The narcissist first targeted you because they realised that you had the capabilities or potential to fulfil their needs. This may have been narcissistic supply, attention, admiration, money, power, material items or sex. From the moment they first met you, they used you to extract whatever was beneficial or favourable for them.
As the relationship progressed, the narcissist required more and more resources from you, while giving you less and less in return. They will have drained you off your energy and turned you into a lifeless shell of what you once were. The relationship with the narcissist will have affected you in many different ways.
*You may be experiencing mental, emotional or even physical health problems.
*You may be experiencing anxiety, depression or chronic stress.
*The narcissist may have targeted your self worth and self esteem.
*The narcissist may have isolated you.
*You may no longer work or go out with friends.
*You may no longer do the things that you used to love to do.
*You may have financial problems.
All of this began to take place when the narcissist realised that they could not get the same fulfilment from the relationship as you as such they became envious and wanted to take things away. They no longer gave you attention or admiration because it reminded them of how they could not get the same fulfilment. It also made them feel as though you were taking something away from them. Because they couldn't get the same fulfilment from positive interactions or affection, they had to undermine everything that you are doing and everything that you're about, to make themselves feel as though they are above you.
They had to treat you as though you're worthless or beneath their consideration. This was also a negative source of supply for the narcissist. It made them feel powerful and in control. It boosted their self esteem and regulated their emotions. The narcissist was fine with this, but since they cannot be satisfied, this is something they had to do often.
Self esteem is meant to come from within and we are supposed to regulate our own emotions.
So when the narcissist tries to use someone or something outside of them to do this, it only sustains them for a short period of time. You can think of it like a drug, where you constantly need more of the substance to sustain the high. Naturally the abuse has to escalate for them to get the same high that they experienced when they first started abusing you. The narcissist abuses you whether mentally, emotionally or physical as a way of boosting their self esteem or regulating their emotions.
It is also an opportunity for them to express their self hatred, by projecting it on to you. But because they keep needing more and more of the drug to get the same effect as they did in the beginning, they often end up experiencing a lot of frustration and resentment towards you. Even though you are serving them with what they need and you are giving them the opportunity to abuse you, it's still not enough.
This is when they will start seeking a secondary source of supply.
The secondary source of supply will be idealised and placed on a pedestal. Narcissists have a dualistic mentality, where a person is either good or bad. This new source of supply is considered to be good, perfect and they will be compared to you, the bad source of supply, that couldn't get anything right or couldn't do enough for them. Of course it is only a matter of time until the narcissist realises that the new source of supply isn't perfect either. The new source of supply might make a fault or mistake, or they might reveal a flaw or imperfection.
Then the narcissist begins to see this new source of supply as being bad and that's when they reidealise you. This is when the hoover attempts might begin. They often go back and forth between two sources of supply. Idealising and devaluing, never looking at themselves.
Never acknowledging that they cannot be satisfied because they have a huge void within them. It's not always about you making a fault or mistake, or revealing a flaw or imperfection. Even when the narcissist witnesses those things, it has nothing to do with you as a person.
You are an extension to them, so whatever they see in you is only reflecting back on them and triggering them to reflect on their own faults, mistakes or insecurities. But it's not always about that.
Narcissists are very insecure, they have an inferiority complex. They recognise that you are an attractive person with many good qualities, talents and traits. That's what attracted them to you in the beginning. But it's how all of this interacts with them, that's what causes them to hate. When they realise that your qualities, talents and traits can never be theirs and you are in the lovebombing phase with them, they will idealise you. They will ignore any faults or mistakes that you make, they will not notice any flaws or imperfections. In that moment, they have to see you as being perfect. It is in their best interest to do so. But once your qualities, talents and traits begin to interact with them, it becomes very threatening to them.
It makes them feel inferior. It makes them feel worthless and insignificant. That's when they begin to attack you. It has nothing to do with you as a person. They're more focused on what is actually triggering them to feel inferior. They're focused on what they do not possess. And then they are trying to destroy it or take it away. Narcissists are desperately trying to find satisfaction everyday. They use people and things to boost their self esteem or regulate their emotions. They want to attack or take away anything that reminds them of their dissatisfaction, threatens them or makes them feel like less of a person. They can be very strategic and calculative in their approach to doing this. They orchestrate the situation or environment where anything that reminds them of what they lack or do not possess, has to be devalued or seen as less than what it is. If something or someone is indeniable great, the narcissist might even get mad and try to remove that person from the situation. If that doesn't work, they will even remove themselves from the situation. Anything to manage the risk is a reminder that they cannot be satisfied with anything or anyone in life. You will notice this when you try to engage or interact with people outside of the narcissist. The narcissist becomes very envious and jealous. That engagement or interaction becomes to reminder to them on how they cannot get the same fulfilment. This is why they might stop you from going to work or stop you from meeting you friends. This is why they have to isolate you. They are managing the risk of anyone or anything that might remind them that they cannot get the same fulfilment. That they can never be satisfied. Even when the narcissist does have engagements or interactions with people, it's all about rubbing it in your face. It's all about displaying it to you and trying to make you jealous. They have to do that because they cannot be satisfied. When the narcissist displays something to you or tries to make you jealous, it is inflating the value or the importance of whatever they are doing or whatever they have. That's the only way that they can be even remotely satisfied. And even then they are not satisfied with whatever they are engaged in, or whoever they are interacting with. They are just feeding off the emotions they have projected on to you and using them to boost their self esteem and regulate their emotions. That soon goes away and they go back to how they usually feel. No amount of attention and admiration will ever satisfy the narcissist neither time, love or resources as they will never be enough because they have a huge void within them. The narcissist is like a cup with a leak at the bottom. Anything you pour into them leaks out. This is why they constantly go around chasing supply from other people. Using money or material items to obtain attention and admiration. This is all an attempt for them to fill their cup. But it can never be filled. Deep down they know it, which is why they have to try to empty the cups of anyone who does appear to be satisfied or fulfilled. They are managing the risk of the reminder and the reflection to them that they are not satisfied and they can never be satisfied.
Comments