Narcissists don't build, They Destroy. There is something all narcissists commonly experience, and that is their hatred towards their victims. They attach themselves to you under the disguise of wanting to build something with you. They make you believe as though they have something of value or significance to offer you. Or as though they want to construct something meaningful with you. But their true purpose behind these behaviors isn't to build anything with you.
Narcissists do not build, they destroy. They recognize that you have built something of value or significance. That's what attracted them to you. But their purpose behind making you believe they have something of value or significance to offer you, isn't to build anything with you. Their true purpose behind these behaviors is to destroy you and everything that you have created. The narcissist might recognize that you possess something of value or significance, but they do not appreciate it.
They do not understand the trials and tribulations that it took for you to establish something of value or significance. They do not consider the test of your patience or endurance, the difficult experiences and problems that you had to go through, to establish something of value or significance. Likewise, they do not understand or consider any of this. All they see is the finished product.
Which means they can never appreciate what you have established or developed. By default, they can only take you and everything you have created for granted. They cannot recognize the true value or significance of what you possess or have to offer. They cannot appreciate you or express their gratitude. Yet they still stay with you and even if you try to leave, they will return to the love-bombing, just to make you believe that they do want to build something meaningful with you.
The truth is, they don't really want you. How could they want you when they can't even appreciate something of value. For them to do that, they would had to have experienced the trials and tribulations of establishing or developing something. They would have to earn something of value first, before they could truly appreciate it. They might have giving you the illusion in the beginning, as though they were earning everything they were getting from you. But none of that was real, it was a simulation of love, a simulation of value.
None of that came from a person who was genuinely interested in you as a person, beneath a superficial level. So, as always, they extracted something of value from you, without ever putting the work in. Which means they could never truly appreciate you. Most often they're only sticking around, not because they want you, but because they don't want to see anyone else with you. They don't want to see anyone else with you, because deep down they know that you are something great, they see you as something
And they know that everyone else sees you in this way. But they never appreciated you, they took you for granted. If they saw someone else with you, it would cause them a great deal of pain or emotional distress. Because while they know that they couldn't appreciate you, someone else will. Someone else will get the fulfillment that they could never get from you. They don't want to see that happen, because then it reflects on how maybe there's something wrong with them.
The game is to make you believe that there's something wrong with you, when in reality they could never appreciate you, they only took you for granted. Everything the narcissist does in the relationship proves that they do not want you, they just don't want to see anyone else with you. When they first met you, they played a role as though they wanted to build something meaningful with you. But they are actually misleading you. They are intentionally leading you away from the correct path or direction.
They know that they are trying to destroy you. But they try to disguise it as though they are trying to build something meaningful with you. They will make you believe that they are something beneficial or favorable to you, but they're actually leading you or intentionally guiding you down the wrong path. They already know that they're not good for you. You don't realize this because they play the role of being someone who is going to be beneficial or favorable to you.
They use future faking. They promise you something they don't have, so that they can get what they want from you in the present moment. So that they can have the benefit of having something valuable or significant, before they have the ability to give you what they are promising. They will use fake empathy or compassion, to make you believe as though they care, or they have your best interest in mind. It's designed to make you believe that they do appreciate you, and you are something valuable or significant to them.
It temporarily validates you and stops you from questioning them or thinking about leaving, but they can never fully validate you. If they were to validate you, you would then realize that you're more beneficial or favorable to them, than they ever were to you. You would then realize that you're constantly inspiring them or doing everything you can to make them happy, while they're always tearing you down and making you feel as though you're not good enough.
By never validating you and always invalidating you, it makes you feel as though something is wrong with you, and you need to work on something, before you are worthy or deserving of what they have to give to you. You will never please the narcissist. They can never be satisfied, nothing is ever enough for them. And they don't have anything to give to you anyway. The best you will ever get from a narcissist is an illusion, that's all they have to offer you. A fantasy or dream that will never materialize.
When a person wants to build something with you, they will bring the tools or materials that are required to construct whatever you are trying to build. They will not pull it apart or try to tear it down. One of the main reasons these narcissists are even around you is to sabotage your efforts and destroy everything that you have built. They know that if they do not intervene, you would have the capacity to develop or establish something of value. They often know your potential better than you do.
You have to stop expecting the narcissist to validate your significance or importance. They're not going to validate you, because then you would realize how much of a better person you are than them. If they don't validate you, it keeps you wondering or questioning your worth. They invalidate you to make you believe that you have something to prove to them, or you have something to work on, before you can be worthy or deserving of what they have to offer you.
They can never be satisfied, and they have nothing to give to you. Forget about their validation, it is irrelevant, and it is not going to help you. I have done a video named Don't Seek Validation From A Narcissist, which explains the reasons why you are wasting your time seeking validation from them. Focus on validating yourself. I have also done a video on Self Validation, check it out, I believe it will help you to accept your thoughts and feelings and manage them more effectively.