The narcissist left you with a broken heart. They left you to deal with the pain on your own. And you may fear that you lost something good. You may fear that there could have been something more. If you didn't let them slip away. You may feel like there's a void that only they can fill. You may crave their validation. So you may want them to come back. But you may also feel like you should move on. You're not sure what you should do next. But whether you want to get them back or if you want to move on, the path is exactly the same. It's the same process. But right now, it's difficult for you to do that. Because you're stuck in the trauma bond. You're addicted to the narcissist. It's like a drug. And moving on is like going through withdrawal. It's painful.
So you may be willing to do anything to get them back. Because you desire that connection. You want to feed your addiction. But when you do that, they're never going to feel the pain of losing you. Instead, it's going to decrease the significance and risk. While you're left still addicted to them. And you're still trying to feed your addiction. But the more that you reach out to them, the more it decreases the significance and risk of them losing you. Which is why months or even years may go by, but you never move on. You never get over them. And they may never get over you. But they're still using you for validation. You may be feeding your addiction. But it's not what you really want. You don't feel comfortable or secure. So what you need to do. If you want to get them back. Or if you want to move on. You need to have a complete separation from them. You need to cut them off. You need to go no contact. Because when you do that, it will have them running back to you. Or it will help you to move on, if that's what you want to do. When the narcissist discards you, you may feel emotional. You may say or do things that you will later regret. And you may also end up pushing them away. When you may just want them to come back. Which is why no contact is so important during this time. Because you may be angry, hurt or afraid. And being in contact with them during this time may cause these feelings to become progressively worse. When you go no contact with the narcissist, it creates an element of mystery. It leaves them to think about where you are and what you're doing. It creates consequences for the decision that they have made. Because if they have chosen to leave you. And you're still responding to their texts and answering their phone calls everyday. There is no consequence for them leaving you. Because they still have your attention.
So they're not going to feel like they've lost anything. And they're not going to regret the decision that they made. Because you're still there. Which is why you need to go no contact. So that they will realise what they've done. So that they will feel that sense of loss. Because now you're no longer there. And it's the result of their decision. You're hanging on to them because of fear. Because you think it's the best way to keep them around. But by doing that, they're not feeling like they've lost anything. Because you're still communicating with them. So they're not going to know what their life will be like without having you there. The narcissist discarded you. But you want to hear from them. You want them to come back. So if they message you, you tend you overvalue it. Because it feels like hope. It feels like there's a chance that they could come back. But if they left you, they shouldn't even be contacting you. Unless it's to tell you that they made a mistake and they want you back. But they will still contact you. Because they want validation. And they may still be uncertain about their decision. So they want to check in with you. To see if you're hurting. To see if you can't move on. Because then that will confirm to them that they made the right decision by leaving you. They're reaching out to you because they're selfish and they're using you. They're only being kind because they want something from you. Which is why they're breadcrumbing you. It's why they're giving you morsels of their attention. Instead of what you really deserve. Which is why you need to go no contact.
To show them that they made the decision. Because it was how they wanted it to be. If you continue to respond to them, you're just going to be making them feel safe and secure. And they're not going to feel any fear of losing you. You may want to show them that they're missing out by not being with you. But the more you respond to them, the less likely it is that will happen. Because you're making them feel safe and comfortable. They know you're still there. They know you're in pain. And as long as you're in pain, they know you're not going anywhere. So there's no incentive for them to behave differently. Because you're just making them feel better about the decision they've made. But when you go no contact. When you focus on yourself and your own life again. They will sense that your energy is slipping away. They will realise that you not responding to them in the way that you used to. They will sense that something has changed. And then they will fear losing you. They will reach out to you. And they will try to come back.