I am going to be discussing the differences between a narcissist and an emotionally healthy partner. Although the title says Emotionally Healthy Partner, this also applies to family members and friends. I hope that this video resonates with you. And I hope that I can beautifully and accurately describe the emotionally healthy partner which we would all desire to be a part of our lives. We all appear to be empaths here and this is no coincidence. They intentionally targeted good-hearted people who will lower their boundaries and take abuse just to make the narcissist happy. You have to be a good-hearted person to be targeted by a narcissist. They liked the good qualities we had but this soon turned to hate, anger and envy... once they realised that these qualities could not be theirs. They became obsessive, controlling and passive-aggressive people. They just want to feel like us empaths but they are not capable of experiencing this because cannot self-reflect or look within. They are too desperate for attention and admiration. They cannot live without having someone to abuse or manipulate.
So how could they ever feel empathy or consideration, when they have this obsessively sadistic desire in the back of their minds? We are not meant for narcissist consumption. We are meant for people who share the same good qualities which we possess. Empathy, consideration, genuine happiness, an ability to feel an emotional connection, self-love, self-esteem, respect, boundaries. We value ourselves and we don't just act like it on the outside, like they do, on the inside we really believe it. Narcissists are fake and we are real genuine people, so naturally there will be some conflict there. Fake cannot metabolise real. But they continue to come back and consume us, even though it's making them sick. We are not on the same frequency as the narcissists. They wonder how we can do it. How can we walk around with a smile on our face, looking fly, feeling good. We can because it resonates with us, we are on the same frequency. They will try to partake and mimic our swag, but when they realise that we are not believing their illusion, they quickly become the hateful, angry and envious people they really are. Their "love" only turns to hate when they realise that the qualities they admire in us cannot be theirs. At first they might try to control us, but then they want to destroy all of these wonderful qualities we own. We are like birds, born to fly... but the narcissist cannot fly because they never learned. Instead of learning how to fly, they would rather rip off our wings so we cannot fly either. The narcissist will emotionally abuse you. They will set up specific scenarios to provoke negative feelings such as hate, anger, envy or jealousy within you. Because this is how they always feel, they want you to feel the same way. Narcissists are sadistic and enjoy seeing you hurt and upset. The narcissists want you to feel intense negative emotions. They want to take your happiness and fulfilment away from you due to their pathological envy. They want you to think that someone or something is taking them away from you, this might cause you to experience jealousy. Which is due to their pathological envy, as they are intentionally removing themselves from the situation because they believe that you want them. The emotionally healthy partner has the ability to feel empathy, consideration for others, genuine happiness, love and an emotional connection to us. An emotionally healthy partner will never intentionally emotionally abuse you. They will not set up any scenarios to mess with your head or play with your feelings. They will be more focused on making you feel good, happy with the relationship. Because this is exactly how the emotionally healthy partner will feel. They feel happy and fulfilled with their lives, so they want you to feel the exact same way. They will not take from you, without giving back the same or more than they have taken. The relationship will be based on positive emotions, rather than the negativity you experience with the narcissist. The narcissist appears to hate everything you do or say, or at least this is what they want you to believe. They will show you little to no attention in public and that's only if they want to be seen with you in public. They will look at you like you are something to be ashamed of.
This is projection... They might call you shameful or embarrassing because this is exactly how they feel about themselves. They feel inferior to you, which triggers them to put on a front as though you are inferior to them. They will study all of your flaws and weaknesses, they will remember them and then use them against you in the future. The emotionally healthy partner will listen to you. They will take an interest in your life. Without judging or criticising everything you do or say. They will desire to give you the attention and validation you deserve. They will not only want to be seen in public with you, they will feel proud just to be there with you. This doesn't mean that they view you as superior to them, but they see you as their equal. They will not study all of your flaws and weaknesses. But if they do happen to notice any, it will probably be one of the many things they love about you. You might find that what the narcissist made you believe was a flaw or a weakness, can actually be loved and appreciated by someone who is emotionally healthy. The emotionally healthy partner looks up to you and admires you as a person. They recognise your value, they recognise your worth. They respect you. The narcissist will never respect you, unless they can get something out of it. The narcissist will try to discover any past traumas or tragic events you have experienced in your life. They will then try to recreate these events or trigger your PTSD symptoms. The emotionally healthy partner will avoid saying or doing anything that might trigger any PTSD symptoms from previous narc partners or other traumatic experiences. They might be willing to know about the traumatic experiences or narc partners from your past. Though not straight away, they will understand that it takes time to talk about this. But they will never use this information against you, they will use it to help you heal and recover from those difficult times. The emotionally healthy partner will never intend to hurt you. You will feel loved, cared for and appreciated by them. The narcissist makes you feel worthless, the emotionally healthy partner makes you feel loved and valued. The narcissist will isolate you. They become very envious of any little contact you have with anyone that really cares or respects you. They will gradually drain you of resources to the point where they expect you to have nothing. So now any little thing will hurt them and make them feel envious. There is no greater pain for the narcissist than seeing their victim grow and being accepted by others, living the life they truly desire. The narcissist always plays the "nice guy" in public, making people believe that they really do care about you. But behind the scenes, they are always plotting to destroy you. The emotionally healthy partner will isolate you. Yes, they will isolate you... at the right time and place, if you know what I mean. But other than that, they will want you to spend time with other healthy people, family and friends. They will want you to make new friendships and even meet their friends. The emotionally healthy partner will not drain you of your resources. They will not expect you to have the bare minimum.
