Avoiding Narcissists In The Future
To be effective at avoiding narcissists in the future, you must first identify what it was that kept you attentive and interested in the narcissist that you were previously
with. You must first identify what it was that they were giving you, that kept you around them. That made it difficult for you to leave or move on from them. You might have liked the attention or admiration. The intimacy or company. They used all of this to boost your ego. To boost your sense of self-esteem or self-importance. It made you feel good and it made you feel as though you needed them. As though you couldn't be without them. They know that feeding your ego gives them the power to direct or influence your behaviour and the course of events. They know the effects that this has on you. And that is why when you first meet them, they will give you a false display of charisma or charm. They can seem very pleasant or attractive. They display enthusiasm and devotion towards you. Intense and eager enjoyment, interest or approval. As though everything revolves around you. As though you are all that matters to them. They display reverence and adoration. And if you didn't have very high self-esteem when you met the narcissist, this behaviour could seem attractive or interesting. It will make you want to devote yourself to the narcissist.
It makes you less cautious about protecting or controlling yourself. You begin to open up to the narcissist. And this is because of something that you lack within yourself, something that you are deficient in. Which made you susceptible to their manipulation. Narcissists tend to target people who are lonely. People who don't have many friends or company. But also, people who don't really enjoy being alone. People who don't enjoy their own company. You had a desire to share your qualities and abilities with someone. To share your intelligence or knowledge. You didn't want to keep it to yourself or let it go to waste.
You wanted to share it with someone who you believed to be worthy and deserving of having it. And there is nothing wrong with wanting to do that. This is what healthy individuals should want to do. But this is also what the narcissist is looking for. They are looking for people who have enough to share with them. People who are bored or lacking interest in their current activity. People who have few friends or company. People who are looking for someone to fill the emptiness within them. The narcissist can detect your feelings of loneliness. They can detect that you are looking for friendship or company. And once they have detected that this is what you are looking for, they will come after you. From this point on, they know that all they have to do is give you the friendship or company that you were looking for. They will try to fill the emptiness within you. They will give you the attention and admiration that you were looking for. Knowing that you will then let your guard down. Knowing that you will then open up to them. It builds a false rapport. And you start to believe that you like them or that you are interested in developing something with them. But you can never figure out why you liked them. Or why you were interested in developing something with them. They displayed an uncertain or unclear character and communicated with you in an unfocused or imprecise way. They didn't give you much information. They didn't tell you about their likes or interests. They told you whatever they thought you wanted to hear. Acted as though they were down to do whatever you wanted to do. And it was like you had found the perfect friend, the perfect companion. It was amusing, entertaining or enjoyable. It felt good to be around them. It was your sense of boredom and loneliness. And your low self-esteem. Your low confidence in your own worth or abilities. Which then give the narcissist the ability to break through your good sense and sound judgement. Once they have broken in, they are then able to study you and learn your disadvantages or faults. Things that you are unable to resist. Things that you like excessively. They know how to satisfy your demands or feelings, in a way where you don't even notice it. You are trying to chase a high. You are trying to chase the feeling or state of intense excitement and happiness that they gave to you in the beginning. When they once admired you. When they told you that you were something great. This has put you in a state of intense excitement and happiness, where you are wanting to give to them. Because you feel so glad that someone admires you. That someone recognises you as something great. This is what makes you want to give something to them. This is when the narcissist begins to feed on you.
Until you finally realise that you're not receiving anything from them. This is where they teach you to remain hopeful, they teach you to have faith in them. Until you have complete trust or confidence and a feeling of expectation and desire, which they can then use against you. Because as long you remain hopeful that things are going to change, you are going to stick around. It makes you believe that it's going to get better, while the narcissist has no intention to change anything. While you are still remaining hopeful that they are going to change. It makes you want to try harder, it makes you want to put in more effort. To give them what they need to help them change. To help them to be a better person or be more effective at what you are wanting to see from them. But the narcissist is ridiculing you. They already know that there is no answer to their behaviour. They already know what they are supposed to do. When you are trying to change them, when you are trying to change their character or function, it's not doing anything because they have no intention of changing. And they are using your loneliness, isolation and uncertainty or anxiety about yourself against you.
You need to evaluate your own nature, abilities or qualities and identify what you need to change. You need to treat your feelings of loneliness and a sense of boredom. Your need for friendship or company. This is what has made them single you out. Because they know that you don't like being on your own. They know that you don't like being bored. So they give you a false sense of hope. They make you believe that it's going to get better when they have no intention of changing. But you have become used to having someone around. You become comfortable with them, where you have developed feelings of trust or affection towards them. You would rather be with them than to be alone, so you begin to justify their behaviour. You begin to play down or minimize the damaging effects that their behaviour is having on you. You normalize their behaviour, you accept it as being normal or acceptable.
To avoid narcissists in the future, you need to reduce your feelings of loneliness. You need to reduce your sense of boredom. Then you are no longer an accessible or obtainable target for the narcissist. If you remain in a state of loneliness or boredom, you will become a target for another narcissist. Identify what it was that you lacked within yourself, which then made you susceptible to their manipulation. And then focus on establishing that yourself. Providing it to yourself. And then you will be far more effective at avoiding narcissists in the future.