After meeting the narcissist everything you like and everything you don't like soon becomes a significant part of the narcissist's life. When you first met them, they were eager to know everything about you. They were eager to know about anything that interests you. They used the things that interested you to appeal to your own ideals. They mimicked or mirrored you. They show you what you wanted to see, told you what you wanted to hear. Knowing all too well that it was never what they were about. They were also eager to know about anything that you dislike, or anything that hurts you. They need this information so that they can use it when they devalue you in the future. They will use the information as ammunition to destroy you or create a smear campaign and tell everyone about you. The narcissist always changes themselves to fit your own ideals. I noticed with ex narcissists their whole image changed just to suit what I personally found physically attractive. If you like a celebrity, an actor or actress, a singer... they will try to copy the way that they do their hair, clothes, make-up or whatever else will appeal to your own ideals.
After the relationship they will then use this same image, which you have created, to attract someone else. I found this quite strange, it's as though they are using my creation just to attract another me. Because when you think about, that's exactly what they are doing. They are looking for someone who is attracted to the same thing as me. So they are basically looking for another me. And really that is their only option, to look for another you, once you have seen through them and figured out how abusive and manipulative they truly are.
It's pretty funny though, to think that they're out there somewhere using what I designed to attract someone else. They are nothing like they used to be and probably never will be. It's because they are easily influenced, trying to be everything that I could ever want to see in a woman. They are willing to change everything about themselves just for attention and validation. Narcissists were abused and neglected in their childhood. They never received the attention and validation they needed from their mother or father.
Neither did I... But I learned how to give that attention and validation to myself. While they had to use other people to get it. The narcissist lives through you. Your own ideals, your own interests. Take away your ideals and interests and they have nothing. They have no image, no personality... just an empty shell. That's why they need us so bad to help them create this image and illusion of their fake ideal selves.
Think about it... without us their illusion could never exist. Because an illusion needs a witness. It isn't self-validated. So if we are not giving them the attention and validation they so desperately crave, there is no illusion. They are no longer obtaining narcissistic supply and they return to their empty shell state. It's only when we are acknowledging them that they have the ability to live through us. To mirror whatever it is that we want to see. Without our own interests and ideals, they are nothing and they know it. Without us, their image ceases to exist.
If the narcissist sees you looking at a celebrity of the opposite sex. They will do whatever they can to look like them, or at least they will think that they do look like them. They will change their hair, make-up, clothes... everything. They will spend all of their money just to try to look like the celebrity that you admire. Even after all of this effort, it's still not going to impress you. You cannot look like someone else just by changing your hair, make-up or clothing. You have to have a similar face shape, face structure, facial features and body figure. But the narcissists do not understand this. They think you can just chuck on a bit of make-up, change your hair and suddenly you're Kim Kardashian. Well, Kim K after a freak accident maybe. But they really believe that they have this ability to pick and choose, and be whoever it is that you find attractive. They have this sense of entitlement. If they want to assign themselves to the role of being the Kim Kardshian or Brad Pitt in your life, believe me, they will. And if you don't see them that way, they get angry and start devaluing you and tearing you down. That's how it goes with these narcs though. They don't want to create their own look or their own style. They don't want to look like themselves, they don't want to be themselves. They want to be anything but that. They are trying to escape from who they are. The sad thing is that they don't realize that the person who attracted you in the beginning was clearly who you were attracted to. You were not attracted to the false image they later portrayed to you and that's part of the reason why you can no longer connect to them. So sad, because they put in all that work and spent all that money to change their look to please you. When all you really wanted was the person you saw in the beginning. But to them, that person can never be good enough for anyone. That person is not attractive to them. That person does not get enough attention or validation. I'm sure there were times in their lives where people specifically told them that and they believed them. They didn't realize that emotional abuse and insults only come from people who are projecting their own insecurities. Instead they accepted the insults as being real constructive comments. So while you may have been looking at the person they originally were and thinking they were very good looking.
Inside the narcissist felt very unattractive, because that's what they have been told by other abusive people... who are really just projecting their own insecurities and emotional baggage on to the narcissist. And that's where they end up on this never-ending path trying to attract people that will only be interested in their false self. If you are displaying your false self, changing your look, your beliefs, values and morals just to please another person. How can that person ever really be attracted to you? They are only attracted to your false self, your false image and basically everything that you are not. The narcissist does not care though. They will gladly change everything about themselves if it means that they can get attention and be validated. Even if the person is only validating and approving of their false self and doesn't have a clue who the real person is behind the mask. The narcissist will take this as a compliment to themselves, even though it really has nothing to do with them. The narcissist's false image is actually very damaging to them. As their false image only attracts people who support this false self. They can never attract anyone who truly appreciates the core of their being, because who they really are is never available for anyone to see. The real person is hidden and over time becomes lost and no longer exists. The narcissist abandons their true character in the search for attention and validation, over true love and admiration. I have seen narcissists and flying monkeys copying me in various ways. They will also mimic whatever you are interested in. It doesn't matter what it is, even if it's something they secretly hate... and most of the time it will be. The narcissist has no true identity, they have abandoned their true selves. So whatever you are interested in, they will play the part and do whatever they can to make you believe that they are the same as you, even when they are not even close to being what you are interested in. They are also very competitive. They will go out of their way to out do you in whatever you're doing. They will always mimic you in some way and it soon becomes an obsession, an addiction. Of course they cannot accept or acknowledge that they are mimicking you or whatever it is that you like. They will twist it and project it on to you, they will make you believe that you are now you are mimicking them. Narcissists will teach you to gradually lose touch with your self-expression. They will make you believe that whatever you are doing is wrong, so that you lose the desire and motivation to progress in your life. Narcissists do not want to see you progress in any shape or form. They have multiple personalities. You might see them with a new partner and suddenly they are a completely different person both in style and personality. They have no true identity, they discarded that. Whatever style or personality they have, it's still a narcissist underneath. The narcissist loves to watch everything you do and everything that you are interested in. They develop an addiction to your style, personality and positive traits. They see it as being very desirable. They will always watch you so that they can pick whatever they like from you and then use this quality as their own. Just remember, you were the one that had lots of things going on before you met her and then by the end of it you stopped doing the things that you love and lost touch with your self-expression. This is exactly what will happen when you are around the narcissist.
