Narcissists Play Games. There is no way around this, narcissists will always play games with you. They use these games to regulate their low self-worth, low self-esteem and their emotions. It makes them feel powerful and in control. It gives them a narcissistic supply. They constantly feel as though they are worthless and insignificant, so they need to play these games to give themselves a sense of value or importance. As though they are significant to you by getting you to overthink about them.
They are jealous that you have your own mind which is separate from their alternate reality or world, so they will try to take control of your mind. They want to have real estate in your consciousness. They want to make your mind a part of their territory. If you are not thinking about them, if you are not acknowledging their existence, they feel as though they don't exist. This is why they always have to be seen or heard.
If you are not looking at them, they will walk out in front of you or wave their arms around to get your attention. If you are not listening to them, whether they are talking to you or someone else, they will talk louder or they will indirectly start talking about you. These mind games are designed to give them attention. They were neglected as children, they were not valued or loved by their narcissistic parent. This may have traumatized them and now they don't want to feel that way again.
So they will play mind games to make you overthink about them or to make you overanalyze the situation. As long as you are thinking of them, rather than yourself or anyone else, they will be relatively comfortable. Narcissists are masters of manipulation. When they were children and they were being neglected by their narcissistic parents, they had to learn how to get their attention. They had to learn how to get them to notice them.
They would cause disruption to get their narcissistic parent's attention. They would cause disturbance or problems which interrupt whatever event, activity or process the narcissistic parent was engaged in. The narcissist would cause disturbance or problems intentionally to give the narcissistic parent's attention. As the narcissist grew older, they had more and more practice at their art of manipulation. Once they get to adulthood, they have had a lifetime of practice.
A lifetime of seeing what kind of disturbance or problems will create an emotional reaction within their target, who will then give them some form of attention. Some manipulation tactics may not work on certain people, they may not cause them to give to emotionally react or give the narcissist attention. So they will tailor-make their tactics and create specific disturbances or problems which they know their intended target will react to.
It may seem as though the narcissist is playing games with you, but they are actually playing games with themselves. You are not the narcissist's opponent, you are more like the narcissist's game piece. They are using you to create the desired effect for their own emotional regulation. The narcissist is fighting with themselves. They are projecting their own self hatred on to you and then using you as an emotional punching bag, to take out their own frustration and resentment.
The narcissist sees you as an object or as a negative extension of themselves. They apply their negative traits, faults, mistakes, flaws and imperfections on to you and then attack you as a way of regulating their emotions. All of the feelings they have for you, both good and bad, are actually projections of how they feel about themselves. They don't hate you. They hate themselves, but they need someone to take their frustration and resentment out on.
They don't consider how it affects you, because in their minds you are an inanimate object. You exist to serve them. You are a tool used to regulate their own self worth, self esteem and emotions. It has nothing personally to do with you. And this is why you cannot get them to understand your views or opinions about the situation. This is not a game where there are two opponents. If you imagine a tennis game, you are not the opponent, you are the ball. It's attention seeking behaviour.
Just imagine a baby crying because they cannot get their way or because they want their parent's attention. It's exactly the same, they've just developed and perfected these tactics over many years and then learned how to adapt them to adulthood. And like any baby or child, the narcissist is self absorbed and lacks empathy. They are emotionally immature. So they are not going to accept responsibility or accountability for their actions. They will study you and learn what your vulnerabilities, insecurities or weaknesses are.
They will then tailor-make their manipulation so that they know it will be effective on you. Everyone has vulnerabilities, insecurities or weaknesses. We are all human, we are not perfect. Of course, those of us who are mature accept this and would never target a person's vulnerabilities, insecurities or weaknesses. Narcissists are self-absorbed and lack empathy, they also have a void that can never be filled. It's all about them, it's all about how they are going to fill this void which can never be filled.