They understand and recognise your value. Just like a high-end car needs the proper fuel. They know that a person of high value requires the proper nourishment. There is no greater pleasure for the emotionally healthy partner than to watch you grow and being accepted by others, living the life you truly desire. The narcissist will abuse you to the point where you cannot do anything on your own. They want you to become unable to do anything and heavily dependent on them for everything. They want you to believe that you will never be good enough for anyone or anything after they are gone. Of course they won't be there to pick up the pieces, the aftermath of their own destructive nature, that's not what they do. Narcissists are "destroyers", all they will do is destroy you mentally and emotionally. The emotionally healthy partner will not abuse you. They will understand that you need to be independent and do some things on your own. It is unlikely that your relationship with the emotionally healthy partner will end. But if it does, they will still wish the best for you. They will want you to be good enough for someone else after they are gone and you will part on good terms. The narcissist will manipulate you. They will gaslight you, create illusions and distort your reality. Everything will be a joke or a game to them. They cannot take anything seriously. The emotionally healthy partner plays no games. They don't beat around the bush. If something needs attending to, they will attend to it. They will not gaslight you or distort your reality. The only time they will create illusions is when they are planning to make that illusion a reality. The emotionally healthy partner likes to laugh and have a joke but also understands when it is time to be serious. Narcissists are never about anything good, but they will do whatever it takes to pretend that they are. All they want to do is create an illusion that they are about something. They are not on your level, wavelength, frequency... whatever you want to call it. They will do whatever it takes to make you believe that they are with you. But they are not with you at all. They will create the illusions by manipulating you and using gaslighting. They have to do this, or you would not believe it. Over time you will recognise these people so quickly, you will know who is real and who is not. The emotionally healthy partner is on your frequency for real. They don't need to pretend. They don't need to create illusions, manipulate or gaslight you. It takes a real person to recognise another real person. And the two will be attracted to each other. Emotionally healthy people are attracted to emotionally healthy people. Once you have fully healed yourself from being self love deficit, you will repel these fake ass narcs and only attract real, genuine, emotionally healthy people. People that do not have the inferiority complex which narcissists have. People who are not insecure, hateful, angry or envious.
They are not desperate for constant attention, validation and approval. They do not need to be in a position of power and control at all times to survive. Basically the exact opposite of the narcissist. I think deep down the narcissists really wish they were emotionally healthy people. But they don't want to put in the work. They don't want to self-reflect or look within. They don't want to heal their traumas.
They prefer to project their insecurities, hate, anger and envy on to you. They will only give the illusion that they have something to offer you, in reality they actually have nothing to give you, nothing to offer. Narcissists will pretend to fit your ideals but really they're nothing like what you want and aren't even close to what you are looking for. What the narcissist can do is abuse and manipulate you endlessly, making you feel uncomfortable and unloved at all times. They create a negative atmosphere with their toxic energy. They are in denial and have an inability to look within and accept responsibility for anything they do. This is due to their emotional immaturity and an inferiority complex. There's only 3 things that the narcissist can give to you. Money - It's never enough and never as often as you need it. Material things - Only used to love-bomb you or to keep you during the devaluation phase. Sex - Same as with money and material things. And it's also never really satisfying because they're unable to create an emotional connection and feel genuine love towards you. The only reason sex could ever be satisfying with a narcissist is because of yourself.
You bring the fun, you bring the positivity... all they do is take it away, convert into negativity and then throw it back at you. So there's the 3 things they can give to you and as for all the negative things, well there's an endless list of those. The narcissist has nothing of value to offer you. They can only create the illusion that they do and even then, the illusion is only good because of you. You give power to the illusion. If you didn't play a part in their illusion, that wouldn't be good either. They have way too much time on their hands. They value their time spent on abusing and manipulating their victim, rather than doing something productive with their own lives. The fact that they give so much of their time to abusing you, should suggest that they place more value on your life over their own. They believe that you have more potential and more to give than they do. If this wasn't true, they wouldn't even waste their time. They would just leave it to play out on their own. They apply having something to give to money, material things or sex, because that's literally all they have to give you.
They don't have any real qualities, positive energy, empathy, consideration or understanding. They cannot relate to you in any way. They are unable to feel an emotional connection towards you, they cannot experience genuine love. I'm not saying that the emotionally healthy partner will be perfect. There will still be difficult periods, sometimes even arguments, that's life. But the difference with the emotionally healthy partner and the narcissist is that the narcissist is so quick to give up at the littlest things.
This is why they can never sustain a relationship. The emotionally healthy partner will be willing to take the time to work things out and resolve whatever is wrong. They are not going to run from the issue, they are not going to pretend that the issue doesn't exist. So please continue to heal your childhood traumas and any other traumatic events you have experienced with the narcissist. Practice self-love and become self-love abundant. In time you will become emotionally healthy and you will attract an emotionally healthy partner into your life. Life will be so much better. Life will be so much easier. And you will be so much happier. Without these narcissists in your life.