7 Things Narcissists Do That Will Not Make Sense To You

Narcissists often leave us feeling confused because they do not think like us. They are not reasonable individuals who consider others in their decisions. Instead, they are self-centred and inwardly focused. They cannot understand your perspective, which makes them perplexing when you try to make sense of their behaviour. You are thinking like a rational, sane person, and that is why you feel confused.

Narcissists never truly know what they want. They are highly reactive and constantly on the defensive. They do not interact with the world to learn more about others or even themselves. Instead, they are perpetually in survival mode, always at risk of a narcissistic injury. This hyperfocus on potential harm leads them to walk over the people in their lives. They are unable to find happiness or fulfilment within themselves, so they constantly seek external sources of validation, or "supply," to make them feel better. However, they lack the skills to generate their own positive emotions.

Narcissists are rarely alone. They always have people they can manipulate and control to boost their egos. They use others to feel better about themselves but cannot form genuine connections, which is why they often burn bridges. They cannot sustain relationships and are always searching for something new because they lack the ability to self-reflect and recognise that they are the cause of their own pain. Their inability to take accountability may leave you feeling unworthy or inadequate, as they typically shift the blame onto you. Nothing you do seems to solve anything for them, which adds to the confusion.

To help clear the fog and bring clarity, here are seven things narcissists do that may not make sense to you:

1. Sometimes the Narcissist Is Nice

Narcissists cause pain and suffering. They betray, invalidate, and gaslight you. Yet, suddenly, they can become wonderful—kind, generous, fun, and playful. They transform into everything you ever wanted them to be, leaving you questioning your sanity. If they are narcissists, how can they behave this way?

The truth is, they know how to put on an act. If their needs are being met and they feel admired and validated, they can be pleasant and agreeable. However, this is only temporary. They are most dangerous when they are trying to get their needs met. You deserve better than fleeting moments of kindness; you deserve to be loved and appreciated every day.

2. The Kinder You Are, the Worse They Become

You may try to apply normal behaviour to a narcissist, but narcissists are not normal. They are extremely insecure and haunted by feelings of worthlessness. Even when you try to make them feel valuable, they still feel inadequate. This is why you will never have an authentic interaction with a narcissist—they can only manipulate you to react to them.

Narcissists lack object constancy, a developmental trait that allows people to integrate the good and bad aspects of others into a realistic whole. Instead, they see people as either 100% good or 100% bad, depending on how they feel about themselves in the moment. This black-and-white thinking makes their behaviour unpredictable and chaotic.

3. They Move On Very Quickly

Narcissists can move on from relationships remarkably quickly, even after causing significant pain. Imagine if you had inflicted such harm on someone—would you be able to move on without guilt or shame? Narcissists, however, lack empathy and do not feel accountable for their actions. They discard their victims to escape the shame they feel deep down.

They were never emotionally invested in you; it was all an act to meet their needs. The new "supply" means nothing to them, just as you meant nothing. Narcissists see people as objects to be used and discarded, which is why they will never experience true love.

4. When You Catch Them Out

When you catch a narcissist in a lie or betrayal, they will make the most unbelievable excuses. Even with clear evidence, they will turn the tables and accuse you of invading their privacy. Narcissists often lead double lives, maintaining separate social circles, relationships, and activities. They are not credible or trustworthy because they live in a fantasy world, presenting false images to hide the truth.

5. What They Do When You Need Them Most

When you need a narcissist the most, they will abandon you. Whether you are unwell or facing a crisis, they will ignore your needs and focus on themselves. They may even pull away completely or discredit you if you seek support from others. Narcissists are parasites, extracting energy and attention from you without giving anything in return. They cannot provide genuine care or support because they have abandoned their true selves and live through a fictitious false self.

6. They Don’t Feel the Way You Do

Narcissists do not share the same range of emotions as others. They primarily feel anger or indifference. Their lack of empathy and self-awareness triggers their rage, which stems from a fragile sense of self. They may also feel shame, but they are not conscious of it. Instead, they deflect their shame onto you, leaving you confused and questioning your own reality.

7. How Quickly and Easily They Can Discard You

One of the most shocking behaviours of narcissists is how quickly they can discard you. They can sever all ties as if you never existed, leaving you feeling lost and disoriented. This sudden detachment is a form of gaslighting, making you question your own reality. Narcissists cannot form emotional bonds because they are too afraid of abandonment. Their love was never real, but your love was. Now, you can take that love and give it to someone who truly deserves it.

Narcissists are incapable of experiencing real love or forming genuine connections. They prioritise power and control over relationships, leaving their victims feeling confused and broken. However, their inability to love says nothing about your worth. You have the capacity to love and be loved, and you deserve a relationship built on mutual respect and care.

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