They might act like they hate you and have no interest in you or anything you are doing. Deep down they love the way you look, they love your personality, they love everything about you. The problem is when they realize that these qualities cannot be theirs. Their love for you soon turns to hate and anger because they cannot be like you, they cannot do what you do or have done. They become envious of the attention and admiration you are receiving just from being you. If they cannot have these qualities which you possess, they will do whatever they can to destroy them. They will try to destroy you as a person. They will redefine you and rewrite your past. They use gas-lighting to make you doubt your own eyes, ears, and brain. They abuse you psychologically, emotionally, and sometimes even physically. This is all because they loved your qualities and you as a person so much. But then realized that your qualities could not be theirs, so now they want to destroy your qualities and you.
They are fuelled by hate, anger, envy, and jealousy. When they were with us, they got lucky and they know it. That's why they had to manipulate and devalue us. Making us believe that we are not worthy of them. When the truth is they were not worthy of us. They already knew this, which is why they created a false personality, a false character. They only got with us because we were physically attracted to them, had status, money, power, charisma or anything else that they wanted, but did not have. We were like fashion accessories to them, tools to assist them in obtaining their narcissistic supply. After us they go back to their true standards, they go back to the hole where they belong. The reality of what they were before they met us. We were only attracted to them because as Empaths we are not shallow people. We look for people who honour honesty, loyalty, and trust. People who have genuine, loving personalities just like us. The narcissist mirrored us and showed us what we wanted to see in the beginning, so we were attracted to their false personalities. They manipulated us in the beginning and love-bombed so that we overlooked the red flags. They have to compensate for how insecure and unworthy they really feel. This is part of what creates these narcissists. If you truly knew deep down that you are secure, worthy, and deserving. You wouldn't abuse or manipulate anyone. At the beginning of the relationship they like that we are attractive, they like our inner qualities. They will even tell you this themselves. They value you. But over time they became very competitive like they were trying to outdo us. This is because they believe that we are above their level both on physical attraction and the depth of our personalities. If they really believed that they were better looking or had superior personalities, there is no way they would abuse, manipulate, devalue, or compete with us in any way.
There originally liked us very much, but then they realized that it's something they do not have. Good looks, deep emotions, the ability to be real with them. We are genuine people. Over time as they realized that they could not be real or genuine. So they could not partake. Imagine how frustrating that must feel. If you can't even be real or genuine with something. No wonder they become so hateful, angry, and envious. Instead of appreciating, they just hate on us. They compete and try to outdo us. That's why they always tried to flirt with other people when they were with us. They may have told themselves that they are better looking or have better personalities than we do. They were in denial. If that's what they really believed, they wouldn't have to prove it to us. Then it got to the point where they couldn't deny it anymore so they discarded us. Or the abuse got worse and worse, to the point where you had to discard them. If you really believe you are at the level of someone else. You would never abuse or manipulate them. You would never compete with them. But that's exactly what narcissists do. Because they know they are not at our level. This is why they become obsessive stalkers. Always trying to compete or outdo us in some way. This all comes from a place of insecurity and inferiority. So remind yourself, any time they display their obsessive or controlling nature to you. Any time they try to abuse or manipulate you.
They are so insecure and feel so inferior, that sometimes they will even resort to cheating. Cheating is an attempt to be validated or admired by someone else. Because they cannot validate themselves. A person who cannot validate themselves can never be faithful to anyone. And as we know, the narcissist cannot self reflect or look within. Which means that they will never be able to be faithful to anyone. They will always cheat, no matter how great the new source is. Narcissists are obsessed with us because they are desperate for power and control. If they have to accept that really they secretly like us and every quality we possess, it will take away their power and control. This forces them to accept that it is not all about them. So although they do secretly like everything about us deep down. It very quickly becomes hate. It becomes hate because they cannot partake and they want what we have. They want to have your good qualities. They want to have our charisma. They want to be real and genuine. But they know all too well that they are not capable of that. So they might mirror us, trying to appeal to our own ideals. But deep down is a lot of hate, anger, envy, and jealousy as they realize that they can never genuinely operate on our frequency. So now they want to control us.
They become obsessed with anything that relates to us or our interests. When they reach this level of obsession. What option do they have other than to hate, devalue, or even humiliate us? But understand this... What purpose would there be in devaluing or humiliating a person who has no value in your eyes anyway? There is a very fine line between love and hate. And the fact that they are so obsessed with us should prove that it is almost like they are in love with us. Of course, narcissists cannot experience genuine love, but this is as close as it gets for them. If you really hate a person, you are not going to want them on your mind 24/7. You wouldn't want to be anywhere near them. You wouldn't want to see them. You wouldn't want to hear anything about them. You wouldn't want to know where they are going. You wouldn't want to know what they are doing. You would not be focused on them or anything that relates to or interests them. But they do want to be around us, they want to be in close proximity. They want to see us, they want to hear everything about us. They want to know where we are going and what we are doing. They want to know about anything that relates to us or interests us.
As I said, there is a fine line between love and hate. And from what I have just made clear to you, it should be obvious that they are right on that line. There is a balance of both love and hate. And that's what keeps them coming back. Think about it. You wouldn't keep going back to something you hate. So there is clearly an element of love or at least a deep liking for us. But they will never tell you any of this. They will continue pretending as though they really do hate you. But how can that be true when they have this obsession? You would not be obsessed with someone you hate. Look at people they actually do hate, do you see them obsessing over them?
I believe there is an element of hate since they cannot partake or possess the same qualities or whatever it is that they are envious of. But there it's or also love or a deep liking for us. They become very bitter and envious people. They try to deal with these negative emotions by making us envious in some way. Even if you are not feeling envious, they will just tell themselves that you are, it saves their ego and prevents a narc injury. "Moving on" are two words the narcissist never wants to hear. The thought of you moving on with a genuine, loving person is an injury to their whole existence. You can bet that they will compare themselves in every way and then they will begin to realize where they went wrong. But if they cannot have you, no one can. They will enforce flying monkeys and create smear campaigns, anything to prevent you from having a real loving relationship. Nothing hurts them more, this is probably one of their greatest fears. Once they know you are gone for good, they go looking for someone just like you. Hoping that they will be more willing to tolerate their abusive and manipulative nature.
But no matter how many people they go through, they can never find you. And believe me, it hurts them. We were their Grade A Supply. They never find anyone worthy of our replacement. They settle for whatever they can find. It's like taking a drug for the first time, we were that first high. After that, they spend the rest of their lives chasing that same high but never really finding it. They might try similar drugs or people, but it's never quite the same. It never gives them the feeling they first had with us. In some cases, they will hoover and try to come back to you. But you see through them now, you know what they're about and it's nothing good. So even when they go back to that first drug they tried, it's still not the same. Because they abused that drug over and over again. They abused us. But they never self-reflect or look within. Instead, they rather point the finger and put the blame on to you. They are too emotionally immature to ever accept responsibility or accountability for anything that they do. So they never change for the better, they just get worse. They will try to find you in another person, but they will never find you.