Does The Narcissist Think About You?
It can often appear as though the narcissist doesn't want to leave. Although they do everything to cause conflict or separation. This is due to their dysfunctionality. They have an inability to deal with normal social relations. They have to cause drama and chaos to regulate their emotions and boost their self-esteem. It gives them a feeling of self-importance, it makes them feel as though they exist. All the narcissist really cares about is getting their own way and getting what they want. It may seem as though they need you and they can't live with you. But due to their dysfunctionality, they become self-sabotaging. They will do the exact opposite of whatever they claim to want. They might tell you that they need you or care about you, but their behavior will display the exact opposite. They will be disruptive, cause arguments or disagreements, insult you or put you down, provoke negative reactions and emotions within you. They will be completely out of control, as though they don't care what you think about them. Or as though they don't care if you leave. This behavior is contrary to what you would commonly expect from someone who wants to be around you or from someone who wants you to be in their life. Normally when someone wants to collaborate with you, they're going to want to be working with you, rather than working against you. This is how you know that the narcissist does not have a sensible or practical idea of reality.
They have multiple conflicting and competing motives within them, which makes it impossible for them to sustain a normal, healthy relationship and they are fully aware of
this. They are going to disrupt the natural course of the relationship and do the opposite of whatever would be commonly desired or expected from them in normal social relations. This is due to their dysfunctionality, which causes them to become self-sabotaging. You can tell them about a certain situation or something they've done that you don't like and they might act as though they understand, but then the very next day they will do the exact same thing all over again, which you just spoke about the day before. There is no way to effectively communicate with them. When you're talking to them, they're not even listening to you. They're just waiting for you to finish talking so that they can say whatever is on their minds and most often they won't even wait for you to finish talking, they will just interrupt you. Because they don't care about anything that you have to say. It's all about them, in their minds the world revolves around them. And if you have nothing to say that's not going to feed their ego, they're not going to want to hear it. They will use future faking to make you believe that it's going to improve at some point, at a later date. But this is only to give them more time. It makes you more patient, more willing to tolerate delays, problems, or suffering without becoming annoyed or anxious.
This is what the narcissist wants. They want you to become more willing to tolerate and more accepting of their dysfunctional behavior. They want you to become more understanding of them, while they have no intention of changing or correcting their dysfunctional behavior. They will even engage in certain behaviors as a way of testing you, to see how much you will take until you finally react to them. Then when you finally react they will withdraw and give you a false apology. This is a control tactic. When you react to them and then give in to their false apologies, you are giving them the ability to control you. You are giving them the ability to control your emotional reactions. This also gives them more information on how to manipulate you. It tells them how far they can go until you finally react to them. And even when you do react, they know how to pull you back in and act as though nothing happened. They use future faking or act as though they have just realized what they have done wrong to you. This is designed to calm you down and make you feel as though you have no right or no reason to confront them. It becomes a game to them, you're like a toy and they are toying with your emotions. It becomes a form of entertainment for them. They don't understand your value, they can't appreciate it. So naturally, they're going to treat you as though you're just something to play with. They don't take anything seriously, it's a game to them because they are not capable of understanding or appreciating your value. People are just objecting to them, they are used to serve them or give them what they need. Once you start fulfilling their needs, you're handing your value over to them. You're no longer seen as someone who is worthy of respect or appreciation. It's a game to them, it's a form of entertainment.
It's giving them attention, making them feel as though they are something significant to you, it makes them feel as though they exist. And it also gives them the opportunity to practice their manipulation skills. It makes them feel as though they are powerful and in control of you. It excites them, it gives them gratification. They said that they wanted you, but it was just a game. And it was always a game, right from the very beginning. They don't understand your value, they cannot appreciate it. They don't even want to acknowledge it because then that would trigger them to reflect on their deficiencies and insecurities. They just want to use you to make themselves feel as though they are something significant or important. They have the desire or motive to do this, because deep down they feel worthless, inadequate, as though they don't even exist. They have the insatiable desire or motive to have power over you and control you because deep down they feel insecure. They believe that you are above them, you are superior to them. And their manipulation games are designed to tame you and make you feel as though they are superior to you. This is the game that they play and as long as you don't realize this and continue looking at yourself and thinking that you're not enough or something is wrong with you, they are winning. But once you understand this, they can't play the game with you anymore. And that's when they finally move on and find someone else to play the game with. The games never end, they just find another participant. Another person to make them feel as though they are something significant or important, something powerful or worthy of admiration. Because that's all they really care about. You may be wondering why they do this when they know the kinds of problems that this can cause. And it's because they don't value any engagement or interaction. The only value is in what can be given to them, or how it makes them feel. Other than that, the other person may as well not even exist. Anything outside of them has no significance, it has no importance. It is not worthy of appreciation or respect. In their minds, anything outside of them exists only for them to play with. No matter what happens or who gets hurt, it's still a game to them and this game never ends.