They will drain you of your love, time and energy. Sabotage, prevent or destroy everything that you are doing. Everything in your life will take a hit... your interests, career, relationships, friendships. Nothing will ever last when you have a narcissist in your life. None of this is your fault, none of this is your responsibility. But make it your responsibility to get back to the person you were before and even better. You are aware of these types of people now, this is a good thing. You should feel happy and relieved now that the narcissist is gone.
Just look at the last few weeks or months, what you have had to deal with? Endless abuse, manipulation and stress. Is that what you want your life to look like? That's all you're going to get from them and you should know that by now. But you've been blinded by the person you saw in the beginning, you remember the good times. You think that person is going to come back and everything is going to be ok again. That person never even existed. It was a fake personality, mirroring you to fit your own ideals. They might give you a bit of fake love, gifts or money now and again. This is only to make you forget about the constant abuse, manipulation and mind games. It's never going to stop, because they cannot live without narcissistic supply. Ask yourself... do I want to continue my life with this person who constantly manipulates and abuses me and requires endless attention and validation? Or do I want to live a life without all of this stress, anxiety, mind games and drama? You are not the cause of the problem, they just want you to think that you are. Detach yourself emotionally from narcissists and toxic people, observe their behavior, but do not absorb. If you allow yourself to be brought into their wrestling ring, there is a chance that you might get hurt. So observe what they are showing you or what they are saying to you. But do not absorb it, don't let it become a part of you when it's a part of them. Narcissists are all about manipulation, gas-lighting and mind control. They will do whatever they can to alter your reality and create an illusion. Just remember how they were when you first met them, it was a completely different person, a fake. The person you see now is who they really are. We only stay with them because we're hoping the false identity will come back. But we have to accept that the person we originally saw isn't coming back. They might use it occasionally to lure you back in again, but it isn't real. In the beginning they mimicked you and mirrored what you wanted to see. They faked their whole personality just to attract you. They changed their entire character just to attract you. They were never about any of that, it was an illusion, a fantasy. They are great unemployed actors, it's like they're running of a script, it's all choreographed. You will look back and realize that they are impulsive liars and probably cheated on you. When you first met them they told you that they were all about loyalty, honesty and trust. What happened to that? The truth is, they were never about that, it was all a lie. They are nothing but fake ass narcissists. Empty meat suits. They have nothing to offer you but an illusion. Future faking. Narcissists are delusional, they believe that they are somehow significant in your life and they are something you need. I think they are in denial and they just tell themselves that because they cannot stand the feeling of not being wanted by us. Narcissists are so delusional. In their warped minds they think that you like them or you want something to do with them. It's like they don't realize that we see them for what they are. Let's remind ourselves of what they are. Sadistic emotional predators, abusers, manipulators, fake, in-genuine people. Every narcissist comes with their own inferiority complex, insecurities and reptilian brain. Now who would want someone like that in their life? We wanted them before we realized that they are pathological liars, cheaters and abusers. But now that we have this knowledge and awareness of what they truly are, who the hell would want that in their lives? So the fact that they still believe that we would be interested in someone like that, just shows how distorted their thinking really is. All they do is create fake ass illusions to the point where they are believing it themselves. They really believe that they have something great to offer us, when the truth is they have nothing. All we ever got from them was abuse, manipulation, lies and disloyalty. I don't want no fake ass narc in my life. I'm going to continue my healing journey, on my own. After that there's no way I'm going to settle for a narc. No self-respecting emotionally healthy person would desire these people. I want someone who honors honesty, loyalty and trust. I want someone who respects my boundaries. Someone who respects me and values me as a person. A narcissist is not capable of that and we all know it. A narcissist is not capable of being genuinely happy, they are not capable of experiencing an emotional connection or genuine love.
They cannot acknowledge you as a separate being, they cannot feel any empathy or consideration for you. Seriously, what good is that? They only come back for their own benefit, for what they can get from us. They have nothing to give. Just remember how you felt when you were in a "relationship" with them. Did you ever really feel happy or valued? Did you ever feel respected or understood by them? They have literally nothing to offer you, they have no good qualities and a long list of negative traits. Well I don't want their emotional baggage in my life. Narcissists come into your life trying to dump their trash on to you, it's time we dump it back where it belongs.