Updated: Sep 3
From the moment they first met you, sometimes even before they meet you, the narcissist studies you like a test subject. They engage in actions or processes of closely observing or watching you. They will then devote their time and attention into gaining knowledge about you. From the moment they first met you, they conducted a detailed investigation and an analysis of your thought process, emotional state, actions, behaviors, likes, interests, dislikes. What makes you happy, what makes you sad, what excites you, what turns you on. They had to know everything about you. Your past, present and potential future. They had to know this so they could dominate and control you. When they targeted you, they observed your environment or asked you questions about your family or friends. They needed to know if you had any support.
Anyone who would be there for you if something went wrong. Anyone to validate or assure you of what you were about to experience. They might have tested you in the beginning by telling you a story of something that happened to them, in their family or in a past relationship. This was designed to detect if you were empathic or compassionate. It made it more likely that would forgive them or overlook the red flags. From the moment they first met you, they studied everything you say, everything you do. Your actions and words revealed to them a lot about what was going on in your mind. It helped them to identify your thought process and your emotions. They study everything that is significant to you. Your likes, interests, dislikes.
Anything that has a potential influence over you, that could be a threat to their control. By adopting your likes and interests, it makes them seem less threatening. It makes you more open to sharing personal information with them. They are also able to mold your likes and interests into whatever they want them to be and then feed them back to you in the way that they want you to interpret them. They might twist and distort the meanings or interpretations of a certain song or movie to emotionally manipulate you. This is designed for them to gain power or control over you. They use these sneaky, deceptive tactics to alter your thoughts, feelings, actions and behaviors. They study the places you go to, the people you talk to. They have to ensure that there is limited or no interference from any third parties. They have to ensure that they are your main influence. They have to ensure that they have the capacity to have an effect on your character, development and behavior. As the relationship progresses, they realize that there are external sources affecting their influence over you. This is when they begin to manipulate you into believing that you're not good at your job, hobby or interest. In some cases they might plot or scheme to get you fired from your job, so that you spend more time around them. They might tell you that you're no good at your hobby or interest and you spend too much time doing it and need to make more time for them. If you have close friends or family members, they are a threat to the narcissist's control over you. It is likely that the narcissist will manipulate them or turn them against you. In some cases the narcissist will turn you against your friends or family members. They will talk about you to them, behind your back. Or they might talk about them to you and make you believe that they have said or done something that might hurt you. The narcissist is jealous of the time you spend with your friends or relationship partners and wants to destroy this.
They might spread rumors or make you believe that they don't like you or they don't care about you. This is all designed to isolate you and separate you from the real world, so that all of your time and attention is focused on the narcissist. It allows them to have more influence and control over your mind. More influence and control over your thoughts, feelings, actions and behaviors.
If you like someone or something, they will want to turn it against you. They will want to make you hate it. They will twist and distort the meaning or interpretation of it. Because they hate anything you give your time and attention to, if it doesn't include them. They want all of your time and attention to be on them. It makes it easier for them to control you when there are limited or no external influences. The narcissist will want to know about your dreams and goals or your plans for the future. Once they know what you're working towards, they will find a way to sabotage it. They will find a way to distract you or find a way to affect your financial resources. So that you can no longer pursue your dreams and goals, and then have more time and attention to give to them. As the relationship continues, they develop a full-blown obsession with you. They have to know what you are thinking. They have to know how you feel. They have to know where you are going, what you are doing. Who you are going to be seeing or talking to. It gets to a point where they just want to lock you in a cage and throw away the key. Because the anticipation of always wondering what you're thinking or what you're going to be doing next is killing them inside. They hate that you have your own separate thoughts. They hate that you have your own separate feelings. They hate that you have ability to choose or decide what you want to do, or where you want to go. And when you disagree with or attempt to prevent their acts of control, it makes them want to control you even more.
It becomes an endless fight, like a tug of war. Where they're trying to pull you one way, while you're trying to go in your own direction. They just want total control over your body, mind and soul. The narcissist studies you like a test subject because in their minds you are a part of them. They see you as an extension of them. Whatever you think, say or do... has a direct effect on them, because you're connected. They do not see you as a separate human being. And this is why they have this obsessive need to control you. This is why they have this obsessive need to control your every thought, feeling, action and behavior. This is why they have to isolate you. They don't want anyone or anything else to be influencing you, other than them. They want to isolate you from anyone or anything that doesn't go along with their narrative, their meanings and interpretations.
They want to dictate your thoughts, feelings and beliefs to you. They want to tell you what to think and what to feel. They want to tell you what to believe. They want to teach you how to interpret your interests in the twisted, distorted way that they interpret them. They might go along with it in the beginning. They will pretend as though you're both on the same page. They will act as though they are interested in your dreams and goals, hobbies and interests. But this is only so they can conduct their detailed investigation and an analysis of it and then rewrite the meaning or interpretation to be whatever they want to be. And then they can use it to emotionally manipulate and control you.