Narcissists are heavily dependent on your emotional reaction to them. It gratifies them. It makes them feel alive. Furthermore, it gives them a narcissistic supply. Attention and validation. A feeling of power and control over you. They like the way it makes them feel, when they see you react to the things they say and do. It becomes an obsession to them, an addiction. Every time they get a reaction from you, it releases the dopamine neurotransmitter within their brains.
They are aware that it makes them feel something. Narcissists generally feel worthless and miserable. So when they first get this feeling, from obtaining a reaction from you. It becomes an obsession, an addiction. They become hooked on your reaction to them. To everything they say or do. It becomes their purpose in life, to obtain a reaction from you. Because it's the only thing that makes them feel alive, at least for a brief moment. You may have been wondering how can the narcissist treat a person this way, without feeling any guilt or shame.
They don't feel much guilt, but they do feel shame. I believe this is why they like to use denial, blame-shifting and projection. It is an attempt to dodge the guilt and shame they would otherwise feel. They might be successful at dodging the guilt, but it's not that easy to dodge the shame. Narcissists are shame-based. You may be wondering how can they be so sadistic? How can they enjoy your emotional pain?
Narcissists are dependent on your emotional reaction. It's narcissistic supply. They need narcissistic supply to survive, just like we need air to breathe. Some narcissists may not be sadistic, they may not enjoy your emotional pain. But because they are so heavily dependent on your emotional reaction or narcissistic supply, they have no other choice but to hurt you. Malignant narcissists are sadistic. It makes them feel alive to see your emotional pain and distress. Narcissists spend their lives doing whatever they can, just to feel something.
Otherwise, they will feel nothing but endless misery. This is why they will become so desperate and obsessive towards obtaining a reaction from you. They will go out of their way to do this. Without constantly trying to obtain a reaction from you, they would otherwise feel worthless and miserable. Obtaining a reaction from you, becomes a purpose in their lives. It gives them narcissistic supply. It gives them attention and validation. A feeling of power and control. It makes them feel above you at that moment. This is what they live for.
Narcissists really feel like they are below everyone. They feel completely worthless and inferior to you. That's what creates this obsession or addiction within them. When you are constantly feeling worthless, inferior, miserable and depressed. You have two choices. This first choice is the one the codependent will choose. The codependent will self-loathe. They will become angry or prejudiced against themselves. This second choice is the one that the narcissist will choose. The narcissist will project the negative emotions they feel on to you.
They feel self-hate, anger towards themselves. So now they are going to try and project these negative emotions on to you. They will do or say something to make you feel self-hate or anger towards yourself. Or to make you feel hate or anger towards them. If they are feeling jealous or envious of you. They will try to make you feel jealous or envious of them. The negative emotions they feel are their motive for whatever negative emotion they are trying to make you feel. If a person does not experience deep self-hatred, anger, envy, jealousy, inferiority or other insecurities like the narcissist.
There is simply no negative emotions to project. Which gives them no motive to provoke a reaction from you. So keep this in mind, whenever they are doing or saying something in an attempt to obtain a reaction from you. Any negative emotions you feel, remember that they are not yours. The narcissist is simply trying to project their misery and emotional baggage on to you. Next time you are around a narcissist, pay attention to everything they say or do. You will notice that it is all designed to provoke a reaction from you. It's their obsession, their addiction. They are heavily dependent on your reaction, like a drug.
Without your reaction, they are forced to reflect on their own negative emotions. And that is just too painful for the narcissist to deal with. That's why they become so obsessed and addicted to getting a reaction out of you. How do you deal with this obsession and addiction the narcissist has? Limit your contact with them. Only talk as needed. Practice the gray rock technique. Whenever they try to project their negative emotions on to you, remind yourself that those negative emotions do not belong to you.
The narcissist has an inferiority complex. Every time they see or even think about you, it's constantly triggering a reaction in their minds. They are highly reactive to you. We are not dependent on their reactions, but no matter what you do, it will always trigger negative emotions within them. They will always feel inferiority, hate towards you and themselves, anger, envy and jealousy whenever they are around you. Or whenever they think about you.
The reason for this is that they have always avoided reflecting on these negative emotions. They don't want to accept these negative emotions as a part of themselves. That's why they will constantly try to project them on to you, by saying or doing something to get reaction out of you. The narcissist is dependent on your emotional reaction to them. It gives them a sense of power and control over you.
If you limit your contact with them or practice the gray rock technique, they will struggle to gain power and control over you. They will struggle to obtain narcissistic supply from you. The narcissist wants to provoke stress and anxiety within you. Because that's exactly how they feel, all day, every day. They want to put their stress and anxiety on to you. It's like emotional masturbation. And it's the only way that they can feel relieved from their stress and anxiety, at least for that moment.
They will create problems out of nothing. Just to get an emotional reaction from you. Your emotions are like fuel to them. They are heavily dependent on your emotional reaction and emotional connection to them. Especially your negative emotions. They want you to express the negative emotions which they feel all day, every day. People who are happy or satisfied in life will want you to feel the same way. They will not try to provoke a negative emotional reaction from you.
The narcissist does not feel happy or satisfied with anything in their lives. When they see you feeling that way, it causes them to react. And their reaction to your positive emotional state is to destroy it. Because your positive emotional state triggers them to reflect on themselves and how miserable and dissatisfied they feel.