Updated: Oct 30
An ex narcissist nudged me to suicide following around a year and a half of emotional abuse, coercive manipulation, compulsive lying and cheating. Even after she nudged me to attempt suicide, she continued to hoover me with more of the same pathologically abusive and manipulative behaviors. She claimed that she was having sex with another man while she was in a relationship with me back then. She also claimed to have had sex with five other men. This was an act of emotional abuse, coercive manipulation, compulsive lying and cheating.
Even after she had nudged me to attempt suicide, which I miraculously survived. It appeared to trigger this sadistic emotional predator to abuse and manipulate me even more. I asked her if she felt any empathy or consideration for nudging me to attempt suicide. She responded, saying it was "attention seeking". It can be hard to accept at first, but the truth is no one ever had the narcissist in the past, you never had them and no one will either. It's just a fantasy, an illusion. They sold you a product they never even had to begin with.
They will stay with you for as long as you put up with their BS, as long you feed their addiction for supply. But the reality is that they can never commit themselves to you or anyone else. They can never be consistently honest, loyal or trustworthy. If you have had a "relationship" with a narcissist, you will know that all they can give is their presence, and even that's not consistent. They cannot give you enough time, they can't open up to you, they are not capable of anything that you would normally expect in a relationship.
So all you're going to have is a leech, a creature that's draining your energy and giving nothing back. Time might go by, and you'll start to think about the good times at the beginning. But you have to understand that person is never coming back, they never even existed. It was a fake personality, a mask just to lure you in. They are not capable of consistently maintaining a positive personality or a relationship. These people cannot change unless they have the will to change. And most of them don't.
They have no backbone, they don't stand for anything in life. Nothing to do with positivity or
progression anyway. Basically they ain't about anything, all they can do is talk BS. All they are capable of is abusing and manipulating you to the point where you become clinically insane or commit suicide. Who really wants someone like that in their life? They know they are low quality low-value people, and they know that we know that, but they will still continue their maintenance of the illusion. They will hold on to that and hope that one day it will impress you or convince you somehow.
Furthermore, they act like they know you, but really it's like they don't know the first thing about you. They will say things about you like they know you so well, even when they've got it completely wrong. But then they hold on to that idea, because they think it's what you're about. I guess if this idea they have in their minds is all they "know" about you, they have to hold on to it as tightly as possible, even if it's completely off. This is a process that continues throughout the relationship and even after the discard phase. It gets to the point where they have dozens of "ideas" of you, but these ideas are all they have, and it's something they've created in their own minds.
So now you're thinking something, and they're thinking something else but trying to apply that thought to you. And now you're playing a role in their illusion, their fantasy. You don't even know what role you're playing, since they're defining your role in their minds. But if you're not taking this on board, if you are not playing the game with them, they end up on a completely different wavelength to you. They are thinking all kinds of things about you which you have no idea about. Things that have nothing to do with you. You might be wondering, "what are they talking about? What are they thinking?". You could try to read the clues in their actions or words, but it never really makes sense because they have re-defined you in their illogical, delusional minds.
They perceive you in a totally different way to how you perceive yourself. And then they end up in this warped fantasy world thinking you're along for the ride, but you're still in reality wondering what the hell they're talking about. Everything that they have done to you, they will flip it and say that you've done that to them. e.g. If the narc has been emotionally abusing you for years, they will say that you've been emotionally abusing them. They cannot accept responsibility for any of their actions or words. So they will use denial, blame-shifting and projection. They will abuse and manipulate/gas-light you for years and still continue to play the victim.
It's true, narcs never really move on from you. Think about it, the relationship has no resolution, they never self-reflect, they never accept responsibility for anything they do wrong. If you live your life avoiding responsibility and deflecting the blame. You can never learn from your mistakes, and you can never grow as a person. If you don't self-reflect, you can never resolve anything. Which means it is still ongoing. We take the time, as survivors, to resolve everything on our own. We self-reflect. The narcissist never does this, so it makes it impossible for them to move on. After the discard phase, they will look for you in someone else, but they will never find you.
One thing I've learned is to never let these narcissists distort your reality or your perception of life. They will try their best to do this, to make you see things differently. To make you see yourself differently. No matter how beautiful or successful you are, they will try to make you feel ugly or worthless. You define yourself, don't let anyone else do that. Let them think they're distorting your perceptions of the world, but keep the realness inside where they can't destroy it.