Narcissists Have Perceived Limitations


From a young age, narcissists were told that they cannot do or say certain things. This didn't stop them from having the desire to do or say certain things. The desire remained, regardless of what they were told they cannot do or say. The parent of the narcissist might have implied, in some way, that you cannot speak your mind without being impolite. This may have been a teaching which was passed down from the parent to the child narcissist. From this point on, the narcissist may begin to sugarcoat everything they say and speak in an indirect way.


But this does not remove their desire of wanting to be direct and upfront with whoever they are talking to. Though, they have had these teachings ingrained in them from a young age. Of course, although the narcissist tries their best to withhold their true thoughts and emotions, it has to come out in some way. With the narcissist, it will come out in passive aggression or coping and defense mechanisms which are harmful to whoever they are around. This can be caused from the perceived limitation which was placed on a child from a young age.





Another example is where the narcissist may have been told that they cannot go to a certain place. This may cause them to develop a fear or criticism of this certain place. They may now see it in a negative light. This is a coping and defense mechanism, from the fact that they may still desire to go to that place. It creates perceived limitations within the narcissist. Sometimes these perceived limitations are not caused by the parent. In some cases the narcissist may have spoken their mind and received a negative reaction from doing this.


Since then they placed a perceived limitation upon themselves, to prevent them from having to feel that way again. To prevent themselves from experiencing the guilt and shame they felt at that moment. It's the same thing if they had a negative experience in a certain place. Or any experience where they have said or done something which wasn't positively received by the other person. Or made the narcissist experience guilt and shame. Maybe they tried to achieve or obtain something and failed. It caused them to experience guilt and shame.


So from that experience, they will no longer try to achieve or obtain anything in that area. There is a short story called The Elephant & The Chain. The elephants are tied to a small rope. The same size rope which was used to tie them when they were much younger and smaller. And at that young age, it's enough to hold them. As the elephants grew up, they were conditioned to believe they cannot break away. They believe the rope is still preventing them from breaking away. So they never even try.


Like the elephants, the narcissist creates perceived limitations in their mind. They go through life hanging on to the belief that they cannot do something, because they failed at it once before. And it made them feel guilty and shameful. So because of these experiences, the narcissist has perceived limitations which were created by their parents, social influences or experiences. This is a huge problem for survivors who have narcissistic parents or are in relationships with a narcissist.





If you have a narcissistic parent, they will expect you to conform to their perceived limitations. Throughout their life, they were conditioned to believe that they could not do something. Now, any time that you do something that moves out of their perceived limitations, it triggers them to feel intense hatred towards themselves. And how they could never do that, or they could never achieve or obtain due to their perceived limitations. They expect you to stay within the very perceived limitations they had to abide by throughout their lives. It's the same thing if you are in a relationship with a narcissist.


Narcissists have to feel comfortable. They have a comfort zone, they do not like to move outside it. They see you as an object or as an extension of themselves. So if you dare to move outside the comfort zone which they have created for you, they will feel uncomfortable too. It triggers them to become more narcissistic, since you appear to be doing something which they could never do. It causes the narcissist to reflect on themselves and feel intense hatred. They experience intense anger, envy and jealousy towards you.


Whatever you have obtained or achieved from operating outside their perceived limitations, they now want to sabotage and destroy. They will become passive-aggressive towards you, but they will never actually confront you about it. Because they feel guilty and shameful that they could not operate outside their perceived limitations. The narcissist is thinking in their minds, "You can't do that. I could never do that. I tried, but I failed and felt shameful about it, so I never tried again. You should feel the same way and stop what you are doing. You should comply to the perceived limitations which I had to comply to".





The narcissist will be envious and jealous over whatever you have achieved or obtained. They will also be envious and jealous over your satisfaction or fulfillment. They will want to sabotage and destroy whatever you have achieved or obtained. Not only that, but they will also want to take revenge on you, for any positive emotions, satisfaction or fulfillment you have received. This will usually be done by abuse, manipulation, devaluing you, creating smear campaigns, passive aggression, stalking and harassment.


The narcissist experiences great fear and shame from ever operating outside their perceived limitations, so they don't. They learn to adapt to them, they develop coping and defense mechanisms. They become passive-aggressive to anyone who dares to operate outside their perceived limitations. Likewise, they become hateful, angry, envious and jealous towards them. I think we can learn from this behavior, as it promotes narcissism. Whenever you or someone else puts a perceived limitation on to you and tells you what you can or cannot do. It is promoting narcissism.

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