and obtaining again. The fact that they were willing to spend all of their time, effort and resources into creating this false reality for you, should remind you just how much it hurt them when you achieved and obtained everything that you did, before they created this false reality. If they were cool with you having this stuff, they wouldn't have worked so hard to sabotage and destroy it in the first place and they certainly wouldn't be doing everything they can to sustain the prevention of you ever redeveloping what you once had.
For them to leave this false reality they have created for you and then start being sociable with you again, respecting you and giving you your standard human rights... After they have maintained this false reality with the motive of preventing you from achieving and obtaining anything.
They wouldn't be able to cope with that.
It would pose a serious threat to them, to shut down the false reality they have specifically created for you. For them to take away the false attitudes and beliefs they have towards you, for them to take their obsessive focus away from you. They would have to start all over again. They would have to re-learn everything they have ever known. They would have to re-evaluate their beliefs, values and principles. They would have to learn how to socialise with you and respect you as a human being. It would be an extremely uncomfortable experience for them. This whole time, they have been in denial and told themselves that the false reality is the real world. They have convinced themselves and everyone around them that the false reality is the real world and that the false character and personality they have created for you is who you really are. If they ever had to accept that everything they know about you is wrong, it would drive them insane. They wouldn't be able to cope with the fact that you are not the false character and personality which they have assigned to you.
Narcissists don't seem to understand how immoral it is to create these false realities. It is also against the law, but even if you don't bring the law into it, it is immoral. As a human being, you have the right to live freely, to achieve and obtain whatever you like. The narcissist felt intense envy towards everything you were and everything you had. So they had to force you into this world, this false reality. They don't understand that regardless of the intense emotions they feel towards you, it's still your right to be who you are and have
what you have. The negative emotions they feel towards you do not justify their actions. But this whole time they have been justifying their actions towards you. They have been justifying the abuse and manipulation, everything they have ever done to you. Which is why there is no common ground or understanding. Because the false reality they have created is based on fear and protecting themselves It's based on their need to control you and prevent you from ever achieving or obtaining anything that made them feel a different way.
Once you've figured all of this out, you will want to leave their false reality. You will want to go back to being the person you were. You will want to continue where you left off with your true character and personality. Everything they ever took away from you, everything they ever tried to prevent. But the narcissist doesn't want you to leave. The whole point of creating the false reality and character is to prevent you from ever leaving. It's to make you believe that you never were the person you thought you were. You never had whatever you had, you were not worthy of it then and you are not worthy of it now. They just want you to stay in the lane that they have created for you and believe that it is all you deserve and all you are worthy of. They expect you to believe everything they are telling you about yourself. They do not want you to leave the false reality, the false character and then define yourself and your reality. The whole point of the false character which they have created for you, is that they want to be able to define you. But when you entertain their false attitudes and beliefs... It's pulling you away from you who truly are even more. It's allowing them to pull your strings and create the character they want for you. They don't want to see you for who you are, or who you were. They want you to see you from their false and distorted perceptions. This creates a problem for them. When they are constantly trying to get you to adjust your perception to their distorted perceptions. When they do all of this, they are basically pulling themselves away from the very thing, the very person which they depend on so much to make them feel as though they exist. The very person who they depend on for constant attention and validation is the very person who they constantly abuse and manipulate. The very person you would think, they want nothing to do with and yet they heavily depend on all day everyday.
It's like a teenager and their parent.
Deep down the teenager may love their parent, but it looks like hate and resentment. The teenager may appear to resent the parent on the surface, because they hate the fact that they are so heavily dependent on them. It's the same thing with the narcissist. They became resentful towards you, because they hate the fact that they are so heavily dependent on you. Deep down they know that they need you, they just don't want to admit it. If this was not true, why wouldn't they let you leave? Why wouldn't they create the perfect opportunity for you to leave? That's how you know that they are not as truthful as they make themselves out to be. They created this alternate reality to trap you, to enslave you and to keep you separate from the real world. When the false reality finally falls apart or you leave the situation... They will probably have a mental breakdown. They will have to accept that everything they have been doing all day everyday, was never real. All they did was create a false reality designed to trap and enslave you. They redefined you as a person and prevented you from achieving or obtaining anything you once had. But nothing is real or truthful in their false reality. So when you leave and begin to achieve and obtain everything you once had all over again, for real. It becomes a reminder to them of everything you once were, everything you really are and everything they have worked so hard to prevent. At that point it just completely destroys the false character which they had created for you. It destroys their false narrative which they gave to everyone around you. It destroys all of the false attitudes and beliefs which they had applied to you.
And at that point they are basically forced to move on with their lives.
Because once you have left their false reality, they lose their capabilities to control you. They lose their capabilities to control what you have and what you do. So they are forced to back off and watch you live your life, the way that you were supposed to. Before they stepped in and intervened. Before they tried to reconstruct your reality, character and personality.
And I would love to be a fly on the wall when that happens.