Narcissists will gaslight you. They will make you question your own reality. They will create a false narrative. To make you doubt your perceptions and to mislead you or cause you distress. Because they want to keep you off balance. If they can keep you off balance, it's easier for them to control you. It gives them power over you. And narcissists want power and control. So they will gaslight you. The narcissist doesn't like it when you point out anything that is wrong with them. They don't like it when you point out their faults or mistakes. Or their flaws or imperfections. They are very sensitive. They cannot handle criticism. You might point out that the narcissist is bad at driving. And you might be careful to avoid offending them. So you might just tell them to slow down. But the narcissist is not going to accept your feedback. Instead they're going to deflect it on to you. They're going to gaslight you. They're going to say that you're bad at driving. Which may make you very confused. Because maybe you believe that you're good at driving. But they will go on and on. They will bring up all of these real or imagined past situations, where they believed that you were wrong.
You may not remember these situations clearly, but from what you do remember, you were ok. But they will insist that on those occassions you weren't good at driving. You almost crashed the car and everyone was looking at you. Which then makes you doubt your own memory and perception. It makes you question whether or not that actually happened. Because there's no evidence. There's nothing to prove whether or not it happened. It's just the narcissist's word against your memory. And they will be very dominant in their influence over you. Until eventually you begin to accept their version of events. You begin to believe that you are bad at driving. And the scariest thing about this is that the next time you are driving with the narcissist. It will even affect your performance. It will affect how you drive. Because now you have this belief ingrained in your head that you're bad at driving. So now you're going to do everything you can to avoid making a mistake. Which inevitably causes you to make a mistake. It's a self-fulfilling prophecy. When the narcissist makes this prediction about you, it can actually cause that prediction to become true. It causes you to act or conform to the expectations that were set for you. When before this event, you may not have been bad at driving. But now it has influenced your behaviour. Their distorted beliefs have had an effect on you. But the reality is that they're just gaslighting you. Narcissists are masters at gaslighting. And it is their favourite trick to use when they are involved in an argument. They will tell you the exact opposite of the truth. They will flip it around on you. But they're not consciously lying to you. From their memory and perception, you were a bad driver. Narcissists have distorted perceptions. Rather than the external world influencing their beliefs, their beliefs influence their external world. And their beliefs are based on their feelings. However they feel becomes the truth. They see their feelings as facts. Narcissists are shame-based people who are doing everything they can to avoid reflecting on their shame. So to avoid reflecting on it, they have to mould and shape their perceptions into what they want it to be. Into whatever makes them feel better about themselves. It is designed to protect them from any emotional pain or distress. Their emotional survival is dependent on them seeing themselves as the hero or the victim. And seeing you as someone who is bad or wrong. The truth is irrelevant to the narcissist.
Even if you had video evidence that you were good at driving, it wouldn't make any difference. They would still insist that you were bad. Even if other people believed that you were good, the narcissist would think that their memory and perception is wrong. Or they would say that they're just saying that to make you feel better. The crazy thing is that they're not even thinking that they're lying. They really believe that they're telling the truth. Which is why they will be so insistent that you are wrong. And eventually you will believe them. It becomes shared psychosis. And it all starts from the truth being based off their perspective, feelings or opinions. Rather than what is actually true. Because their feelings are more important to them than the truth. They can't get past their own feelings. So if they feel like something is true, it is true. But there's nothing you can say to talk them out of it. Because they believe that their feelings are the truth. So when you bring logic and reasoning, they think that you're just trying to manipulate them. Because that's what they do. They assume that everyone is fake like them. They assume that everyone is trying to just gain an advantage. Which is why they're so paranoid and hypervigilant. They think everyone's out to get them, because that's what they're doing. When the narcissist tries to gaslight you, you need to destroy them before they destroy you. You need to attack and criticise them, in the same way that they're doing to you. You need to gaslight them. Something that you know they're insecure about. Something that you don't really care about. If the narcissist says that you're bad at driving, tell them they're bad at painting. Tell them that you may be bad at driving, but at least you're not as bad as them at painting. Then it will make them feel insecure.
Tell them that people laugh at their painting and how bad it is. Then they will forget about your driving and they will be more focused on their painting. Because they're very concerned with other people's opinions. There's nothing more important to a narcisssist than their image and reputation. They care a lot about what other people think about them. So when the narcissist gaslights you, tell them that other people think they're no good. It will worry them. This is how you keep the narcissist under control.
By telling them that other people disapprove of them. It will cause them to panic. Because they are dependent on other people for their sense of worth. When the narcissist is gaslighting you, the worst thing you can do is stop the argument. And point out that they're gaslighting you. It's not going to help. They're not going to admit it. Many narcissists will not even be aware that they're gaslighting you. To destroy a narcissist when they're gaslighting you, you have to make them feel insecure. You have to make them feel like other people do not value their qualities or abilities. But if you're with a narcissist and they're gaslighting you. The best thing you can do is to walk away and go no contact. Because it's not going to change. The only one who can change anything is you.