So they will try to fill this void and regulate their self worth, self esteem and emotions, even at the expense of your emotional, psychological or physical health. They do not feel whole or complete. They do not feel happy, satisfied or fulfilled with their lives. And this overrides any empathy they would otherwise feel for you. If they target your vulnerabilities, insecurities or weaknesses and you get hurt or upset, that's your fault for being too weak, or you're not good enough, or something is wrong with you.That's how they think.
Of course if it's the other way around and you hurt or upset them, it will cause a narcissistic injury and narcissistic rage. They can dish it out, but they cannot take it. The fact that they have all of these obsessive disruptive behaviours, should remind you how low their self worth and self esteem really is, and how out of control their emotions are. That's why they create these disturbances or problems. That's why they play these games.
It regulates their low self worth, low self esteem and their emotions. So if the narcissist targets your vulnerabilities, insecurities or weaknesses and you get hurt or upset, and then they call you weak. Understand that this is actually a projection. They are weak, not you. If they were secure or emotionally strong people, they wouldn't have the desire or motive to engage in these weird games or create disturbances or problems. But they do and that should remind you of how weak these people really are.
The reason why we get lured into these relationships is because they act so friendly and trustworthy. They will get you to open up to them about your past, especially your family and past relationships. They want to learn your vulnerabilities, weaknesses and insecurities. Your faults, mistakes, flaws and imperfections. They will act understanding and as though you can trust them. But later in the relationship, they will then use all of this against you. They hold grudges and resentment and they will never forgive you.
But they will never acknowledge anything that they have done to you. They also want to know what you have experienced in the past, so they can see what they can get away with. What you are willing to put up with from them. They will want to know how you reacted to abuse and manipulation in the past. Did you trust the abuser? Did you doubt yourself and your own reality? They will also be checking to see if you have any support.
They will isolate you, criticize or devalue you to other people so that they can separate you from anyone who would otherwise support you. Anyone who has a relationship with you, could potentially separate you from the narcissist, or sabotage their power and control over you. By isolating you, the narcissist is able to maintain their superior position. This keeps you going back to the narcissist for support and validation. This is how predators work.
They lure you into the relationship by giving you exactly what you are looking for. Whether it's love, affection or admiration. Just like a child molester might give candy to a child. The child molester isn't really interested in giving candy to the child, they might not even have any candy. But they will make the child believe that they do, so they can get whatever it is that they want from them in that moment.
Their behaviors are exactly the same and I have done a video on this, please check out "Narcissists Are Like Child Molesters". Once they have got you, you soon realize that they are not about love, affection or admiration. What they are really about is quite the opposite. Once they have secured you as a source of supply they will do whatever they can to provoke fear, anxiety, stress and depression within you. This is exactly how they feel, they are trying to project their feelings on to you.
They are fearful of the truth and being exposed. They are anxious of the future and how you could move on a life a happy and fulfilling life without them. They experience stress from events in their past or from their fear of the future. The events from their past could also cause them to be depressed. So this is how they feel. They experience fear, anxiety, stress and depression. They are trying to project their feelings on to you.
Narcissists do not self reflect, they don't want to deal with their painful negative emotions. Projecting them on to you, provides them with temporary relief, but it never sustains them. This is why they will always have certain behaviours designed to provoke fear, anxiety, stress or depression within you, but nothing ever gets resolved. Another game the narcissist likes to play is to create alternate rules and regulations. These rules and regulations will only apply to you, so that you cannot hold the narcissist accountable if they do the same thing.
They use these alternate rules and regulations in the alternate reality or world which they create to secure and control you. For more information on this, please check out my playlists on Alternate Realities & Fake Worlds and The Narcissist's Fantasy World. Don't waste your time confronting the narcissist on their games, it will only be met with more games.
They will use manipulative tactics such as denial, projection, blame-shifting, gaslighting, and the double bind. They use conversations to emotionally abuse and confuse you, creating cognitive dissonance or two conflicting beliefs, but nothing ever gets resolved.